Boyfriend coming to my parents house for dinner for first time. What are the rules with what to bring?

Question

Hi. My boyfriend and I have dated for over 5 years, but not until recently have things got "serious," meaning with the potential for marriage. My parents finally invited my boyfriend over one night for dinner. My mother cooked, went all out. It was just him, and my parents and my sister and I. Small dinner for my parents to get to know him. It was the first time he was coming over. What did he do? He comes over with a bottle of $10 wine in one hand and some old, dead flowers in the other hand. I was so embarrased and upset. I had expectations of him bringing a large bouquet of flowers or something, and he did not. I wanted his first impression to be a good one, and when he left my parents first comment to me was, " is he cheap or stingy?" He is not, but that is the impression they got and I am so mad at him now that he is not talking to me. Someone please help me and tell me what i am supposed to do!!

So I talked to him about how the flowers he brought were so cheap and ugly and how it upset me bec i kind of judged what he brought as a measure of how much he loves me, but that was a mistake on my part and I shouldn't have. Anyhow, he asked for us to be on a break now. He has not called me in 3 days. Is this not rediculous? i sent him an aplogy email, but he did not reply. I am getting the feeling he doens't want this relationship. What should i do? Im so sad.

Answer 1

Find out his reasoning... If it was that important - you should have talked about what he was going to bring and "instructed" him. I've learned this with my hubby. He has a totally different style. I have finally decided that I am going to let him be his own person. One day he'll bring my dad a leaf-blower and the next he'll bring an empty plate asking for cookies. I understand the first impression is so important, but the 5 years built you up to some grand deal that didn't happen. You should have introduced him sooner and it might have been a little less awkward for him. Can you imagine the pressure?

Answer 2

I would think on the first time coming to "Meet The Parents", he should bring a bottle of wine and some sort of dish. I'm not completely sold on the flowers idea. I see flowers more as a 'courting a woman' deal. If he did bring flowers, they shouldn't have been dead. It's the thought that counts though, right?

Regards,

Brandon

Answer 3

Hello there:

In order to answer the question it would be helpful to understand for us your's and your boyfriend age, so we can parameter better but this is my idea.

Despites first impression is always important, must people has always the opportunity to "re-invent themselves" I guess you had a valid point to be angry with him, and you might think your parents were talking serious when they said your boyfriend was cheap..

I would say, you should take your parents comment with respect and maybe just consider that as a family joke about their first impression, when you take life with good humor life becomes easier.

do you love your boyfriend? do you valorate the time you have been together? don't let things go bad just because the dinner. Have you consider that this might be the first time he bought a bottle of wine? not everybody has the proper trainning.... yeee we agree the selection was not the proper one but it was just wine.

I'll start making jokes with my parents about that night and just telling them how wonderful he is...

IF HE IS NOT WONDERFUL then this can be your opportunity to kick him out of your life...

SO one way or the other you win, you can take this humoristic opportunity to make him closer to your family or get rid of him...

Just don't be upset for something like this.

Thanks.

Answer 4

Guys are kinda clueless about stuff like that.
To fix the impression he made I'd invite him for another dinner and this time drop him some hints.
Something like : "my mom is making this great *insert dish name here*, it goes so well with *insert great wine, chocolate here* it would be great if you could fetch it"
Or: "my mom adores these flowers.
Basically anything to put him on the right track to buying these items.

Answer 5

Lots of real good guys don't understand the subtle nuances (or even the major points) of social graces. He at least brought something. Without making a big deal of it, in the future, tell him what to bring - he just dosn't know.

Answer 6

Chalk it up to a good try on his part. Maybe if he sends a bouquet to your folks, with a nice "thank you" note, it will help to smooth it over.

Answer 7

Five years before he went to your parents home? I would say you have a LOT of issues to deal with.