My parents abanoed me when I was just 8 years old, and I 've never seen them again.I was given to the state as a ward of the state,until I turned 18 years old.I'm now 35 years old and have a family of my own,and I was just wondering what your opinions might be.
2007-10-10 02:50:01 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It`s up to you.If you feel you can go to the funeral without having any repercusions thats fine, if not just stay with your family.No one can blaim you for that.And do not make yourself feel guilty if you did not go, you have no reasons to feel like that.
2007-10-10 03:21:20 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...you are such a good person for even considering going. Because you are being so open minded about it, it sounds like you might not need to have "closure" over the situation. They have passed on; that might be closure enough.
I think it could be a good way to reconnect with any family members that you may want to contact, like someone else suggested. I disagree about bringing your kids, unless they are a little older (like 16 and up). Funerals can be a very stressful situations so you can never know what to expect.
If you aren't really into reconnecting with lost family members, then I would say don't go. There's really no point, because you can't do anything with them anymore. If you want to visit in the future, visit the grave where you can pay your respects on your own, away from other mourners.
I wish you good luck. If you decide not to go to the funeral you can always visit the grave. If you do go, I hope you find whatever you are seeking.
2007-10-10 10:11:01 · answer #2 · answered by tangshengyee 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully, by now you have found forgiveness in your heart.Being the nosy person that I am, I would have to find them and ask them the question , WHY? Then, according to their reply, I would form my opinion . Perhaps, they were sent to prison on drug charges and were forced to give you up. Sometimes when these things are explained, it might be more understandable. Anyway, finding forgiveness for their hurtful behavior is your job. And whether to attend a funeral, I would say, why, unless you have interest in connecting with relatives. By the way, they might be wonderful folks. It seems that there is at least one in every family that is totally messed up. Maybe that was your parents, and the rest of the family is great. Then again, maybe not.
2007-10-10 10:45:01 · answer #3 · answered by oldknowitall 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you had a rough time because of your own parents, hon... but i hope those who looked after you offered you support and love. You were probably better off without your parents. It seems they weren't competent or capable.
I think that a person in your position would have to weigh the odds and make their own decision about the funeral. If it were me, i probably would not go.
I say this because i had a father who abandoned me emotionally from the time i can remember.. he might as well have been absent from my life all together. He was abusive and just awful... My life with him was far worse than it would have been if he physically left my life and never looked back.
I'm sending you BIG HUGS and i wish you and your family all the best.
2007-10-10 10:44:57 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you are still affected by their choice, and always will be; but, now you have the power, and the choice, to do whatever makes you the happiest.
Closure is the same as forgiveness in many ways; it is a conditional reality we place upon something hurtful in the past. And a choice not to seek retribution or reasoning for it.
IMHO, your presence at the funeral would, and SHOULD, cause any other family members there who did not step up to the plate back then, and take care of you, a great deal of shame!
2007-10-10 10:37:18 · answer #5 · answered by ZP 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, i would go as there are many family members there who want to see you and be able to get in touch with you. Bring your kids as well If they are too young to go to the funeral then leave them with your husband while you attend the funeral and have them join you after wards. The family members will be interested it anything that is a legacy of the deceased. it is an important step in your life and in your children's lives to know that they have family out there. I just went through something similar.
2007-10-10 09:59:04 · answer #6 · answered by Kimberlee Ann 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Blicky. I would go to get the closure. But that is a personal decision you have to make for yourself. If you do or don't go it's okay and no one has the right to think bad of you for either decision. If you do decide to go you may have an opportunity to connect with family who has been missing you all this time. Good luck.
2007-10-10 09:56:24 · answer #7 · answered by Steph 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think about this occasionally because my own deadbeat dad is in his sunset years, living down in Texas near the Mexican border.
Logically, funerals are closure for those left behind. You and I are just more "left behind" than most, as they got a good head start during their lifetimes.
If you think it would bring you closure to attend, attend. If you think it would cause you unnecessary pain, don't.
Me, it'll probably all revolve around whether I'm in the mood for good Mexican food.
2007-10-10 09:56:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't because you never had a real chance to get to know your parents. if they left you at the age of 8 and never kept in touch, that is not a real family. you have a family now..might not be blood but they were there for you all the way( through thick and thin). i don't know if it would just be way to awkward to go and meet people you hardly know or worse dont even know. if it was up to me.. i wouldn't and just let it go. hate to say this but its not like your losing anything if they weren't there in the first place. but it is all up to you!
2007-10-10 12:01:07 · answer #9 · answered by scooter 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I probably would go I think it would give me some kind of closure to the past.
2007-10-10 09:54:19 · answer #10 · answered by blickyjunk 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋