My boyfriend's sisters wedding is in September 2008 and my wedding is set for december 2008 is this too close?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and when he finally popped the question, I quickly started planning my dream wedding. His family and I get along really well, but ever since they found out my wedding was in december, there is a huge tension between us. They countiually ask us to move it back till may 2009, so that the attention is not taken off of his sister. I really dont know what to do, because this happy time in our life has turn into a nightmare. THis situation which is suppose to bring me and him closer together is only tearing us apart. He wants to make everyone happy, but I dont see where it is any of their business to tell us to push our wedding back. Please help!!!!

I want a simple winter wedding, which my parents are totally paying for. The only thing they feel they have to tend to is the rehersal supper, which I told them we can all make a dish for, so that it wouldnt cost a lot.

Answer 1

it's a hard situation, but being 4 months apart, I think you're okay.
My sister got engaged a few months after us, and less than 8 months before our wedding, changed hers to 3 weeks before our wedding. There was DEFINETLY some tension there... not because i wanted my 'spotlight', but because some family/friends had to choose which wedding to attend [so close together they couldn't afford to travel and book off time for both].
four months seems to be reasonable. [your showers won't overlap as ours did, etc].

Try to sit down with JUST the parents and fiance and discuss with with them [your fiance's sister will be more emotional].
Make sure they know that their daughter's wedding will be very different compared to their son [traditionally they plan and pay for the daughters, and just host the son's rehearsal dinner]... they may be worried about THEIR finances.. so make it clear what you THINK you've been offered [i'm not sure if you've discussed finances, but most couples pay for their own nowadays unless offered otherwise].

Answer 2

I know this has got to be awful for you! I understand where you're coming from, but I would say they have a right to be upset if the sister was engaged and set the date before you.

Since both weddings will be in the immediate family, and within 3 months of each other, it may also be a matter of cost.

If you haven't made deposits on halls and such, could you perhaps compromise and move it back a little? Is there a reason they are specifically pushing May? Unless the date has some emotional significance for you outside of the wedding date, it would be a small compromise to keep peace in the family.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I am sorry that this wonderful happy time has been turned into such a stressful event for you. I know you have your heart set on this date,adn to be honest I think 2-1/2-3 months between the weddings is fin, but obviously his parents are not ok with that. Is there a specific reason you wanted it is Dec 2008? If there is maybe you can explain to his family why this is so significant. If they still won't budge, consider moving the date. You don't want to start your life off with people upset that you are married. I am getting married Memorial Weekend 2009. We wanted Memorial weeked 2008, but we realized that both my sister and his graduate college around that time. Sometimes it is hard on many families to have to do all of that in such a short span. That is a lot of money spent and a lot of travel to do and time off to ask for. Good luck!

Answer 4

The first thing you need to do is ask your sister-in-law to be to be one of your bridesmaids. Then, I think you and she need to sit down and talk face to face about this ... you are really the only ones that matter. I don't believe the two weddings are too close to each other and they are both in different seasons so there shouldn't be any conflict over this at all. If the two brides are happy with the respective wedding dates what else should matter?

And, by the way, how would the attention be taken away from her when she's the one that's getting married first? having bridal showers first? honeymooning first?

I think it's lovely that the two of you will have this opportunity to share and develop a friendship over the planning you both have to do.

Answer 5

Do they still plan on celebrating her wedding two months after the fact? Her wedding will be over and done with before yours even starts. Do these people thinks she gets the whole year to celebrate? I can even see if yours was before hers but my goodness it is way after. What are they so threatened by?

My wedding (which was many many years ago) was scheduled for July 7. It was not a big wedding, just family. My future MIL asked me to delay it a week as she was going to a "thing" for Rainbow Girls and that only happened once a year. Ha ha ha !!! I didn't laugh out loud, I just changed it to July 14. I still (all these years later) don't know if I did the right thing or not. But I was young and dumb.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Do these people actually consider their daughter's wedding more important than their son's wedding? Apparently my MIL thought her young daughters assembly or conference or whatever for Rainbow Girls (which is a club) was more important than her son's wedding.

As your mother what she thinks you should do. She is closer to the situation and can give better advice. Also talk seriously with your fiance and see what his wishes are. I know he just doesn't want any conflict but see if he thinks it would be worth your changing your dreams for his families schedule.


Good luck, I do not blame you for being angry and upset about this. Please post again and let us know what you have decided.

Answer 6

Irais is right. Friends and family on the groom's side will have to travel again and buy another gift... all for the same family. And, December is a very expensive and busy time for many people. Some people will decline because they already have other holiday plans and expectations. My friend wanted a December wedding, but her own Mom convinced her to have it in February instead. Many of her friends thanked her later.

Answer 7

I know this might seem a little weird. But hear me out.. Since your both getting married around the same time. have you thought about getting married on the same day as your soon to be sister-in-law? A really great friend of mine did the very same thing Im talking about. She adored her sister in law and vice versa. and it was actually the husband of the sister in law who suggested the idea. Saved both familes the expense of having to pay for two weddings. The brides got together and meshed both weddings together. Compromised on colors, groomsman, bridesmaids.. etc.. just thought I would throw this out there.

Answer 8

Oh good grief! Another bride (not you) that thinks they get the whole YEAR to be in the spotlight. Good grief! They are acting like children.

My cousin's wedding was two WEEKS before mine and neither of us had any problem with that. We each got our own DAY. The people we have in common when to both weddings. No one tried to "out-do" the other. We each did our own thing and were happy for each other and went to each other's weddings.

I am amazed at how selfish people can be.

If you REALLY want to stick it to them, move the wedding... but move it UP to May 2008. Tell them you really didn't want to move it back, so you moved it up so that your wedding will be "out of the way" before the sister's wedding and all the focus will be on her from May to September. LOL

Answer 9

I think you are putting too heavy a burden on yourself. There is no point getting overly worked up the day of your wedding. You need to stay flexible in a crisis. If it's going to create ill feelings among new family members, then postpone. If they're people you will see only once in a great while, tell them to stuff it. I lean to the side of saying stuff it. :) It is a year away. Maybe they'll change their minds.

Answer 10

It's three MONTHS! Tell Bridezilla to chill out. She doesn't own the calendar nor does she have exclusive rights to WHEN people can have their wedding. You need to let your fiance know she's being out of line making such a request. If I were you I'd either move the date up several months OR leave it as is. It is not up to your future in-laws OR the bride to dictate when you and your fiance marry.