What's with this guy?

Question

I met a guy a few months ago at a conference. He lives in a different state and is the VP of a company with 55 facilities nationwide, so he's always travelling. We exchanged numbers & hung out a few times when he was in my town on business. I made it very clear to him that I'm not in a place for relationship or casual sex, so that would leave us with the only option of friendship. I figured we both travel frequently, so when we do cross paths, we can always hang out and whatnot. Also, I enjoy conversing with him since we have things in common, so I didn't mind casual emails/texts/calls. As the time went by he became more and more persistent, calling, texting, emailing, instant messaging and the more persistent he became the more I started ignoring him. I would respond probably to 1/3. He expressed interest early on and casually mentioned that he gets what he wants which is how he became the VP of his company. Not scary at 1st but considering his "persistency" I'm starting

to think the "I get what I want" statement may be a bit more than persistence. My question is, what drives someone to ignore the lack of responsiveness from my part? He's 39 and I'm wondering if he's has stalking tendencies, his ego can't take a hit of me not anything romantic with him, he thinks women like to be chased etc.? I haven't emailed him asking not to contact me at all because his messages are friendly (have a nice day, wanted to see how you're doing etc.) but I see him ignoring the "signs" of me not wanting to have mutual contact with him at the frequency he wishes. He's very sharp and intelligent so I know he picks up on the fact that I'm not responding. I'm planning to email him and cut him off completely and any advise regarding that would be helpful too.

Thanks

Oh, so at this point he's conctacting me at least twice a day, although I may pick up my phone once every 3 days, and I have told him I need my space a lot so I call him back when I'm free although he ignores it completey and intitiates contact like a telemarketer. He's busy with work so I know he's not just bored sitting around, so I'm assuming it may be a borderline obsession?

LOL. OK guys I'm not asking how to get rid of someone LOL. I'm asking why a guy ignores lack of responsiveness.

Rainbow: He's not married lol...I don't "roll" like that lol

Answer 1

First off this is not your fault the guy is a fruit loop and is obsessed because he's not getting what he wants and is apparently not use to that. You answering a 1/3 of his correspondence actually is more reinforcement than if you answered all of his correspondence, it's called intermittent reinforcement and is a much stronger reinforcement than 100% positive reward. In fact it's used to gain control over people in situtions like POWs and even is used with children ect because it's the type of "training" that is hardest to undo or overcome. Psychologically the mind is saying "well it didn't work this time but it did last time so maybe if I keep trying" and then it does happen again and then doesn't so it's kinda like gambling almost addictive!
The best thing you can do is tell him that you're sorry but you're very busy and don't have time for new friends and then NEVER reply to emails, phone calls, ect.

Answer 2

Without actualy being there it is going to have to be a gut check on your part .

If you feel stalked then perhaps you are .

To play devils advocate though he might not be be and probably is not the stalker of doom .

You have a strong personality , he has a strong personality.

You both go get what you want .

You are going to have to gut check this .

Part of this is you and him are butting heads and that is okay . If you actualy did have a relationship you can be boss or he can be boss but no matter what there will be head butting . He may not be as evil as he appears just persistent . It comes down to do percive him stalking you ?

If you percive him stalking you be firm and break contact with him .

If you perceive somebody who might p!ss you off from time to time but could be very well exciting .........give it time . Put him on the back burner.

The best relationships come from friendships . He might be back burner material until you discover some qualities that will blow your mind .

One of the best articles i read one time was about this guy and a girl . They were set up at a swimming pool party . It was not the guys element . He was not a strong swimmer . Of course he looked like a chump . Several weeks later she had forgoten his name and had to hire an attorney . She walked into the office and her heart sank . This was awkward . She hired him .
The court room was his jungle and he was king of the jungle taking on all comers . The article stated they married 8 months later and as of the time of the article they were married for 15 years . Go figure.

Answer 3

i could promote off him asap. If he likes yet another female and he or she him, WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? actual love would not play video games or have wandering eyes, it truly is committed and exertions. you should work out this as a pink flag, a deal breaker, strike 3. Your youthful, i'm guessing, you mustn't also be thinking a extreme courting that is going to reason you lack of self belief. have relaxing, do not change into overly invested in this, WHAT? you are able to't flirt? flow on, the writing is on the wall and it spells problem. Do your self a favor and shrink the guy loose, no matter if it truly is destined to be, it is going to run it truly is route and he will be back. yet why you may take him back purely you are able to answer.

Answer 4

First of all, do you know if he's married? If he is, then that's the biggest reason to let him know you're not interested.

Also, does he contact you when he's bored at the airport waiting for a plane? That could mean that there's less there than him obsessing over you. We all do things like that when we're bored.

Finally, you need to tell him that you either don't have time to respond to his flood of emails, etc., don't want to use up all your minutes on your cell phone, and need to "tone down" how many text messages you make/receive because the bill is getting too high.

All those sound like excuses, but he's not getting the hint otherwise.

Good luck!

Answer 5

You ever run across the term operant conditioning, Skinner Box, etc?

A laboratory animal presses a lever and food or water appears. At first, every time the lever is pressed, the reward is given. However, later in the experiment, the reward isn't automatic. Sometimes, the food or water appears, sometime nothing. That does not discourage the lab animal at all. S/he keeps pressing the lever until it works. The reinforcement is far less certain, but the animal keeps pecking away at the lever.

Your intermittent responses are enough to keep him pressing the lever. You have to stop completely. And even then, as the lab animal research shows, the lever will be pressed again and again. Even months and sometimes years later.

Answer 6

I went trough something like that a few years ago. Alfa males are a great company, but they never take no for an answer. My marriage and a child never made any difference to him. Neither did his own marriage and 3 children. I kept ignoring the signs, calls, e-mail, messages etc. Was trying to be polite and firm at the same time. Turned out all he needed was a face to face confrontation ( man ( woman ) to man kinda thing ). Next time I met him during one of my out of town conferences, I took him aside and told him exactly how I felt while looking directly into his eyes. He did not like it, but his attentions to me stopped, and that is exactly what I was looking for to begin with. I hope that was helpful in some way. Good luck!

Answer 7

Some men are more persistent than others, what drives them to persist after a woman is probably something only the person doing it would precisely know, all we can come up with are notions. Only he truly knows what motivates him to behave that way.
When you have expressed from the beginning what you wished for in the nature of the relationship - no sex and no romance - and he's still trying to have either one with you, then some or total avoidance might get the message across, hopefully it works out for you. :-)

Answer 8

Hay Lioness..here is what will work:

Tell him straight out that he is calling too many. You don't have to be mean of course but you have to say that.

Just tell him you have a career and a life and you don't mind hanging out or talking sometimes that you are not looking for a relationship or sex with him and that he needs to back off or you are gonna have to cut him loose.

What ever you don't try to avoid him and hope he can take a hint. He didn't. You do know what he will get the message if you tell him it straight on.

fingers x'd 4u honey..

Edit k..why a guy ignores lack of responsiveness? Honestly idk..
I think that men or women who do it they are obsessive and they are self-centred actually. Probably they are not happy with their lives and the obsession gives them something they can constantly think of to take their mind off the unhappy stuff.

But that is just my opinion. I'm not a psychologist.

And does it matter why his behaviour? What is important is if you don't like it.

p.s. ebmid2 has a very good point..

Answer 9

This business about ignoring him when he became more persistent. Why didn't you just tell him then that he was contacting you too much? If a guy likes you, he's going to be blind to indirect rejection. You gotta spell it out. Just tell him to back way off, or I guess at this point you should just tell him to go away. If he still persists then, use words like "restraining order." If he's too dense to understand that, then GET a restraining order.

Answer 10

You want to know why he ignores your ignoring 2/3 of his e-mails? It's the other 1/3.