Bumper sticker answers to deep questions...?

Question

Do Christians realize that the platitudes they offer those who go through intensely painful things in life are a great way to turn them off to the Gospel message permanently?

I was a choir member and Sunday School teacher for 12 years or so, and my third son was stillborn at 8 1/2 months. There was no hidden sin or anything in my life, and I believed everything the church told me to. Why would a loving God do this to me? And why would people feel the need to feed me cliches and pretend that it was meant to be and I should not question it?

Sorry to rant. I just despise having something so tragic and hard to understand handed back to me with a big bow tied on top that explains it all.

Thank you all for your answers. Well...most of you.

If God was "teaching" me something, I choose to voluntarily withdraw from the class.

neil s--Exactly my conclusion. I'm a pretty weak Deist on my best days now.

Answer 1

I'd agree that all religion has to offer are pat non-answers to difficult questions. Or outright evasions - when somebody dies, it's "He's passed on to a better place." Anything not to have to deal with reality.

It's not that I don't understand the reasons why people turn to religion - I've had to deal with death, and I can see the appeal of the idea of "heaven" - but I can't acquiesce in it.

Answer 2

You have my sympathy. I hate it when people I love die. I can imagine that having a child die would be awful.
Not only the loss, also the wondering if you did something wrong, worked too hard, ate a bad piece of fruit.
I guess that it would not help to point out that there are many children who die for no reason, caused by nothing that the mother did or the father did.
I am sorry to say that not everything happens for a reason.
Not everything makes sense.

There is nothing I can tell you about God, or plans, or reason.
Sometimes the best thing to do is cry and scream and kick at tin cans. At least if it helps you feel a bit better afterwards.

When stuff like this happens there is nothing that can be done. That is life as it is.
All we can do is carry on, we bury our dead, and care for the living.

Answer 3

You have every right to grieve the loss of your son. You are entitled to feel angry at God and terribly hurt because you never did anything to deserve this pain, and to you it feels like a Heavenly betrayal.
We don't know all the reasons why the Bible includes the (fictional?) story of Job. His agony was terrible and he too felt mocked by a loving God, but he also concluded "I will trust Him though he slay me." (Or something close to that.)
When my friend lost his beloved daughter, age 18, in an accident, he knew he had two choices. He could force himself to continue trusting God and believe that all things come together for good...or he could make himself ill with bitterness and loneliness. So He made the only choice he could. Today -- ten years later -- he is pretty much over the loss, but he hasn't stopped talking joyously about his daughter and how he will see her again in Heaven. As I told him long ago, "You will never conquer your pain, but you can learn to manage it." I think that is still good advice.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for your loss and for the way people who thought they were helping you imposed their own fears upon you.

People need the Lord, and you've lived through some of the many reasons why. "Religion" ain't enough. Only a real relationship with the loving and transforming God who died to save us can make a real difference.

You know there are no words that can sooth a mother's pain. People haven't learned that silence is the best comforter in such times and just keep your mouthes shut. But such a self-less act would not bring that temporary fix to their own discomfort and so they seek out words and dump them on hurting people. Love would forgive them, release the "right" to make them pay for their short sightedness. I encourage you when you're able to seek God in the solitude of prayer and speak words of forgiveness over those who hurt you.

You are dearly loved. "Why" is not something we get to know, and God seems to think we couldn't handle knowing the answer. And so trusting God, who alone is big enough to hold our pain, our sorrow, our rants and our grief, we cry our eyes out once again and repeat Job's words: Blessed be the name of the LORD.

Answer 5

Sweety, I'm very sorry for your loss. I can say with true honestly that I know what you mean. My son was stillborn at 6 months, and its hard to swallow that it was just not meant to be. There are painful and angry questions that you have and want to ask. Its been almost three years since I lost my son, and I have to tell you that with every person the grieving process is different, but I am just to the point where I have lost some of my anger. Support groups help. People say the things they say because they want to help you, and child-loss is very hard for people to accept, or help you deal with. You can email me later if you wanna talk.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

sorry for your loss, but i do not quite understand what you are asking - are you saying that because you were a member of a choir and taught at sunday school you were less deserving to lose your child than someone who is not a practising catholic? I'm sorry but you arent a practising catholic if you are asking 'why me not them'. i hate that attitude.
I am a great believer in fate and i do think that some (not all) things happen for a reason, i do not believe in god, altho i was raised in a catholic family. I can understand your frustration at the church if this is what they are saying to you, but please, don't try and say just because you're a good girl that **** shouldn't happen to you

Answer 8

1) An all-loving creator would want (by definition) as deep a relationship as possible with its creation(s).
2) If said creator is also all-powerful, any attempt to enter into a relationship with it will work (it wants it and has the power to allow it to happen)
3) Intellectual discourse is one way people attempt to enter into relationships with others.
4) Reasoned (intellectually honest and clear) disbelief in said creator should be impossible
5) Reasoned disbelief does exist
Therefore, either
1) No deity exists
2) Whatever deity that does exist is either not all-loving, not all-powerful, or both.

Either of these two conclusions rule out what most people would call "God".

Answer 9

It happens to all of us. I've had platitudes offered to me several times. EVERYONE in my family is dead, including an identical twin. I don't blame God.
You DO have other children, and, I am assuming, a husband.
I have no family. I am not bitter, though.


Some people do NOT realize that they are turning people off.
Ignore the platitudes.


That is no reason to turn your back on God. It is not His fault.

I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 10

Sorry about your pain. It must be a terribly difficult thing to go through.

Just know that there are many people out there that do have emotion and care deeply when another human is hurting.

I am not a Christian, so can't offer you any sage words of wisdom or hope for the future base on belief, only my sympathies.

Hopefully you have family and friends who can help you through this tough time, if not, feel free to email me, I might not have any good advise, but can listen.

Edit
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And please ignore the answer above mine as it is exactly what you are talking about, and comes from a terribly heartless place.

Crusader, your answer is a shining example of exactly what turns me off the most about Christianity.

Answer 11

I cannot imagine the grief you must feel over the loss of your son. My heart goes out to you. Take some comfort in the fact that you have two sons who still need you and love you. It doesn't make the pain less, but perhaps it might ease the sting. I will light a candle for your family.