I'm totally lost in my life. I don't know where to go or what to do?

Question

I'm a woman in her mid forties who has recently come to a standstill regarding direction in her life. I'm single, as I never met my soul mate and this has disappointed me a little. What usually happens is that those guys who are into my are not the ones that I want. Just recently I've been disillusioned by a guy I felt I could really love..it seems he doesn't feel the same way. Now I'm realising that I may not get the chance to have a child. The good thing is that I am very healthy, I'm not depressed, I have lots of lovely friends and for my age, I'm good looking and have a very good fit body. I'm often taken for early thirties so I have confidence in that aspect. I have hobbies like dance. My problem is, I've travelled a lot with my career and also free time travel. Now, I can't decide where to live and what to do. Has anyone any advice? Is this a mid life crisis? How do I find direction? Should I go back and study?

Answer 1

Go and do something worthwhile and of benefit to other less advantaged people. It will have a remarkable effect on your sense of self worth.

Answer 2

Hi hon...

I understand what you mean about finding a man, i've given up completely. I'm 50 and single, attractive i'm told. Seems like every man who seems attractive to me has some major issues which i don't want to deal with, or wants a mommy. And i don't want to inherit someone elses huge problems, and already raised my kids...

I'm glad you are healthy and not depressed. Having friends is wonderful, too.

I suppose that you could give thought to where you'd live, depending upon the lifestyle you'd like to live. Do you want to start fresh, or stay closer to where your roots and/or friends are? Is city life and all of the attractions - theatre, museums, etc. - what you want? Or would you rather life a quieter life?

You have been fortunate to travel a lot with your career and on your personal time. It seems you have had a well-rounded life.

Perhaps this is a turning point in your life? Not a crisis.

If you are set financially and would like to do things in your spare time to expand your horizons, then go ahead and study, or even take some "fun" classes like ceramics, karate, etc. I supposed the route you took in education (whether to further your formal education, or just take some entertaining classes) would depend upon the goals which you will set.

Perhaps it's a time in your life to reflect, and take a "break" from it all -- take your time deciding. Maybe even start a journal about your feelings, needs and wants. In time, you will find your way! I can see you are a very independent person, and i believe things will work out for the best.

take care of YOU, and i hope you'll get some good answers here.

Answer 3

I guess with such an open playing field there are TOO many choices.

My advice would be to sit down and think what is important to you and mould your life to supporting that. For example if you want a family then you really need to set down roots on a permanent basis (probably near your own friends and family for support) and then settle on a career that gives you a family friendly option. You then need to engage in a social activity that allows you to meet guys / or you could adopt a child etc if you dont want a relationship.

If none of that appeals then why not change to the travel industry and use your experience to start a new career.

Either way you really need to pick a focus point and stick to it else you will have so many plates spinning in the air that you will achieve nothing.

Answer 4

I don't think its a mid life crisis. I think its more of a crossroads in your life, where you have a lot of choices and no real direction pulling you in a certain way. You need to decide on what your end result should be and work towards that. First thing is deciding where you want to live! Then start to become involved in things you enjoy - the aim being to meet others that may include that elusive soul mate. (Remember, there's always internet dating!) Finally, I personally don't think you are too late for children, but thats personal choice. But first of all make that decision on where you want to be in say a year's time and work towards it.

Answer 5

it sounds like you have been really busy and lost sight of who you are and what you want. Give yourself a break and just relax and take each day at a time and see what develops. Unless you have to make decisions now about where you live/work i would just spend time doing things i love and see what happens. things in life have a way of working out if we just stop long enough to let them.
You sound like a really together person and i am sure you will meet your soul mate. why not start a new evening class - for pleasure not work or to learn something; something that will give you some fun. - salsa dancing, car mechanics even.
I wish you luck in what ever you do.

Answer 6

O m'gosh, you in such a favored position! Wow!
Not knowing what to do is a temporary situation. There are so many choices (stop worrying about Mr. Wonderful, he'll be there at the right time...), no wonder you need a minute to pause.
It's time to reassess, to recollect yourself, your interests, your priorities. How about consulting a life coach for a couple sessions? A little guidance offering viable options may be just the stimulation you need, after all, the answers are all inside, waiting to come forth.
You can do it, and you can do it right! You go, girl!

Answer 7

This was something a friend of mine (who is a very successful therapist) told me about when I was in my late 30's. It only took me 18-years to take her advice. It sounds very simple but it's actually hard to do.
Make two lists.
One is a list of things you like and want in your life and the other is things you do not want or like in your life.
Now refine those lists. (It took me almost 2-months to refine mine.)
As you refine those lists your answers will become clear to you.
As far as meeting someone - just do the things you like to do, go where you like to go and stick to your list. Then if you meet someone you will know you have things in common so there's a good starting point.
And don't be afraid to tell a man "I'm looking for a long-term, committed relationship."
It took me 50-years to learn to say that. Imagine my amazement when I heard men say "so am I".
If they said that wasn't for them we walked away from each other.
Since then I've met the man of my dreams, have made a wonderful life together and have had many of the men who said they didn't want that come up to me and say how they regretted their decision (always an ego booster).
Do the list.

Answer 8

"The good thing is that I am very healthy, I'm not depressed, I have lots of lovely friends and for my age, I'm good looking and have a very good fit body. I'm often taken for early thirties so I have confidence in that aspect."

The above are your words not mine. So many positives here.

So forget about the temporary setback.

You're in a great position, obviously intelligent AND about to have the adventure of your life.

Get on with it & Email me when you're aspirations are on a roll!!

Any chance of a date????

Vern

Answer 9

Hi. I'm also quite lost with my life. But i think I don't have a life I wanna live yet. I'm still pursuing a career that will make me live comfortable.

I don't know about midlife crisis coz i'm not even 30 yet but nearing it but I'm quite sure it exists. Even right now at my age, i'm quite in a crisis too. I feel like what i'll achieve is only my career but nothing is happening to my love life.

Answer 10

Dear,Sweety.....
Please,come travel to Bali-Indonesia.Here you could relax by seeing much of culture that you never saw before.There is so many beautiful thing around here with the friendly people.Just come for 1 or 2 months.I may guarantee that you will be change.I am Tris 34 yrs this is my e-mail [e-mail] or you could call [phone].

Answer 11

Well, if you've done a lot of traveling for work, you've seen a lot of places...Take the time to decide the area that makes you happy and go there...Do the same for your career and for the type of man you want to meet...