Help! Is he a loser?

Question

He quit his job of 2 years without giving notice and is coasting on his last paycheck with no back up funds. He is almost 40 years old, should I stick it out and see if he straightens his life up? We just started dating 2 months ago, I don't know what to think... He talks a good talk and seems like he has lots of potential...

Answer 1

The only thing I would caution you about is money. He may very well come to you asking to borrow money. DON'T LEND HIM A DIME! You will regret it and it way too early in the relationship to do something like that. You still don't know him super well.

Otherwise, follow that little feeling in your chest. It is always right. I personally think if you are questioning whether or not you should continue seeing him, you already have your answer. If you're going to wait for him to "straighten out" you are likely to wait a long time and be very frustrated and disappointed. And if now is a difficult time in his life a relationship probably isn't a wise thing for him to enter.

One last thing. If he just up and quit a job of two years with no notice, what's to say he wouldn't do the same damn thing to you down the road? Just food for thought.

Answer 2

I know people who are like that, quitting jobs regularly without giving notice, not having any plan, etc. If you like the idea of supporting him, go ahead and stick it out. Talking a good talk is not really that important. Take a look at the actions, not the words.

Answer 3

Stick with him for right now, but be very cautious about how he is handling his finances and if he is even trying to look for a new job. If he's still lagging, then you need to tell him that you're a little worried and think he should be getting a job before the government is getting his house!

If he is still not doing a thing about it, that shows a lack of responsibility and financial management ability. That is when you walk out on him.

Answer 4

An important question is WHY did he quit his job. If the situation was hopeless and he is actively looking for work, that isn't so bad.

On the other hand, if he quit "just because" and he's waiting for the first bill to come in after his money is gone to start looking for work, that would probably be a sign that it's time to go.

Let his answer be your guide, and insist on honesty.

Answer 5

I don't think you should dump him just because he did something financially unwise. I'd think twice about *marrying* him, or having kids with him or anything, but at 2 months that's probably not really an issue anyway.

Be cautious, watch for a trend. You're absolutely right that ths is a giant red flag and I wouldn't expect him to start being fiscally responsible at his age. But it could just be a down time for him.

Answer 6

It depends, is he actively looking for work, going to school, etc? One thing about a good partner is that he/she is self-sufficient (as long as it's not illegal). My ex was not self-sufficient and even though he did not drain my funds, breaking up was the best thing that happened, b/c I came to realize that he almost expected me to take care of him. With our baby on the way, he knew my focus would be shifted, and he bailed. You've only been dating for 2 months. If he starts asking you for money and other things, time to go...

Answer 7

if he has like 100 grand saved up i can understand him, but 40 years old and no back up (if he doesnt have money stashed away) yea i would tell him if i were you, just asked him what he is going to do next? and if he gives some lame excuse just tell him you know he has potential....then tell him no "offense, you cant be with someone who has no plan, no direction" i wouldnt want to be with a woman who has no plan/direction and his riding on their last paycheck to hold them, unless its like a million dollar paycheck or something

Answer 8

You should always have a new job before you quit your present job. Is he looking for a job? I wouldn't start supporting him financially. If he's not looking for a job I'd have serious doubts about staying with him.

Answer 9

i would maybe wait and see what happens when his paycheck runs out. he may ask you for $... if he knows u have it... maybe the 1st couple times it's o.k. , but after like 2 times tell him you can't support himthat he needs to find work.

so uhm.. yes stick it out for a while until it feels like you're supporting his every need and he won't look for work.

Answer 10

Talk is cheap. I think I would ease out of the situation. Maybe stay friends, but you don't need someone who doesn't want to work. Life is too short for that.