How do you restore a positive outlook after a failure?

Question

I was working with my instructor the other day, and he was trying to teach me a concept, but it just wasn't sinking in. For whatever reason I just wasn't learning what he was trying to teach me. He finally got frustrated with me and said "that's it, we're done"

I could tell he was annoyed with me. I'm feeling pretty discouraged because I was trying very hard but he seemed to think I wasn't interested in learning what he was trying to teach me.

I feel sort of like I'm unteachable right now. I just have a negative feeling about everything and I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm just not cut out for martial arts. Up until that moment, I had a very positive outlook. I looked forward to going and working with everyone. Now I don't know anymore.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you pick yourself up after your confidence is shaken?

Answer 1

As someone already said here, your instructor needs to take a deep breath and learn not to get frustrated himself. For some students it is a definite turn off and it only makes the situation worse. He should have just said something like, "OK-we can work on it again another time." and then gone onto something else.

There are some techniques that take time to learn and develop and there is always one that seems to allude a student for a time. So I would keep that in mind and keep working at it and you should get it in time I think. Keep a positive attitude and don't let your instructor's shortcomings kill your motivation. That's why that kind of reaction from him is so bad. It kills good students motivation and is even harder on lesser students who then feel dejected, frustrated, and kills any motivation that they have. The fact that you are concerned about it and wrote in here to this forum tells me you like martial arts and have a desire to succeed. Don't let one instructor's bad approach stop you or kill your motivation and shake your confidence. When it starts to just think back to how far you have come, how much you have already learned, and keep working at it.

Answer 2

You have some very good answers here.

I would just add: All that happened was you lost focus. Who knows? Maybe you have other things you are worried about or putting off. For whatever reason your instructor saw that you had lost your focus, THAT DAY, and he called an end to the training session. I would have done the same.

Maybe face anything that you have been putting off. If you have done someone wrong, then make it right. Only you know what is bothering you and only you can clean it up.

Also recommend: Meditation, Soft styles like Tai Chi and Qi Gong, or take on a major life challenge. Climb a mountain because its there. Take a long journey. Do something that really scares you, but is not really dangerous. We can't read your mind, but I would bet the solution can be found somewhere in these answers.

When all else fails do what you should have done before posting this question. Show the proper respect and direct this question to your teacher. It happens to all of us at times, and developing skills to deal with a loss of focus is an essential part of the martial arts.

Answer 3

This is a tough situation to face as a student, but try to focus on this thought - "all success is built upon failure." In other words, very few things worth doing are accomplished perfectly, first time. All things tend to be a product of slow, steady, incremental learning and martial ats techniques, concepts, and philosophies are precisely the same.

You must, will, and should expect to make mistakes, have difficulty, and struggle at times throughout your journey. It is precisely this that makes the final accomplishment of the the technique all the more sweeter and fulfilling. We learn far more from what is difficult and challenging to us, that what comes easily and readily.

As an instructor, there is a point of diminishing return when you are trying to lead a student through something. The first few minutes and iterations are are new, exciting, and the student is normally engaged and eager. As you continue to repeat, they acquire greater understanding and muscle memory begins to develop. There is a point however where fatigue and mental shutdown occurs and you actually begin to lose ability and quality in the repitiion. This is true of techniques the student is getting, and especially of technqiues students are struggling with.

I can't speak for your instructor, but I hope you have found a quality, experienced, and competent instructor who knows what they are doing. In such circumstances they may have been saying "ok, enough on this for today, because if we keep working on it you'll just get frustrated and it won't benefit you. Let's move on to something else and come back to this another time." It may not have been verbalized as well as they may have wished, and equally when a student is struggling with something, they sometimes become hyper-sensitive as they feel stress with their struggle.

I would hope that every instructor who dons a belt to teach others remembers their own journey and only wishes the very best for their students. I whoudl hope they know that there will be good days and bad days for individual students. I would hope that they would be a qualified and certified instructor (not merely a black belt holder, which is not the same) and that they would recognize those critical points where you need to flip the way you are teaching something or move on to a different subject entirely.

If you trust your instructor, believe in your instructor and the school you are working in, and feel that they have your best interests and progress at heart, then go back and chat with the instructor about your feelings, frustration, and concern that perhaps they were upset with you. Hopefully, they will allay your fears that they were upset, and you will be able to get on with your training with a new understanding of your own personality, your instructor/s, and the journey you are travelling.

If they do express frustration, anger, or a lack of concern or empathy to your feelings, then you may want to begin looking for another instructor or school - but I hope that this is not the case.

Good luck, and keep plugging away - thought the good and the bad. It's all worth it in the end.

Ken C
9th Dan HapMoosaKi-Do
8th Dan TaeKwon-Do
7th Dan YongChul-Do

Answer 4

First, quit viewing it as a failure. If you keep thinking that you aren't gonna learn what he was trying to teach you, then you might NEVER get it.

Maybe it's not that you stink at learning, maybe it's that HE stinks at getting info thru to you.

I've had teachers in highschool, who couldn't teach worth a sh**, and I've had others that you could go to again and again for help on the same thing, and they'd be fine with trying to explain something UNTIL we'd get it. Luckily all my martial arts instructors have all been like the few patient highschool teachers I had .

Anyway, maybe what you need to do is just think for a little while, and try to figure out exactly what part of the concept you're not getting--and perhaps once you know that, your instructor might be better able to explain it to you, in a way that you CAN learn it.

Answer 5

In all honesty my solution to things like this in my life has always been mental and spiritual training.

The mind and the spirit can be trained just like the body can.

Things like volunteer conservation work, helping others less fortunate and above all meditation and having an open dialog with myself.

writing down all the negative feelings and thoughts about something and then scrunching up the paper and throwing it away is a great exercise to clear and cleanse the mind, which can help to allow mental focus to be directed back to exactly where i am and exactly what im doing.

Like everyone has said there are only really two options, you get back up and push through the problems or you can give up. giving up doesnt even work because the problem will still be there waiting to be faced and there is no sense in delaying till tomorrow what can be done today.

Good Luck : )

Answer 6

Hi. Well, life is hard itself, so if you keep thinking that nothing ever goes right, and expect nothing to go right....it won't go right. Get it? It's hard to think on a positive outlook when everything around you is pretty bad. However, you must want things to change, therefore, start thinking positive. Think of yourself as a magnet, and only attract good things. It may be hard at first, but it will begin working itself out. You'll see. Good luck!

Answer 7

He needs some instruction himself on how to instruct.There are hundreds of technique in the arts and he is upset because you have trouble with one .Work on what you do best the rest will fall into place around it.

Train for yourself not the praise of your sensei.I dont know how old you are but I suspect you are at that age where you feel awkward and clumsy and bored.You are not alone.

Answer 8

Most martial artist if not all have been there. All I can really say is get back up. We all have things we have a hard time learning. Just keep trying and eventually you will get it. No one gets every thing the first time.
Good luck

Answer 9

what technique are you talking about.
stop being unteachable or you wont learn anything.
dont you want to get better at martial arts?
its like a piano, learn the notes well.
hopefully this is about a technique and not some gay *** philisophical think about it yourself questions.

Answer 10

I'm not a martial artist but a boxer. I lost my first fight in the ring by knock out in 84 seconds. that was very embarrassing.
I thought my coach was down on me but he wasn't. I went on to train harder and and one my nest 12 fights. The fight I lost to next was against the same guy who beat me in my first fight but this time he had to get a split decisions. just keep trying and you will get better.