I met a wonderful man & things progressed quickly. It was obvious from the start there was a connection between us. We talked every day, he came to see me at work, I went to his house, & we knew things were developing between us. He was honest with me from the beginning, telling me he's recently divorced and not ready for a relationship. Then one drunken night, he told me he loved me. We talked about it later and he said that he meant it but that he's not ready to settle down and is still seeing other people. We both agreed that the feelings between us are scary as we're both recently out of bad relationships. Then he backed off. Recently he told me it would be easier if I just walked out of his life and when I started to, he told me not to. I finally told him I loved him too. The vibe between us is odd now. I feel like I'm getting the run around. We don't spend time together anymore and we don't talk as much. Is he backing off out of fear or because he really wants me out of his life?
2007-10-09 20:32:47 · 15 answers · asked by hlynae 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I want to add that we have talked about it. We just can't come to any conclusions as to what to do. I am completely willing to wait & see where things go with us but I am not willing to be the person he calls when no one else is around. As soon as feelings were expressed between us, he backed off. My biggest question is really if this is common in men. Do they get scared and run away when they realize they're feeling more than they're ready for? I want to make him realize that I'll be here for him when he's ready, but I'm not going to sit around waiting for his call. I want to back off enough to give him the space he needs but not so much that it gives someone else the opportunity to step in and take my place. I don't want to seem needy or clingy because I'm not, but I want to make him realize that I do want to pursue this when the time is right. I just don't know how to get to the happy medium where he knows I'm here & not clingy, yet still have enough contact to spend time together.
2007-10-10 05:27:46 · update #1
NO. You are not being played (for a fool).
He hasn't tried to take advantage of you (your money, etc.). It just seems he is confused or not ready for full on relationship.
Sometime everything is right except the timing.
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The only thing I can advice is to try to talk with him.
---->>> Talk not demand.
By that I mean to let him know that you love him and it is OK if he needs some time and space. But that he should know that you will NOT always be waiting (it is just a basic human fact).
It is also human nature that when a person feels trapped or cornered (or at least out of options in life), for the person to try and escape first and ask questions later. So by leaving the door open he will feel untrapped or uncovered.
And by not feeling trapped, he can then consider that he can eventually lose you by waiting too long.
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But I have to comment that "one drunken night" does not sound good. Just be careful. ONE drunken night could turn into many drunken nights.
Good Luck.
2007-10-09 21:02:09 · answer #1 · answered by Lover not a Fighter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't feel that you are being played for a fool. I feel that you have a man that is afraid of what he is feeling. May feel that it is way too soon to feel the way he does & because he is not ready for a commitment is backing off but at the same time, is torn because he does not want to back off & really does not know what to make of his emotions. It's a difficult position for you to be in yourself as you want to get closer but at the same time, you don't want to be hurt again either. Don't push for anything, express to him how you feel. It seems that you two may need to take some time and work/sort through these emotions . If he is not ready for a relationship at this time, then it may be best for youto back off and give him the space he needs. Even if he says "no" you have to consider your emotions too. Good luck!
2007-10-09 20:48:32 · answer #2 · answered by Unique Soul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The wise thing for you to do is back off. He doesnt know what he wants. After being in a bad relationship you are better off having alone time and getting over that and figuring out what you do want in a relationship. If you dont do that you end up making the same mistakes over and over. He is messed up and right now you should be taking care of yourself and not have to babysit him too.
Take time for just you and your thoughts. Do things with the girlfriends if you want to go out but stay away from him.
2007-10-09 20:39:18 · answer #3 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I vote for the fear!
It really seems like he is scared to get back into a serious relationship and ya know it's easier to run than to face the possiblity of another failed relationship!
You could possible suggest that you both kind of start over.
And even make it sound like you are a bit scared it was going to fast, which I am sure you are and some.
Enjoy each others company and try very hard not to get in real romantic situations for a bit so the "I love you's" don't come tumbling out.
Good luck
2007-10-09 20:41:46 · answer #4 · answered by kitty 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why dont you both try backing off for a little bit...If you both just got out of bad relationships, you both need time to work things out...Later if you two were meant to be, it will happen...
2007-10-09 21:10:14 · answer #5 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not sure that being 'fooled' is the best word but dear he's a mess. he doesnt even know what he wants! one minute he wants u out of his life, the next minute he said dont. what is that? u really need to talk to him about this dear. we cant really tell u what he wants. u need to speak to him. and next time when he said he wants u out, make sure u do it and be firm. if he wants u to stay, then he got to be serious bout it.
good luck =)
2007-10-09 20:49:17 · answer #6 · answered by Heaven Hill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, find out which day of the week he can fit you in. There is nothing more embarassing than arriving on the wrong night. On your particular night, be ready to do things that you think the others have not done to him.
2007-10-09 20:48:10 · answer #7 · answered by Dan K 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, only he can tell you what hes feeling and why he is doing what he's doing.
You should talk to him about it! See what he has to say. Just tell him the same thing you wrote here.
Give him a chance to explain his actions, and hope you arent right
Talk to him, dont let anyone tell you what HE is doing, we dont know him:-)
2007-10-09 20:38:22 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
key work, QUICKLY. those kinds of relationships die quicker.
sounds like he is still trying to hold on to that once good relationship gone bad. and you are on the side lines. dont settle and take time to heal yourself. good luck
2007-10-09 20:37:31 · answer #9 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he just returned to the playing field and he isn't ready to retire yet
2007-10-09 20:37:53 · answer #10 · answered by La Dee Da 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋