He cheated once and seems very sorry for it, he hasn't acted like the controlling asshole he used to be. He seems to have changed and seems like a sweetheart now. I'm scared that he'll do it again. We've been going out for a year with that 3 month cheating break and we've been back together for the past 4 months, I feel like I could forgive him eventually, but I'm scared and I feel bad when I rub it in his face. He says he did it because he was scared of feeling deeply about anyone (he was in a 2 and a half year relaitonship with a girl who left him for someone else) (Thats what he did to me). I kind of believe him but I'm not sure. What do you think? Should I forgive him? Do you think he'll cheat again? Do you think I'm making a mistake? Or should I give him one last final fair chance?
2007-10-10 08:31:41 · 34 answers · asked by Vexi_Lexi 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He didn't sleep with her (I found out thru other sources). He just left me for her and they went out for three months, but he talked to me the entire time.
2007-10-10 08:34:14 · update #1
He kissed her the day he was planning to break up with me.
2007-10-10 08:48:29 · update #2
He kissed her the day he was planning to break up with me.
2007-10-10 08:48:30 · update #3
Give him the benefit of YOUR doubt.
2007-10-10 08:35:10 · answer #1 · answered by H.M.C 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If he left you for this girl, its not really cheating. Cheating is when he does something (most people say sex, but some will consider kissing or something to be cheating as well) while you two are still dating.
I would give him another chance, if you feel you want to be with him. If he shows this to be a habit, then you should leave him. For now, work on forgiveness. You can always forgive once. It might be a mistake to do it a second time.
2007-10-10 08:40:34 · answer #2 · answered by kittiesandsparklelythings 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just from my own personal knowledge of a good friend. he cheated on her once and it took him a long time to get her to forgive and take him back. i'm not sure what magic, charm or story he gave her to convince her to let him back into her life again. perhaps he used the same excuse as yours, being afraid to feel deeply for someone or getting too close, too committed or whatever. mind you, he was also a controlling ***, but since she's taken him back, he's a sweetheart (almost slave) for her. he asnwers at her beck and call and will do anything to please her, the SAD thing is, he is cheating (found out from other resources) on her again and she has no clue. she had her suspicions, but he used his charm again. he's just good at cheating and covering his tracks. i wouldn't trust this guy with a 20 foot pole and maybe you shouldn't completely trust yours either. it's your choice, but you would be risking your heart again and chances are that if you forgave him once, he knows how to get to you and will do it again. why? he knows you love him, why else take him back?
2007-10-10 08:41:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should go with your heart. Sounds like you really want to give him that second chance that you have allowed. You being hurt is very understanding, but you taking him back and not giving him a chance is not. You can't keep throwing it in his face, that would defeat the point of taking him back. He may cheat again. He may not. This second chance along with time will tell. If he is going to hang himself then let him do it alone don't give him the rope with accusational word. I know that it is easier said then done, but give it a try or let it go.
2007-10-10 08:47:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In any relationship, there are times when the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence. That's called temptation - it's natural and usually harmless.
But, if your partner actually goes to the other side, you need to lock the gate behind him/her. Because going over the fence once makes it much more likely to happen again.
Realize that a broken trust can never be fully restored. No second chances. Say goodbye and get on with your life.
2007-10-10 08:51:52 · answer #5 · answered by ragtops 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By the definition of cheating, this doesn't sound like it.
If he didn't have sex with her and he only dated her after first breaking up with you, then it's not cheating.
If this is truly what happened, then giving him a (cautionary) second chance would be okay.
BUT, if the info you have is wrong and he did cheat, never give a cheater a second chance. There are too many guys out there that would treat a woman soooo much better than that.
2007-10-10 08:40:17 · answer #6 · answered by Paul V 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he left you then that isn't cheating. I am assuming he left you before really getting involved with her. You are entitled to feel insecure for a long time but that doesn't mean you can't love him and stay with him. Now if he ever shows signs of cheating again kick him straight to the curb. Maybe he really did just need a break to realize that he totally loves you.
Now you say he is controling. I hope that he isn't still that way. Don't stay with someone that isn't your equal and that doesn't make you feel like a queen.
Good luck!
2007-10-10 08:38:47 · answer #7 · answered by copswife93 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think if you are going to continue to have a relationship with him you are going to have to trust him. Do not be throwing it up in his face when you guys get into an argument. This solves nothing. If you love him and you are willing to work through this then you are going to have to be mature about it and simply just love him. I'm sure he knows how you feel about the cheating episode and you don't need to remind him of it. Let him know that you would never go through that again and if he did it once more.....he's gone! But don't throw it up in his face and remain the person he came back to. You must be pretty loving and have great qualities for him to come back to you. Remain that person! Good luck and God bless you.
2007-10-10 08:40:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
i'll say this much... if i were to ever cheat on my husband i would feel REALLY bad about it and i don't think i would do it again, but i know that he would never be able to trust me again. and i'm positive i would feel exactly the same way concerning him.
and a relationship without trust isn't worth having. how can u be happy if every girl that walks by, u think he might take a look. its just not worth it.
i've been there and dumped that!
and now i'm extremely happy with my husband who i trust completely.
bottom line, if u can't trust him, don't keep him!
2007-10-10 08:39:08 · answer #9 · answered by prettygirl415 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best advice would be this:
When in doubt...don't.
BUT...
If you really want to be with this guy AND he really, truly cares about you, he'll understand you wanting to take things slow. Be friends, re-learn how to trust him. If he's sincere, he'll give you all the time you need until you heal.
Wait until you are SURE within your heart that either:
A: if he cheats again, you walk away without it breaking your heart. OR
B: your certain that he won't do it again...and only time will tell you that.
Good luck
2007-10-10 08:38:57 · answer #10 · answered by snowmom4k 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
give him another chance. if you really love this guy and you want it to work, you won't give up after one mistake. getting over cheating is very hard on a relationship, so both parties involved need to show 100% dedication. so no more rubbing it in his face, that'll just make him bitter. just try not to always ask him where he's going and who with(he might feel caged in), you need to let him know that you've forgiven him and are ready to move on.
being cheated on sucks and it's hard to move on, but you have to. good luck!
2007-10-10 08:40:38 · answer #11 · answered by eto 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋