Do any women out there now that your kids are grown regret working and missing out on?

Question

the most important and vital years of your young childrens lives (0-3) ??? or are you okay with the fact that they were in a daycare center at an early age while you worked to provide for them ? reason for the question is : i am considering having a second child but i always said i would not have a baby unless i could stay home with them (at least till 2 or 3), i just dont think i could give birth and then go back to work handing them over to someone else for the majority of the week ??? i mean 2 or 3 little years out of my whole life to make such a difference in mine and the babys life. anyways just looking to get some opinons.

I AM NOT JUDGEING ANYONE ! i am interested to see if people "regret it" ... being that i am considering it.. thank you :)

Answer 1

The older I get, the more I regret not being at home. Looking back, we could have made ends meet with me being at home. Lots of families do. Although I was fortunate enough to have my mom and dad look after my child, it still doesn't take away the fact that I question from time-to-time what would have been different for everyone if I stayed home. It's such a personal choice, and there are many wonderful and loving day care providers. If I had to do it all over again, I would stay at home. Back then (20 years ago), all of my siblings and friends went back to work and so it was just a given that I work, too. Also, working moms were in the news where today, stay-at-home moms are more common. Whatever you decide, I wish you and your family the best.

Answer 2

I feel the same a you on the "kids" part; I've never had any desire to have kids. My mom keeps telling me how I'm "missing out" on this great thing, but I tell her - if I don't know what I'm missing, then it's not hurting me; I'm happy with the way things are. However, I like being married. It is true - I could live my life totally unattached, without forming close relationships; then I would not experience a disappointment of losing someone I really loved. And you know what? It might work for some people. But most of us can't help but form emotional attachments to other people; this is how we're wired. And once you form this attachment and you want to be with this person - game over. You certainly don't have to get "married". I got married mostly for practical and social reasons - IMO, being legally married makes life easier for a couple. I'm not at all afraid of the paperwork associated with a divorce; I had been divorced, and the paperwork is nothing. What I dread in the whole ordeal is how draining it is emotionally... and the presence or the absence of the marriage certificate isn't gonna make the experience any more or less taxing. The only way to avoid this risk altogether is to never have a serious relationship - but I dare you to try that. I bet you this is unavoidable. And it's ok - this is all a part of the experience we call "life".

Answer 3

I had my family in two groups pretty far apart. The first set, I stayed home with until they were in grade school and the second set I went back to my career while they were babies. Both turned out very good but the later set is more independent. I know that I certainly felt better about myself when I went back to work in a career that I love but I was also lucky to have excellent day care by a caring family member until they were at an age for pre-school (3)

Answer 4

I have had it both ways.
I worked and went to school when my oldest (now 20) was a baby and toddler.
I worked full time when my second was born (now 12).
I went minimal part-time when my third was born (now 6).
I stayed minimal part time when my fourth was born (now 4), but changed my schedule so he never had to be in day care and now work from home so that he is always with me with the exception of preschool.

Note: I did not decide to change my schedule because I thought daycare was bad - I got tired of spending close to $1000 a month to cover two kids in full time day care and one in before/after school care!

Do I regret anything - not a bit. I have the same relationship with my oldest that I do with my youngest. I didn't miss milestones or feel my children were being "raised" by a daycare. I feel that each of them was loved and care for to the absolute best of my abilities and they are all normal happy healthy children. Daycare is not a demon that only bad parents allow their children to be exposed to - a good daycare can be beneficial to a child.

Answer 5

I found that once I started working, I was able to appreciate the time I do have with my children a little better. When I had them 24/7, I was begging people to take them for a couple hours, I was so happy when nap time and bed time came around. Now I cherish that 3 hrs from when I pick them up at night and bedtime and the weekends are just that much better. I don't feel like I have missed anything.

I also feel that my children will be better off in the long run. They are becoming more independent and learning alot more about life than they could possibly learn staying home. My oldest just started pre school and had no problems at all. She is a little social butterfly and has so many friends. 2 years ago she wouldn't talk to anyone who wasn't me.

Answer 6

I went back to work when my son was 6 months old. He is 9 now and does not go to day care anymore. While I was doing it, I hated it, but now looking back, I don't really regret it. I am due next month with my second child, and will only be able to stay at home for 12 weeks before taking him to a sitter. I'm sad about it, but I know he will be fine. If you make the decision to have a child and work, as long as you pick the right care, your child will be fine as well.

Answer 7

When I had my son, I went back to work when he was about 1.5. I felt alot of anxiety about it and guilt. I was usually very tired when I got home and sometimes it seemed like I barely got any quality time with my son, esp. when I had many other things I still had to take care of around the house. He is 19 now and I recently asked him about how he felt about me working as he grew up (I still feel bad about it and now I have a 3 yr old daughter and wondered if I should go back to work as it can be difficult living on one paycheck). I talked with my son about it for a while about how I had wanted to be able to give him more by working and asked him if he would rather have had the extra (whatever) from the money or had me stay at home. He thought about it for a while and told me that although he understood (I HAD to work when he was growing up as my 1st husband was completely unreliable) and didn't think anything bad about me working, he would much rather have had me home. He told me that what was most important to him was spending time with me, even if that had meant not having much money (toys, etc.). Honestly, I rather knew this was the answer - it just hurts even when I know there's nothing else I could have done. My 2nd husband and I struggle sometimes with having enough money (or rather, any left over at all after the absolute necessities are covered) and I have wondered if it would be better to go back to work. After talking to my son though, I have decided that I will stay home unless there is no other way except returning to work. I had always said I wouldn't have another child unless I could stay home with him/her and after talking to my son I am willing to try to keep with it for my daughter. It can be really hard not having any extra money to even buy a Pepsi or rent a movie sometimes. It's not always like that, but sometimes it is. If you have any doubts about going back to work I suggest you try staying at home. It hurts to think you weren't there when your kids needed you, even if you couldn't be because of financial problems. I'm sure it would be alot worse if you knew you could have been there but for some other reason decided to go back to work instead. I always felt really bad about my son's childhood because I felt like other people raised him more than I did. (I didn't have the benefit of family sitters and actually had several VERY bad experiences with a few sitter's - this is why I insisted on staying home with any future children.. when they are too small, they can't tell you what goes on at the sitter's.) I don't know what's best for you and your family.. I can only say that you really need to give it alot of thought. Just make sure that whatever you decide is something you'll be able to look back on and feel good about.

Answer 8

i'm a single mother...i have three daughter i raised (am still raising on my own), their ages are 21, almost 17 and 9.
with my older two, life was hard and i had to work two jobs to support them. they were in day care from infancy. we made the best of it. it was hard when they would cling to me because they missed me so much. after a while, we just got into our routine and i made it a point to have mommy and daughter days. i didn't miss out on all that much. i weaned them off their bottles, potty trained them both as soon as they turned two, enrolled them both in baseball, dance, girl scouts...etc. of course when you are a mother in your 20's you have the energy!!! even though life was hetic, they had a safe haven at home. by the time my little one came along, finances were better and i have spent much more time with her. the only thing i regret is that when my oldest was around 14, i was still working crazy hours and she thought she could sneak out and have parties, etc.... i always caught her. i feel that if i was home more, none of this wouldn't have happend. my nearly 17 year old can't do what the older one did because i am home much more now!!! for about four years, the older one and i went through pure hell!!! i didn't give in to her though. she is a grown woman now and a wonderful human being.
my point being that when they are little, day care is not so bad. they are in a healthy enviornment and are learning and growning and learning to interact with others. when they hit the teen years....that's when you need to be home !! good luck!!!

Answer 9

I think it's probably the same as the amount of moms who probably regret not working, not using their degrees, and who have a hard time finding a job after their kids have grown older.

Usually, no matter what we do, we'll always be second guessing ourselves and wondering if things would have been 'better' if we had done it another way. But people just have to live and do what they have to do. Sometimes, people just plain don't have a choice. We shouldn't make ourselves feel guilty for our choices.

Good luck to you :)

Answer 10

Good for you!
It is great that you realize that children need and deserve a full time parent.

It looks like you are making the right choices! Yes- CHOICES.
Every women makes the choice to work or stay home. Thank you for putting the well being of your child first in your choices.