There is a wake for my friend's mom died last friday. this is the first time I am going for a wake. How can I give my condolences to the family who are grieving? Should I get flowers or no? and also what am I suppose to wear for that? I really need some help and I will appreciate that. Thanks!
2007-10-10 07:55:39 · 8 answers · asked by hondolkk 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Wear a nice pair of pants and a blouse/shirt. Jeans are too casual, but don't overdo it and dress like you're going to a wedding reception either. If you're a woman, go easy on the makeup, leave the high heels at home. You're not necessarily limited to black, but think serious, solemn.
I think one of the best ways to express your condolences is to BE THERE for your friend and your friend's family. Express your condolences to the family members. Sometimes there is a receiving line set up to help people do this. Most of the time, if you don't know the family members well, all you have to say walking through the receiving line is "I'm so sorry." Take your conversational cues from how the other person responds. Most likely they'll say "thank you so much" and then move to the next person waiting in line. These conversations probably won't get too heavy or intimate. You might give out a hug or two.
I'd recommend investing most of your attention in your friend. First things first: ask if there's anything you can do to help with the wake or funeral. ANYTHING. Make coffee, help collect cards, babysit/dogsit, run errands, pick people up at the airport - volunteer to do anything that a family member is doing that you could do instead, so the family member can more fully participate in the services. Longer term, stay in contact with this friend, get together and give him or her oppportunities to talk if he/she wants to.
Dealing with a death in the family can be a long process. Make it clear you're there.
2007-10-10 08:56:06 · answer #1 · answered by TLH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People tend to fall into the cliche of "All black," but that's not really true. For a wake, semi-formal attire is best. Don't show up in Jeans and a t-shirt, but a tux with coat-tails and a top hat is also inappropriate. Nice dress slacks as well as a nice button down shirt is acceptable. Remember, you're not trying to draw attention to yourself, you're there to pay your respects.
Flowers and a card are optional, many people like to give something to the family, but many times presence really DOES say much more than a sympathy card ever could. If you do decide to get them an arrangement, though, you should keep it small and simple and not too gaudy.
2007-10-10 15:11:12 · answer #2 · answered by Lindsey B 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I recently went to a wake and wore a dark color (it doesn't have to be black) but some women were wearing tight pedal pushers and low cut summery tops (people commented that they looked ridiculous).
Sending flowers before the service to the funeral home is traditional, but if that's too costly, you can buy an arrangement or bouquet in a vase and give
to funeral director yourself before the service. Be sure to put a card with them so the family will know to whom to send the thank you
2007-10-10 15:09:19 · answer #3 · answered by SueB 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For wakes and funerals, wear black or dark navy blue. People do not take flowers to a wake or a funeral. If you wish to send a floral arrangement, contact a florist and have one sent. If you wish to offer condolences to the family members merely offer how sorry you are for their loss. And be there for your friend.
2007-10-10 15:16:24 · answer #4 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wear black. Sign in at the guest book. Do not bring anything. One always 'sends' flowers to the funeral home or donates to the charity listed in the obituary. that charity sends a notice to the family that you have donated in the deceased 's memory. When you go to the wake , you simply say ' I am so sorry for your great loss' when you see the family members.
that is very nice of you to go
2007-10-10 15:04:15 · answer #5 · answered by barthebear 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You can dress in neat and clean clothes of any color. Flowers are expensive and are usually sent to the funeral home that you order from a Florist. O you could put money in an envelope and give it to the dad.
2007-10-10 15:19:09 · answer #6 · answered by Angel 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Always wear black, it is the only thing that is appropriate. You can send flowers, or donate money to a charity in her honor and then send them a card stating what you did.
2007-10-10 14:59:46 · answer #7 · answered by Laurajean 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wear black and yes you can have flowers sent for that. The same as you would for a funeral. Best wishes.
2007-10-10 15:06:53 · answer #8 · answered by Gladys C 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋