my son is 3 and his behavior is scaring me...I can only imagine whats in store for me in his teens.?

Question

Im a mother of 3 boys 5,3,1...My 3 yr old is the one who worries me with his antisocial behavior. He is 80% angry about I dont know what? The other 20% he is sweet as a cuddle bear or sleeping. I've tried everything from time out, talking to him, bribing him, to spaking him. Nothing seems to work. When we go out either shopping, visit family, or out to eat, he will at one point start to cry his butt off. Sometimes I will ignore him (like if Im shopping far from my home) or sometimes I will go straight home where he can cry without everyone looking at me like Im the worst mother in the world. When he starts crying nothing will stop him, Not candy, not hugs, not screaming, not singing, not spanking,nothing! And he can go for like 2hrs straight. He is also antisocial with other kids... He will not play outside...not even when he got his first new bike, or dog. And he wants to be indoors at home only. I love my son and I try to protect him from strangers comments. Help!

one thing i didnt mention is that my son started having seizures when he was 3 mos old. The doctors couldnt find any reason or cause for them. They lasted up to when he turned 13 mos then they disapeared and he was able to be taken off phenobarbital. I dont know if this could be the cause of his behavior. Oh and by the way to all the rude comments... Im a wonderfull mother! I do spend alone time with my son... we go to dinner alone, the park , movie...ect
sometimes hes good sometimes he's in his cranky mood... but Im making him an app with his doc asap to help my son because I feel like I've tried everything in my power to help him myself.

Answer 1

It could very likely be something chemical. Take him to a pediatrician and have them do some testing. DO NOT let them give you the ritalin answer...which is overdone and not appropriate for a 3 year old. If you get that, find one who is willing to investigate the problem. If he is inconsolable even when getting something he wants, he isn't feeling good most of the time. Good luck, I hope it gets better.

Answer 2

I have three boys also and the son you are having the most trouble with is the middle child - hence the coined phrase "middle child syndrome". The middle child will often behave badly just to get some of your attention. The first child gets lots of attention because everything they do is the first time it has happened in the family and it's exciting for the parents to watch them grow and learn. The baby of the family gets all the attention too because they are the baby of the family and need more help and care than older children do. Your son needs some quality one on one time with you most likely so during the day tell him you will spend time with him and him alone doing things that he likes. Tell him you will do this every day with him because he is special also. Praise him when he's being sweet and tell him what a great boy he is. When he's naughty tell him his behaviour is what is upsetting you and not him that is upsetting you. Discuss other ways he can demonstrate his frustrations. If he feels angry he needs to be able to tell you in a constructive way. For example if you are feeding the baby and he wants you to read a book you will need to quietly explain to him that after you have fed the baby you can read him his book. Let him know you need to finish what you are doing first but that once you have finished you are able to spend the time with him. He may be quite jealous of his siblings taking up so much of your day too and being 3 he is still learning about his feelings and how to express himself. If his behaviour doesn't improve talk to a community health nurse about your concerns or see your doctor as it is also possible he could have autism and another undiagnosed condition that they are able to recognize and offer you help for

Answer 3

Try using a method and sticking to it... children need consistancy and using all these different methods from ignoring him, spanking him etc may be all a little confusing for him.

My advice would also be to never give sweets when a child is misbehaving.

Other than that i think prasing him when he is being good works well, tell him that when hes being a good boy everything is so much better and everyone is happy. Give hima treat, sticker or smiley face when hes a good boy. He just wants some attention so just make sure he gets it from a positive way.

cut down on sugar, sweets etc

Do not take him to the doctors. they always tell u something is wrong.. putting children on tablets for no good reason. All they need is proper disapline half the time,.

oh and please ignore the idiots saying u are a bad mother, there is no1 to teach people HOW to be parents, so its is quite normal to need advice. im sure ur children love u dearly

good luck

Answer 4

Had one just like him!! DIET!!!! We got rid of all that foolishness with a diet. No refined sugar absolutely NO red or yellow food coloring, no soda pop. We used cheese and crackers to stop the tantrums, something in the protein of the cheese- must be REAL cheese not processed cheese food. We gave him yogurt as well- plain yogurt with real fruit mixed in or you can buy some good yogurts now, again watch out for the artificial flavoring and colors.
Find a good pediatrician to work with you or the schools will try to medicate him for ADHD. My pediatrician was marvelous- refused to medicate him and gave us real good guidelines on how to modify the diet. You basically have to start from scratch with neutral foods like rice and add new foods one at a time and watch for reactions.
Look for ears reddened, bags under the eyes, and of course the angry fits. Try the cheese and crackers about a half hour before you go out with him and keep some in your vehicle and purse for when you see it coming.
Let me know how it works out. Good luck and God Bless
Oh- baths are great too - even water play in the sink or a small container on the floor. And my angry one is 27 now still not medicated and making a living- very creative and artistic

Answer 5

OK...1st of all you are not the terrible mom that some of these people are trying to make you think you are.

This could be normal 3 yo behavior to a hilt...there are a lot of kids and he wants attention. Boys are a little more extreme than girls and they are harder to calm down or redirect.

I also agree that this could be some type of chemical imbalance. I have a friend with 3 sons that are autistic and this sounds a lot like how her kids behave. Autism occurs much more frequently in boys than girls and it occurs in about 1 of every 100 kids, so that is a lot of cases of Autism.

It may not be autism but some other type of disorder such as fragile X or bi-polar disorder. Take your child to a doctor and have them run tests. They will give you a form to fill out with questions about behavior (like does he look you in they eyes, does he answer to his name, ect). I took my son in about 6 months ago for a well baby exam and they had me fill out the survey. The questions I answered no to were red flag questions and they had me take him in for further testing at a facility that deals with pediatric brain disorders. Thankfully he was just a little delayed becase he was stressed from our cross country move...he caught up and today he is fine.

Good luck with everything...give it some time and definately investigate with a doctor. Obviously this is affecting you and probably your other kids...so it is not silly to worry or stress about it.

Answer 6

Wow! I never knew how RUDE people could get when you ask a question about your kids. I am SO sorry that immmature people wrote so many nasty things to you.
I dont think you meant that you were afraid of you child, but afraid of what he might act like when he is a teen, correct? I would take him to the doctor to talk ablout what is going on. Some kids just act that way for a time (I believe that they are not terrible 2's, it goes on during 3.) He might just want the attention even though its negative. Kids are smart, sit him down and talk to him about his behavior in public, tell him that he needs to act a certain way and that you will get him a babysitter if he cant behave.
Is he shy? Maybe he gets nervous around other people!? I am sure that you are a great mom and having 3 kids under the age of 5 is quite a task ( I have 4 kids the oldest and youngest are 6 years apart, so beleive me I know)
I wish you the best of luck and hope the best for you! : )
Hugs

Answer 7

Wow, sounds rough. I really feel for you. The only thing I can think of is stability. Are you waking him up at the same time, doing the same things every day, nap time, feeding time, play time, bed time....etc. Kids like to act out when things are out of the norm. Like a new store, or new furniture even. Have you had a lot of upheaval in your life recently? My advice is get him on a schedule, if he deviates from that schedule by having a crying fit tell him you will reduce car racing time with daddy....or what ever it is that really lights him up. If he behaves he gets the whole time, if not he only gets 5 minutes. Make sure he understands there are rules, and consequences to rule breaking. As far as his out bursts what I did with mine was immediately went back to the car, and just sat there until he was cried out, telling him in the beginning what he would loose if he continued. We also tried the "big boy" routine. "You don't want to let other people see you cry right? You are a big boy now, big boys don't have to wear diapers, and big boys don't cry when they don't get there way". Appearance to kids actually does mean a lot. I know some people are going to say I am scarring my kid by this, but you know what, society has rules too, and even 3 year olds need to follow them. It is not appropriate to cry when you don't get your way at work, and it is not appropriate to cry when you don't get your way when you are 3. You can cry that someone made you mad, or upset, but the difference is you aren't crying because your toy is gone, you are crying because mommy took your toy because you were bad. It is a subtle difference, but it is a big life lesson. Good luck!!!

Answer 8

I would consult a pediatrician an a mental health professional. I had and still have similar problems with my 7 year old son. He is ADHD and very emotional. Sounds upset him a lot. He also is not able to self soothe. I have still not really found the answer to the crying. Don't let others say you are a bad mother. A bad mother wouldn't care, you do. God bless you.

Answer 9

Your son may be agoraphobic. Sounds kind of weird, but small children do suffer from phobias also!
As for him crying while you're shopping...who cares what other ppl think? Children do cry, throw fits, whine, etc. It's all a part of life. And for ppl to judge and stare... let them, cuzz at the end of the day, you don't have to prove nothing to no one, except yourself!
But never bribe a child. That's asking for trouble. They'll know that they can get things by making mommy embarrassed.
Have you tried asking your child about why he feels the certain way he does? (well, if he can speak well!) Try getting him to open up to you, by discussing it more with him.
Well, if he is scared of being outside, don't force him...that may cause emotional damage later, down the road. Be patient, thing will eventually work out for you.
Good luck!

Answer 10

I'd advise having your son evaluated by a reputable mental health specialist in your area.

I would wonder, in particular, if his difficulties are simply behavioral (e.g., willful acting out to get his way)? Or are they due to extreme cognitive inflexibility (e.g., does he have "rules" about the way things are supposed to be and becomes emotionally overwhelmed when things don't go that way)? Or are his behaviors mood related (e.g., only occurring when he is particularly sad or anxious)?

In any case, it sounds to me like you could really use some answers and support. A good mental health professional (e.g., a child psychologist or a counselor specializing in work with young children) could help provide both.

I might recommend that you look at reading the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. He has an approach called "Plan B" that I find particularly helpful in the kind of situations I think you're describing.