Time out time frames - 2 minutes is ineffective??

Question

I have 2-1/2 year old son whose temper tantrums drive me nuts! Usually this is a result of not getting what he wants - bikkies, my stuff etc.

I try to be consistent - if I say no and he starts to whine, i will either relent immediately (like within say 15 seconds) or else continue to say no until he stops or ends up in T/O.

When saying no until the bitter end, i will not relent. If i get to putting him in T/O i warn him that he will go and count to 3 to let him know it's coming and give him an opportunity to stop.

He NEVER stops before getting to 3 and so i think that he doesn't understand. Also if i put him in T/O for 2-3 minutes he is still SCREAMING after that time frame so i leave him there for longer until he is quieter. But, if i say are you going to be a good boy now? he nods yes but upon coming out of T/O will then start up again for the same reason that he went in.

He isn't talking yet. His hearing's been checked ok.& he's not autistic.

Please help!

Hi Lippie, i said that i either give in IMMEDIATELY or else say no until he stops or T/O. I let him rant while i remain calm and ignore him.

Surely there is nothing wrong with saying no and then straight away changing your mind to an ok. I agree with not giving in after anything longer than say 30 seconds has passed.

Do you mean to say that EVERY single time your kids asked for something and you said no, that you NEVER said somehting like 'oh, that's right it's lunch time, yes you can have something to eat'. (And I really do mean within about 15 seconds of the intitial request being made).

My point is - if i give in immediately he gets to feel a sense of some control in his life. But if i really mean No then after say 30 seconds to a minute HE SHOULD REALISE that i'm not going to give in because i NEVER give in any other time once a short space of about 15 seconds has passed.

What are your thoughts on that? I just feel that you may have misunderstood what i meant.

Answer 1

You are doing everything right, but time out doesn't seem to work for you son, so try something else. Does he have a favorite toy or does he like to watch a favorite TV show? Try taking those away from him, maybe that will work. If not just keep looking for something that will, discipline needs to be tailored to the child, some things work better for some kids than others.

Answer 2

Ahh I feel for you, the terrible twos, kids are so darn cute when they are 2 but sometimes hard to take.

The hugs is a good idea, another one might be to just get him interested in something else, like baking something with you or doing a project with you.

Two year olds like to get attention whether it be bad or good, try to give him good attention. When he's bad tell him no, make him stop and when he's throwing a tantrum, ignore it. He'll stop. Time outs are hard to do with 2 year olds especially when they are not talking well yet.

Answer 3

Totally understand! I felt the same way until just last week when I discovered something. Please try this, you might just be surprised... Okay, so you sense that your son is about to crack, right?! What emotion is he feeling (frustrated, sad, mad, etc)? Say "Johnny, are you (emotion)?" He'll probably say yes. Then say "Johnny, do you need a hug?" He'll probably say yes and give you a big hug. His mood will be changed, and you can then talk with him a bit about what happened. This absolutely shocked me when it worked, and while it gets kind of annoying to say "Are you frustrated" 20 times a day, it's better than those awful snit fits. Plus, you get the hug you need too! And what's better than a hug from your child, especially when you need it... Get him involved, get him to start saying he's frustrated too, and you might notice a change of attitude. Goodluck!

Answer 4

He is controlling you, you are not controlling him. You have to tell him NO, and mean it. He knows you don't mean it, he's not a stupid child, he knows how to manipulate you, and you give in. You need to let him cry and go about your business, put ear plugs in if that will help. He will soon learn that all the crying is not going to get him anything. You are suppose to be teaching him what he can and can not get away with. If you give in to him, he assumes he can get away with it, as long as he crys long enough.