and it hurts very much. He wants to come back but I am keeping him at bay till a time when I feel I can talk to him without being upset. He said "he doesn't know if he can wait" and when I said "we are back to day one then, if you want me to trust you again" he said "oh well I don't want to be at day one, I don't think I can do that"...
He 's just a user isn't he? He just wants to come back so I can wait on him hand and foot, subsidise his low income and feed him.... (the money I was helping him out with, bought HER drinks - my hard earned cash!)
What shall I do. Sever all ties & grow strong OR stop being mean to him and see him , tonight? I have asked him to wait till Friday... Is that unreasonable?
2007-10-10 03:37:25 · 73 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All of these answers are BEST ANSWERS . Thank you everyone, I am glad I asked. Going to put this one to the vote. There are 72 to choose from !! Thanks xxx Mary xxx
2007-10-11 23:50:54 · update #1
Why see him again? He's already proven what a cheater and user he is. YOu are still vulnerable right now, and he knows it, which means he will sweet-talk you back into his life and while he may change his behavior at first, he will just go back to his playin ways. And you know this.
2007-10-10 03:39:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 0⤋
Remember how you felt when you found out he was cheating? How you felt all those times he has disappointed you or made you angry?
You are going to need to concentrate on the bad things, because you will feel vunerable and lonely for the next few weeks, most likely months. get your friends together, if he's really how you described him, I'm positive they didn't like him - get them to help you heal.
don't see him. EVER again.
he cheated on you, so you have every right to be angry, if you take him back A) you have no respect for yourself. B) he will realise he can walk all over you. C) he will hurt you again... he probably has done it many times, he's not sorry for how he made you feel, he's sorry that he got caught!
Respect yourself hun, this can only make you stronger - unless you take that bastard back.
You deserve a guy who cares about you, treat you like a princess... a woman should NEVER have to provide for a man (unless they are married and the man lost his job or had an accident, etc... you know what I mean.)
Don't give him sex, money, sympathy or anything - you will feel terrible afterwards, he is a user. just cut contact with him. change your mobile number, if he shows up at your house, call the police.
DON'T SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST.
I would rather be single for the rest of my life than stay in an unhappy relationship with a cheating, disrespectful, loser that I couldn't trust. (and that's being nice).
Go out and spoil yourself with your extra money he won't be scamming off you anymore, go get some beauty treatments, and fabulous things that will make you feel happy... Throw a "I'm so happy to be free from that bastard" party, spend time with those that care about you and make you feel good about yourself.
Don't waste a moment thinking about him, unless it's remembering what a loser he was.
Hun, you are so much better off without him.
I wish you the best of luck.
2007-10-10 03:51:13 · answer #2 · answered by Trout Pout (Lollie) 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love I have to say that he has some fuckin cheek saying he cannot wait for you to get over the hurt.... I like a lot of other people have been cheated on and it hurt and drove me insane but no matter how much I knew it would do my head in I would not take her back.
If you say he is the guy that you wait on hand and foot and subsidise his income you have answered the question yourself. You do not deserve to be cheated on no one does so you will grow strong and he will go on his merry way and **** his life up.
2007-10-10 11:12:24 · answer #3 · answered by Edgein 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FFS - stand strong woman! What a jerk this ex of your's is - your hard earned cash supported his cheating and now he "doesn't think he can do that" when you tell him he has to start back at day one trustwise and you need time before you can talk to him.
Forget about meeting him. If you go and meet him, he knows he's still got some kind of control over you. Now, repeat after me "He's a slimeball user, he's a slimeball user, he's a slimeball user, etc., etc." Go out with your friends on Friday instead.
You talk to him on your terms in your own time, not when he wants. You're the injured party here, not him.
2007-10-10 04:49:17 · answer #4 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guard your heart, girl. I'm sorry, but he does sound like a user. If he really loves and respects you, he will be willing to do whatever it takes to earn your trust back, however long it takes.
Do NOT give him $$, sex, food, anything unless/until you can set some very clear boundaries that he agrees to respect. If you can communicate your feelings to him clearly without getting too emotional or upset, and IF he will listen to you, then explain it all to him and lay out what you expect from him if he wants to get back with you. If you can't do it that way, write it down and give it to him and give him time to absorb it.
If he is unable/unwilling to play by your rules, you are way better off without him.
Don't mistake your loneliness with true feelings for him--if you get back together and try to bury this without really dealing with it because you feel lonely or desperate, it will keep popping up later with jealousy, mistrust, control, etc. and your relationship will continue to struggle. If you can't trust him, can you possibly respect him? Do you think he respects you?
I am speaking from experience (if you can't tell) I sure wish I had seen the signs and laid down the law before I wasted 18 years with my no-good ex. I have found Mr. Right this time and we are going on seven years of "happily ever after" and it is like the difference between night and day!
Put some people around you who can help you be strong--friends, family, church, etc. Believe in yourself, and DON'T make any snap decisions, especially when he does that "charming late-night booty call" routine. Hang in there--life goes on.
2007-10-10 03:50:07 · answer #5 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex partner cheated on me. He come home from work one day and tried to come into my house. Well he had a violent threat because couple of hours earlia I had found out he had cheated. He even tried to deny it. He took my son with him aswell to meet this girl. It have taken me 18 months to get over him, I went really low for a while but now am a much stronger person. Revenge is sweet, and through experience the best revenge is letting him see you move on and enjoy you life. Make him gutted that he lost you, show him how happy you are without him. It worked for me, he tries to get back now even after all this time. I wouldn't.
A leopard never changes its spots.
All the best
x
2007-10-10 05:37:02 · answer #6 · answered by kl240 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he cheated once he will do it agian. There are so many guys in the world that you can't possibly want to waste your youth on fixing one of them. Out there is a dude you can start fresh with that will not hurt you. Don't blame yourself and don't let it ruin your life for the time being. Grab some friends, put something sexy on, and go clubbin for a few months until you feel the need to settle down again. Life is long. Enjoy it! He was....
2007-10-10 03:41:52 · answer #7 · answered by Striker 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is cheating on you dear and its time to move on. Dont see him now Friday nite or ever.
He should be supporting you and helping you, not the other way around.
You should not give him any money ever. Most certainly he should be helping you pay your bills.
You have already taken the 1st step. If you dont kick him to the curb now, he will still be doggin you in a month from now.
The only reason he wants to come back is for sex, money and a free place to live. Let someone else have his loser ***.
2007-10-10 03:53:33 · answer #8 · answered by happydawg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Using your cash to take the other girl out was grossly disrespectful to you. Before you could take him back, he needs to explain how he could do such a thing.
Meet him in a public place and give him a chance. Mind you, he will have to be good. He is skating on the thinest of thin ice. If you are subsidising him, you have the cards, make sure you play them properly to get what you want.
2007-10-10 03:48:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're feeling bad about being 'mean to him', it sure doesn't sound like you want to let go. On the other hand, when you have a history with someone, pretending that you're going back to 'day one' isn't going to work either.
Stop acting like this is your problem. He's the one that cheated. He's the one that has to make it up to you, and if you're smart, you'll make him make it up on your terms. But you can't be wishy washy about it. You've got to really be willing to say good bye to make it stick. Or he'll charm and wriggle his way back in.
So is it unreasonable to want some space? No.
2007-10-10 03:46:14 · answer #10 · answered by tacka.... 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good for you!!!
My advice - KEEP HIM OUT!!!
Why in the hell would you take him back knowing he's just going to cheat on you again with your own money?? That's just plain stupid. Sever all ties, Grow stronger, move on and learn from this!!! When Friday comes around, tell him he's out for good. There are better men out there than that!!
2007-10-10 04:02:13 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋