what do you do when the people living with you don't help?

Question

a pastor and his pregnant wife and 2 year old live with us- it was suppose to be two weeks, but it has been 2 months and still counting. They have not offered to buy any food, but they eat ours. They use the laundry soap, and leave lights on in the day. I could have afforded two weeks, but only have 100 dollars left in my account. I have to hunt down lost items. I don't get any thank yous, I am sorry, or appreciation. Today I almost cried. I was painting their house and my food was brought over for the spouse in my containers, for lunch and supper, and I was not even offered water.

this is the youth pastor of our church. They have a 2 year old too. Their house that they purchased was gutted, and a couple people have worked on it a lot. Although they told us it would take a couple weeks, they were not realistic on the time frame for living here with us.
They have not given one penny for any food, water, electric, laundry supplies...and I run around all day shutting things off behind them.

we will be talking to them about how their ministry will suffer because they are self focused.

Answer 1

I'm so surprised a pastor would even act in such a way to not appreciate such an offering. I would bring this to their attention.......not so much the thank you's but the fact that you can barely spare anything and would like a little assistance with some bills at least. If they are in your house that long then that would definitely be some contribution to the bills or food in some way. It don't hurt to sit them down and let them know. He should understand. Good luck!!!

Answer 2

What is the "authority" structure of your church? Is there a Board, or president, or whatever, which "run" the church? What is the reason for the delays in the preparation of the pastor's house? Can you contact the board/president regarding this matter, telling them that you are no longer able to provide housing, and that other arrangements must be found. Does the church provided a living "stipend" to the pastor to cover his living expenses? If so, then you have every right to request from the church a compensation for providing for their expenses during their stay with you. Frankly, I might even consult with a lawyer on this one. Your best bet is to get the church council involved. Don't worry about offending people, this has nothing to do with the pastor as a person, but the pastor (and his family) as a "resident" of your household.

Frankly, I might even throw in a threat of any town ordinance which you might be restricted by. You may have a legitimate case to say to the church and the pastor, "There is a town ordinance which prohibits the pastor and his family (since they are "unrelated" to you) from living in your house over 2 weeks. I am in violation of this ordinance already, since it's been over 2 MONTHS, and I fear legal action may be pending against me!"

I hope these ideas will help you get rid of these flagrant freeloaders, and SOON!


Have a polite day.

Answer 3

Are you sure this guy is actually a pastor? Sounds like these people have got a good little scam running here, pose as a pastor and wife in need of help (who would turn down a man of god and his pregnant wife?) and sponge off good people until they get kicked out. If this is the case, get them out ASAP no matter what lines they try to give you, and then report them to authorities so they can't do this to anyone else.

If they actually are who they say they are, they are selfish, rude, ungrateful and thoughtless. You have let them stay on 6 weeks longer than was first agreed on. They are plainly taking advantage. You must talk to them immediately, you don't have to be rude, just tell them the truth, that you are stretched for resources and can not continue to support them a day longer. If you don't do something soon, they will just continue to take and take until you have nothing then they will move on. Do not accept ANY excuses or allow them to stay ANY longer. Perhaps talk to them at night and say you want them gone by the morning. They cant argue then, they've got a bed for the night, then the whole day ahead of them to find accommodation. Be strong, stand your ground and don't feel bad. You have done more than enough. All the best with this situation :)

Answer 4

i cannot believe that a PASTOR of all people, would be such an ignorant B*****D, you know the saying charity begin's at home, start putting it into practice, im sorry about using, the word above, put i hate people, who treat other's like doormats, don't stand for this a moment longer, but your foot firmly up the pastor's backside, & yes you will still get to the pearly gates, maybe he won't, what's that saying, don't do to other's what you would'nt want done to you. take care your a good person who is being used star on way.

Answer 5

Thats a tough situation.

But you do have to talk to them, and don't be hard on yourself for doing it.

Sit them down one evening, and take a deep breath and pause........

Then tell them they need to find a new place to live. then pause again... let them do the talking next...

You don't have to explain yourself, or why.

(it will help if you do a little research, give them a few options and let them make their own decision,
try a homeless shelter, or have them ask the others in their church, -you don't need to go that far)

Also, have a time limit, (by the weekend)

also call a lock smith, and be prepared to lock them out (that sounds harsh, but if you really want them out......)

if they aren't 'moved' out, get trash bags and fill them with their stuff and leave it outside the door for them.

I know it sounds harsh, but they have not kept their word to stay only 2 weeks either.

Answer 6

Immediate eviction, these are the leeches in our society and prey on the kindness of others and use it as a weakness. The father has the gall to pose as a pastor, why dosn't he belong to a church and have them support him and his family, expose him for what he is.Ask him if his papers saying he's a Pastor was gotten off the internet.Or what shool did he go to and for how long and to prove it,better yet, call the school and ask if and when and how long he attended it.

Answer 7

I don't care who it is, but if I'm being taken advantage of I speak up. I can't play the victim, it's not me. If you don't tell them to leave asap, they won't on their own.

Just tell them that you have given them a good amount of time to find a place and they need to be out by the end of the month. Period. You don't have to explain why, and honestly what kind of "pastor" would ever do that to another person??

Something smells sour here . . . don't sit on this. Do something.

Answer 8

Just tell them in a firm but kind way that your home is not a rescue mission, and that it is time for them to find their own place to reside in. Pastors are no different than anyone else, Give them a time frame, and be firm about it. If they seem to resist, go to a lawyer and if necessary use the legal avenues to regain the privacy of your home.

Answer 9

It's time for them to go and if he's a pastor he should be able to afford somewhere else for them to go. That's why I only have my son who is eight and my cousin has just moved in with us who is 25 but she is great and she can take care of her self just fine.

Answer 10

There is only one thing to do in this type of situation....confront. Say what is on your mind. You dn't have to be nasty about it. Just tell them that you are happy to help them in any way you can, but you cannot afford to support 2 extra people. A pastor should surely understand and I am surprised they are even taking advantage of you.