Part of me wants to go, part of me doesn't. Advice?

Question

It's been 5 mos since my ex (we were together for 2.5 yrs) broke up with me. We still talk, but he contacts me mostly. His birthday is coming up and he's invited me. Part of me wants to go, but part of me doesn't. I want to go because I hadn't seen him in a while. I don't want to go because what if he posted an invite on MySpace and a lot the girls that are on his friends list likes him and I don't want to be there if those GIRLS are there (it took a lot out of me to refer to them as girls). I don't want to ruin his party by showing up or getting angry because those GIRLS are there.

I still love him very much, but I don't want to be there if those girls are there. I admit that I just can't stand to see him with someone else other than me. His bf has called to beg me into coming because he claims my ex wants me to come and he wants to see me. For some reason, I'm not buying it. I really dont know if I want to go or not. Any advice?

Answer 1

From what you've said here, it sounds like you really don't want to go and deal with all that angst. I probably wouldn't go either - if he really wants to see you, there are other places and times.
Go with your gut - it's usually right.

Answer 2

I don't think you should go. My reasoning has nothing to do with the other girls though. I think that after being with someone that long, and then you see each other at a gathering such as a party, it has mess written all over it. Not necessarily a fight but still, a lot of things come back when you see someone you were with for that long, like pain. And to add to it, it probably would really hurt to see him with another girl, knowing you can't do or say anything because you aren't his girlfriend anymore. I was with an ex for almost 2 years, and I made the mistake of going to a party or two that I knew he was going to be at. The first one, he left with another girl. The second was a new years party and I was the one he came and kissed, none of which was discussed or done on purpose. Then a few other places we saw each other because we had mutual friends, and neither of us did anything with anyone else, or at least not in front of one another and its just awkward. I removed myself from those situations. I don't want him anymore, but for the longest time he was still hung up on me. I don't know. I think that a lot of things could go wrong, I think you shouldn't go and you should just go have a girls night or something. Go mingle with other guys, or just your girls. Things will get better. Time heals all wounds. I'm not saying you want to get back with him, I don't know your situation, thats just my opinion.

Answer 3

if he really wants you to go...he will invite you himself...in addition, you should know those girls will probably be there regardless...and yes things change even though they might seem somewhat the same on MySpace or whatever...he is an ex, so if he really wants you back, make him prove it...plus I'm betting someone else has caught your attention as of late and you really think this new guy might be special...exes are exes for a reason and someitmes it works when you try and get back together but usually moving on is the best bet

Answer 4

My advice to you:

If your spouse really wants to see you and if he really misses you that bad, his invitation to you should be one on one. If you go to his birthday party-- you have no clue [just as you say] on what to expect.

Any time an event is common/public knowledge, there are those who don't get it-- they will come whether they're invited or not.

Be good to yourself and stay away even though the desire may become stronger in the face of your resolve to stay away. Don't set yourself up. In this situation, if it's not an R.S.V.P. and you can be an idea of who's who...go with the check in your spirit. As I say, there always seems to be party bashers-- so people just don't play fair.

I certainly hope things work out for you, and will say a little prayer for you!

Answer 5

well, i dint really know all the details, like the reason you broke up. i think that you two broke up for a reason and the best thing would've been not to be so close anymore. i know that's hard since it was a long term relationship, but if you are in love with him and aren't going to be with him, what is the point in talking to him, if its going to give you false hope. talk to him about how you feel and find out how he feels. if i were you i wouldn't go to the party, because i know i would feel depressed just seeing him with other girls.

Answer 6

By asking this question, it tells me you shouldnt go. You are not ready to see him in a social surrounding where he might be with another girl. Tell him your busy, but would like to stop by some other time and give him a card. You can have a face to face without distractions, and then you will see what exactly he means by wanting to see you.

Answer 7

Dont go, you will drive yourself crazy. If you still want to be with him, and he "really wants you at the party" there is no reason the 2 of you cant go out for a b-day lunch another day sometime.
You sound pretty young....You really need to sit alone and ask yourself if you still love him, or if you hate to be alone.
Because you said urself u dont want to be there cause you dont want to see him with other girls.......translation "You dont want to see him happy with someone else before you are" It happens to all of us!!!!!!!

Answer 8

It's been 5 months, I wouldn't go just because if your gonna get mad when you see girls there, then its not a very good idea. Don't put yourself in that situation. If you love him, just tell him it would hurt you to see him with other girls around him and such. Tell him you want to go but it's too much for you, so soon.

Answer 9

with the chance that he might be hanging around with other girls i wouldn't go! because even though yall have been takling yall aren't really together so there is the chance he could be hanging out with a lot of different girls and you dont' want to cause drama at his party!

Answer 10

dont go. seems to me you still have love left for him, but you better love yourself more. if you ask, what if he genuinely wants to see you. well let him miss you then. just dont show up. hook up with a guy friend of yours ( a really good friend), go watch a fun concert, have some fancy dinner, drive around time, play a game or watch a movie...celebrate his birthday your way!