Am I sad, pathetic, normal or just weird? Can I vent? feel free to give advice :)?

Question

I think I need antidepressants, but I dont want to tell my husband- because then he would say he needs some too and so does everyone else, because everyone has problems.

Im just overwhelmed. My husband has Aspergers a higher functioning form of Autism, and so does my two yr old son...so many struggles...

My 4 yr old daughter needs a lot of help with HW, we have her in private school and is already learning how to read...but she doesnt want to do her HW which I cant blame her. But I force her to do it.

My two boys, 2 yrs and 10 months are tandem nursing....Im so sick and tired of it....they are like baby wolves. My husband is gone working 10 hr days, I feel lonely.

I feel overwhelmed with house chores. No babysitters, never anytime alone with my husband...no family nearby.

This is what I want. To smile everyday, have lots of patience, Wean my baby boys in 6 months time, its hard with the AS though. Have the house clean, have lots of energy. I feel like crawling in a hole.

Answer 1

You don't need meds, you need to improve the facts of your life.

Instead of pushing your daughter educationally, either take her out of school, or put her in a more reasonable school.

Homework at 4 years old is inhumane. That will take off some pressure from you, as well as be MUCH healthier for your daughter. (She's FOUR YEARS OLD. Let her be four years old.)

Second, either wean the 2 year old, or put him on formula.

Third, you and your husband need to decide whether he want to work all the time, or he wants to be a husband and a father.

It's just wrong to leave you in the situation you're in, 50 hours a week (well, there's also lunch and comute, so completely alone, with your 3 very young kids all day every day).

There's nothing wrong with you. There's a lot wrong with your and your husband's expectations about what a mere human can take.

Remove about 60% of the obscenely huge stress in your life, and you'll have the physical and emotional room to feel like a human being.

As long as your situation is beyond what any human can endure, you'll be miserable.

If you husband doesn't care whether or not you're completely miserable, then he's not a true husband.

Answer 2

OK, you're NORMAL. Who wouldn't be depressed if they had to spend any amount of time in your shoes.

Maybe your husband has A.S, but that's no excuse. If he can work 10hr days then he can certainly find some time to help out around the house. They are HIS KIDS TOO! During this time in your lives he needs to be HOME as much as he can. Even if he takes a hit in the paycheck, he's paying an even higher price right now by sacrificing his wifes well being.

You NEED some time, & I mean regular time with an adult, & your husband needs to spend some time with his kids. Everybody would be better for it.
There should be times set up where he comes home to take over with the kids, so you can get out of the house.
What you do with that time is up to you. Take a break, go for a walk, join a club, volunteer, take a college course, get a part-time job. It doesn't matter as long as you are out in the world mixing it up with real adults.

You probably don't really need to be taking anti-depressants.
You just need some time for yourself.

Your husband can't appreciate what you are going through, because he's never been there/done that.

The things you said you want are realistic, & reasonable.
If your husband can't see that, then he's unreasonable.

Answer 3

I was a house wife with 3 BOYS (9 y.o. twins and a 20 month old baby) I seemed down and out a few times just because I felt hopeless.
I know chores may be overwhelming but you should talk to your husband and let him know how you feel (a civil conversation..no yelling...) ask him to help you with the chores. It makes a big difference once your house is cleaned (well to me it is...I feel so much better. Why don't you join a parenting group (like meetups.com in your area) so you can meet other mothers and you can get out of the house for a few hours. Don't worry. You will smile again. Its a difficult job being a mother but YOU need to be STRONG! hope this helps... if you need to vent more email me. Take care and GOd Bless

Answer 4

Melissa i am sorry to hear about your husband
kids are overwhelming this i know
just wait till they are all teenagers!!! that's when the real he!! starts trust me
maybe try to do a schedule for yourself talk to your husband
on his one day off schedule time for yourself even if it is 1 hour before the first baby wakes up
you go for a walk or jog
or coffee something
bottle feeding i know you have breast feed and you can still do
but pump your milk and try to get them used to a bottle now and then i don't know if that will work because i never breast feed it hurt to much
finally and last but not least imagine life with no one
no husband no kids
take 3-4 deep and i mean deep breaths look around and thank God for what you have
maybe you can hire someone to help you out a few hours a day a few days a week.

Answer 5

No you are not pathetic, sad or weird but you sound at breaking point. Have you spoken to your health visitor? Get advice and support on getting at least one of the babies weaned and professional support for your two year old son. You said that you think you might need antidepressants you obviously yet have not discussed this with your doctor. Get an appointment fast and tell him exactly how you are feeling. You sound like you need much more than anti depressants. All the very best xx

Answer 6

Of course you are overwhelmed!

Sounds like you need to take measures into your own hands and set up an appointment to meet with a therapist. Either find one you can meet at night (when the hub is home), or during the day if you have a sitter.

You may also want to consider joining a MOMS club in your area. You can vent with other moms, get some badly needed support, and get out of the house more (which helps).

Answer 7

God bless you for all you are trying to do.

If you have a church home, I'm sure that your church family will help by babysitting your children for a Saturday afternoon/evening if you'll just ask. Perhaps you can plan some time then with your husband. If he's working, then do something during that time for yourself. Sounds like you need and deserve it.

Don't stress over the household chores. Work on only the most visible areas, then shut the doors to the other rooms. Get to them when you can.

Answer 8

see a professional psychologist.. You must change your life.. Tell your hubby that u need some time 4 ur self so you can gain some energy n then you ll be more able to give everything to your family.. Gym is v helpful. Talks wit ppl have almost the same props will also help u realise u r not alone.. ask God n u ll get.. 2 Hours a day just 4 u.. Be brave.. i KNOW PPL THAT R ALMOST IN THE SAME SITUATION.. Dont take pills cos u dont need them right now but if u continue this, u ll need them soon.. Go c a professional n he ll guide u.. BE STRONG.. TRY THINK POSITIVE.

Answer 9

First of all, I want to I'm sorry you're going through such an ordeal. Secondly, you're NOT sad, pathetic, or weird. I know what it's like to have to live with AS, as I've been doing it for a number of years now. While I wouldn't suggest you start on anti-depressants, I would recommend you slow your pace, and have a friend with you to help you with the kids while your husband is gone to work. Also I suggest you get some counseling from a mental health professional, someone who is knowledgable about AS. Finally, I hope things will be better for you. You're in my prayers, Good Luck to you.

Answer 10

You're normal in a way. No one has the same same life, but this is my say in this. Don't take the anti-depressents, they just make you feel more depressed because all they do is remind you WHY you're taking them.

I feel for you in a way. I know I don't have as many problems, but I still do. I'm a student, & there is no end to my worries. I am a great student; last year I got a honor roll. Today I got a 51% in Spanish & my mom needs to see it. She's gonna kill me, & I feel so horrible. There is no end to worries; you get rid of one & another comes back to harrass you.

LOL, when I was her age, I did the same thing. NO child will not complain or cry, my bro is in 2nd grade and he is, by far the smartest kid in his class, but he cries when it's time to do it. I think you should make a chart & when she finishes it, she gets a sticker! (it works!) She'll still gonna compain, but not as often. Tell her how good she is too.

Go to school meeting, get involved in her school, you'll meet friends.

Can't really help you there, sorry.

Smile & laugh, the more you do, the less depressed you'll feel, I promise. I feel for you. What type of private school does your daughter go to? I go to a christian school