I'm adopted and when I was about 6-7 my parents fostered this older boy who before, was quite a good friend of mine. My parents could not handle him and sent him away to another home when I was 9. I developed quite a strong bond with him especcially as I was an only child before. When he left, my dad asked me if I was okay with it and apparently I was not and burst into tears, ever since, the slightest reminder, his name, anything triggers me to become really quite depressed and angry, more than 10 years after. He contacted me online, but I'm not sure whether it's getting anywhere, I thought I would be happy to get back in touch, but it's made me even more depressed than before. I just feel sad ALL the time, and I can't stop crying. I just don't know why I feel so traumitized by it all. I think it really affected me when I was growing up after that.
2007-10-10 00:42:33 · 12 answers · asked by ♪ Rachel ♫ 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
To dreamgirl, maybe you should experience the death or the loss of the loved one before you make any comments on how crazy I am, I just want to know if other people have experienced this or if I an cope with this on my own, or whether I need help. Thanks
2007-10-10 00:50:37 · update #1
I was thinking about it, he has a child and i looked at the picture of her and cried for at least1 hour, and for some reason she reminded me of me...I think I sort of lost inocence, I had to grow up and deal with a lot of guilt, I lost a lot of love for my parents afterwards, i felt like that was the last time i could be seperated from someone. was the limite. thanks for the feedback it helps me think it through
2007-10-10 00:59:46 · update #2
Hi hon... perhaps it's not grief, but feeling as if you've been abandoned. Abandonment issues can make us feel angry and bewildered and very sad and frightened.
Perhaps a therapist could help you to come to terms and to deal with these issues? I can say from my own experience, that therapy works when we work it... remember, this is something major which has festered for years, so in therapy, it's going to take a bit of time to learn to cope and to come to the root of your issues.
I'm sorry to hear about your pain. You don't have to suffer endlessly, and i hope you will consider talking with someone.
hugs hugs!
2007-10-10 02:33:32 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've known a lot of foster children and adopted children, and I've paid attention to some of the issues that get discussed in one place or another.
I do think you should see a counselor who may be able to help you understand the normal grief process and maybe identify other issues that could have made this situation more exaggerated for you.
Feeling sad and traumatized over what happened is really understandable. Still bursting into tears and crying all the time is a sign that you need some professional help. I don't think this is just about what the young man went through. I think its about you, your parents, unfinished business, maybe lack of understanding everything that went into their decision, and any number of other things.
You're young. Young people often have a tendency to have depression anyway, and this thing hasn't helped you. Chances are the fact that you're adopted could be an additional factor. There's even the chance you have deeper sadnesses that you don't even recognize, and you're attaching them to the situation with the young man.
In any case, based on what you say, you do need some help. I'm not in any way saying you're mentally ill or flawed in some way. I'm just saying that what you described is a situation that is clearly more than you can handle by yourself. There's just more going on for you emotionally than that one, traumatic, situation.
People who have been through grief, and people who have been traumatized watching someone else go through something awful, will tell you that it will always stay with you; but such things get old enough so that, in general, a person isn't crying all the time and bursting into tears the way they do when its fresh.
2007-10-10 08:22:35 · answer #2 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm no expert but it sounds like the problem may not be what you thought it was, i.e him not being around. It sounds like you haven't dealt with the real issue. It can be difficult for children to really understand what is upsetting them and can grow up believing its something its not, its very common. It may be the fact you felt he was abandoned or you were and you find that impossible to deal with, and so seeing him again doesn't change the fact it just reminds you of the time. I don't know. Try and speak to someone even a friend who is a good listener and just keep talking about it, and try to think back to how you really felt at the time and what was going on. Good luck
2007-10-10 07:54:06 · answer #3 · answered by Techeth 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Apparently his leaving the home was very difficult for you. You say you were adopted, could his leaving have brought about bad memories of your leaving your family of origin? Perhaps present thoughts of him are triggering the feelings you experienced when these separations happened.These can be very painful feelings. Discuss your situation with a therapist before you proceed with any further actions. I am concerned about what could happen if you recontact him again and go through another tramatic separation. You might explore with a therapist the possibility of maintaining an on-line friendship. I hope you are able to find peace. Best wishes to you.
2007-10-10 07:59:35 · answer #4 · answered by ValleyViolet 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh Sweetheart! You've really been through some rough times in your life. It sounds like you need to speak to a professional to get to the bottom of this. I think there is more to it, but I don't know why, just intuition. Why couldn't your parents handle him? Did he do something that grabbed their attention? What has he been doing? Was he bounced around between foster families? That is a big issue, he could have deep psychological issues that demand more professional attention. Have you spoken with you parents about it? They might have some insight that could shed light on the entire situation.
Wish I could be of more help! But I do wish you well that you get over this deep sadness, you deserve to be happy.
2007-10-10 07:54:45 · answer #5 · answered by jersey girl in exile 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The way you're feeling is really normal, and I you shouldn't have to question your feelings. You went through something really tragic, that not a lot of 6-7 year olds have to go through. Along with this I think that him contacting you online is just making you more stressed about it because you're thinking about how you got seperated from him and it may just be making it worse. If you feel like seeing him would make you feel better, I would try to arrange something and see if you too could catch up see each other again, that is if he wants to as well. I'm really sorry that happened to you and I hope everything works out.
2007-10-10 07:50:23 · answer #6 · answered by LivGirlxo 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Now that he has contacted u on line, You should feel less pain and depression. You have your friend back, why are u still so sad. Is he having a bad life that is making you sorry or sad, or is it because you are adopted that you feel abandoned by your real parents. Just try to thing things over and find a solution to the problem. Some things in life we cant change and there is nothing we can do about it. Please find it within yourself to keep a strong mind and with time things will heal. Concentrate on your educaton and follow your dream. God bless you always.Take care you are still very young, there is a load of evil in this wicked world. Be cautious.
2007-10-10 07:50:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
No expert on this, but my gut tells me tht maybe alot of what you feel is relkated to the fact that your adoptive parents sent your friend away in the first place. That could have triggered alot of fear in you that they would send you away too. You had already been given up for adoption and fear of further abandonment would be only natural. Try talking with a counseler who could help you to get to your real fears and feelings. Good luck, praying for u
2007-10-10 09:13:14 · answer #8 · answered by Susan B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seek professional medical advice. Yahoo Answers is not the place for a situation such as yours. Counseling or medication would be best for you.
I suffer from an Anxiety disorder, which is different, but both have severe consequences if they go unattended. Counseling, along with some medication, i was able to overcome my anxiety disorder, and just recently discontinued taking medication to control it. If i had not gotten professional advice, i more than likely would have killed myself.
Please seek help. What you have can be deadly if you dont do so; I know.
2007-10-10 07:50:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a serious problem. You need to get into to see a therapist and possibly start taking some medication for your depression.
2007-10-10 07:47:24 · answer #10 · answered by RayCATNG 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋