Need real help please with my baby?

Question

My daughter is 18 months old now. When she was 8 months old..due to some unavoidable circumstances I left her with her granny and shez back now to be with me when she was 11months old. But she wantz to be with me only during the daytime and during nite time she wantz to go back to her granny and shez not coming to me. She cries if I try to keep her with me. I donno how to make her tobe with me. It has become a real problem for me. I donno how to get her back?Can some one plz help

Answer 1

According to child development theories, babies are developing a sense of trust and object permanence during their first year of life. Because of your circumstances, your daughter has had a setback in this bonding and learning process that it may take awhile to overcome.
You may want to seek the help of a professional early childhood therapist, which I am definitely not. I was taught in college that games like peek-a-boo and hide and seek help teach the concept of object permanence--that's something easy and might be worth a try. Anything you can do to reinforce the idea that if something disappears temporarily, that doesn't mean that it's never coming back. Stability and routines are extra important--do all you can to set and maintain a schedule where things are the same every day and your daughter can begin to predict what is going to happen next.

Eighteen months is also about the right age for what is called "separation anxiety". Your daughter is bonded with her granny and is not only dealing with reconnecting with you, but separating from her. You and her granny will have to try and work together to ease this transition. Is it possible for you to spend a few nights with her at granny's house, or allow granny to come with her to your house? Did her granny do anything different at bedtime--rituals such as bedtime stories, prayers, music, etc. that you can try to imitate? Is there a familiar piece of furniture, a night light, a stuffed animal, a special pillow or blanket that you can bring with her to make her feel more at home?

There is a really cute song called "My Mommy Comes Back". It is on a recording called Baby Songs by Hap Palmer. Google it online--I think you can order the CD, a DVD, or an MP3 download. The lyrics are like a baby is singing it while his mom is away and he/she is with a sitter, grandma, etc.

The older she gets, the more she will be able to express her feelings verbally instead of crying--keep talking to her and reassuring her because even now she probably understands more than you think.

I know it's hard, but be patient as you are re-establishing your parental relationship with her--it's not going to be a "quick fix" thing. Like I said, if you don't start to see any improvement over the next few weeks or months, a counselor that specializes in early childhood issues might be of more help.

I wish you the best!

Answer 2

I had to do that project when I was 6 months pregnant (I am 16) The teacher made me do it so I could see what it was going to be like. I didn't think much of it either, I thought that they would exaggerate but NO! The fake baby is alot like the real baby! The fake baby cries every hour that is the big difference in them. The real baby really doesn't cry that much. To be honest it can be harder than the fake baby bc with the fake baby all you have is about 4 keys and you just put a key on its back and it will stop crying but with a real baby you have no keys! You have to keep trying a lot of different things since it can't tell you what it needs. A real baby wakes up every two hours at night. A NEWBORN baby is way different from a 9 month old baby btw.

Answer 3

I'm sorry you've had some really rough times. Are you presently living with Granny, or do you guys have a place of your own?

I wonder if your daughter might not trust you since you left her with her granny several months ago. She might still remember that you weren't there for her during those few months. I think a lot of people underestimate the memory capabilities of little kids her age.

It may take some time to regain her trust. Just love her and protect her. Provide for her the best you can. Let her visit with her granny occasionally before bedtime (if her granny lives close by and she's willing to come visit at that time). Just make sure that Granny leaves before your daughter's ready for bed. She may cry when Granny leaves, but you can console her. After a while she'll understand that Granny is not her real care-giver...you are.

If you guys live with Granny, perhaps she can just leave you guys alone before bedtime so you can care for your daughter on your own for a short while. I hope this doesn't sound cruel, but Granny really needs to let you guys bond by yourselves. Even if that means she leaves you guys alone during the day, and she finds something else to do - especially around bedtime.

Your daughter needs to know who her real care-giver is. If you want her to believe it is you and Granny is constantly there during all periods of her upbringing, your daughter may be confused.

Answer 4

Your daughter is in the developmental stge of trust. You have to be very consistent in responding to her needs right away and giving her lots of love and play with her. Put her on a schedule and stick to it. Children thrive on structure and will feel more secure if you have them eat and sleep at the same times every day. When its nap or bedtime put her down after some quiet time like rocking or reding a story. Don't wait till she is cranky to put her to bed. When she starts rubbing her eyes shes tired. Be very patient with her, she is struggling in her new situation too. It's hard at 18 months because babies start to become frustrated at their inability to communicate. Keep loving her even when she wants her granny. Try these suggestions and see how well it works. It won't happen overnight but it will happen. She will trust you again if you stay consistent in your routine, patience and love.

Answer 5

dont push it too far, baby will know it. My daughter also like that once. At day time I left her with granny coz I have to work. Once I got so upset but then I realize that the more I want to be with her the more she push away from me. But dont worry, it wont last long, first my daughter also crying a lot at night, calling granny's name over and over again, ussualy I try to distract her attention as much as possible by giving story time, play with teddy, watch tv, anything to keep her mind off her granny. And it works ! As my daughter getting bigger and she know mommy loves her very much, she will be yours forever.

Answer 6

Sounds to me like she got attached and feels safest with her granny. I would suggest if you could somehow stay with the granny and be there at nights with the baby until the cutie feels safe with you and the granny. You may have to do tests sometimes to see if she is still uncomfortable without the granny, but the slow transition should occur when she will feel just as safe with you.

Answer 7

Just don't give into her. Explain in the best way you can to an 18 month old that home is now with mommy and that you want her to be with you. Make bed time a fun time stories and snuggles make it enjoyable for her so she'll want to stay with mommy. Maybe come up with a good bedtime routine for her like a bubble bath, some toons with mommy and then a story and snuggle from mommy. You need to make it appealing to be with you and you do not need to give into her remember you are the parent you run the household not your toddler.

Answer 8

my daughter is really attached to my mom as well, she constantly cries for her as well, so we allow her to stay at my moms almost every weekend. I dont know if this works for you, but maybe work it out so she is with her granny overnite on a regular schedule, maybe every second friday or something, just so she knows that her granny isnt gone and she has sometime with her to look forward to. My daughter is almost 3 now and this morning she said, 2 more sleeps and I go to Nannys. I hope this helps.

Answer 9

You are going to have to keep her with you, she will soon get used to having you around, and will not want to go back there. Maybe you need to show her more affection in the evening, and cuddle with her, read her stories, make that your special time. She will only cry a few nights then she will know that she is staying with you.

Answer 10

Lori couldn't have said it better! She took the words right out of my mouth. Fun time before bed and you control her, don't let her control you! Eventually, she will look forward to going to bed without granny. Good luck!