What am i supposed to do about my Dad's girlfriend. Im so upset?

Question

My Dad has a new Girlfriend. He found her on some internet dating site. She is from Thailand and we live in Australia, we are White/Caucasian. She is 23 and my Dad is 45. He only visited her twice in Thailand before he flew her over here to live permanently, she had never visited my Dad here. My Dad's Girlfriend has been living with us for less than a month and her being here has already made me very upset. Ever since she got here Dad has pretty much forgotten that me and my younger sister Caroline exist. He ignores us when we try to talk to him, he doesn't take us fishing, hiking etc on the weekend like he usually does. When he gets home from work he only say hello to his Girlfriend and he ignores us. And whenever i try to talk to him he either tells me he's busy and goes and talks to her or halfway when we are talking she butts in wanting something. I used to have a very good relationship with my Dad and now we might as well not have one at all.

I dont know weather she truely loves my dad or she is only with him so that they can get married and the she can piss off with half the money. My Dad is quite wealthy. She doesn't seem very sincere and she expects a lot and he has bought her a lot of material things since she has been here, probably adding up to more than $4000. He also payed for her visa application, flights, motel, taxi and all that kind of stuff for her to come to Australia. I think she might be one of those internet scam ladies who all just want money, and im afraid she is going to rip him off if they get married. Dad never asked how me and my younger sister felt about having another person in our life and he doesn't seem to care. I have tried talking to him about it and he said that i was just a spoiled selfish brat that doesn't want anyone else to be happy. The only other time i have gotten him in a position where he would talk to me was when i was crying so bad that i could not talk. What am i supposed to do?

I know i might sounds like im just a selfish little b**** and im just jelous coz shes getting more stuff and attention than i am but there really is more to it than that. It's my life to and i DO want my Dad to be happy, i just dont want myself to be unhappy in the process. And i am nice to her.

OH yeah might i add that she barely speaks English either. So i find it hard to get along with her yet alone talk to her.

Answer 1

You are not being selfish, but your father is. I am so sorry you are in this situation. You sound like a mature, caring person and I believe you may be right about her intentions. If talking to him about your feelings haven't helped, maybe you can talk to a counselor at school or an adult you trust who can make him understand how you and your sister feel. If this doesn't work, I'm afraid he'll have to learn the hard way. Once she is gone or he discovers that he is being used, he'll need your love and attention again. It's so sad to me that parents can't or won't put their kids before their own love life, but it happens all the time. He will be the one who feels guilt about this eventually. In the meantime, keep trying to talk to him. Good luck, honey!

Answer 2

Let me ask this; why do you want to join knowing full well how the two most important women in your life feel? Think about that for a while, because if you love and respect them, then you should also respect what they have to say too. I don't understand why anyone, in light of what we know about this whole war and the Bush administration, would want to sign up at this time. Why don't you wait until after they pull out? At least then your mom and girlfriend won't feel so freaked out. It of course is your final decision, but I hope you really take into consideration those that love you and not spring something this upsetting on them at the last minute, that is underhanded and a Marine is not about that behavior. From what I understand, being someone responsible, trustworthy, etc., is what a Marine is about.

Answer 3

I don't think you sound selfish, just concerned for your family. You are probably right about her, she's just a kid her self and i'll be her life over there was certainly not the same as what your dad has given her. Unfortunatly all you can do is keep talking to your dad and telling him what you and your sister are feeling, maybe the 2 of you can sit down with him. He's lonely and at an age where he probably thinks life is passing him by and she makes him feel young again. ( alot of men go thru this ) This sort of thing seems to be happening alot since the internet, and alot of men are being stung, if you know what i mean. Your father should have talked to both of you before moving her there thats for sure but sometimes we don't think straight or think about our childrens feelings when we are lonely and ache for companionship. Just keep talking to him, remind him that the 2 of you are still there. Good luck hopefully she will meet a new target and move on before to much damage is done.

Answer 4

I'm sorry your dad refuses to listen to you and acknowledge that you are your sister exist, is there someone else you can talk to? your mother if she's still around or grandparents or aunt or could you live with any of them? It doesn't sound like a healthy enviroment for you or your sister, sure you may have a roof over your head and food but you need more than that. Or is there a school counsellor you could speak to? Its just that if you are really unhappy and things done improve im worried that you may get depression or something worse so if there's someone else you could talk to please utilise them. Even if your sister has to go with you and help you, you both need a parent figure in your life someone to listen and help you and if he isn't fufilling his job as a dad then he needs someone to stand up to him and say "you have two daughters you need to look after and help to"
Sure its great he has found someone he thinks is a good person and she may well love him or just be after his money but if that happens then its his fault for letting it happen not yours or your sisters. So please dont worry about that. Your fathe ris a baig man and if he can;t take responsiblility for his finances and his posessions its his problem and you should feel you have to worry about that.

Answer 5

Definately insist on having a heart to heart talk with him. Make sure you stress that what you're feeling upset about is that he isn't spending TIME with you and your sister much anymore and you're feeling neglected. Try using those "I" statements therapists recommend, such as "I feel sad when you don't spend time with me anymore" instead of "You only care about HER."

Also, it's not just the money she's after most likely. It's the citizenship!!! That's why most of those girls from poor countries come to the U.S. (or Australia in your case).

With a 22 year age difference and a HUGE cultural difference (and maybe a language barrier as well?) I don't see what they'd have in common to build a lasting relationship on. Why don't you ask him what they have in common? Ask him why he can't find a girl closer to his age in his own country. Good luck to you Honey, I really hope it works out for you!!! :)

Answer 6

I do feel for you and to be honest I think your Dad has paid for her to lay in his bed and in return she not only expects a good life but she will be sending money back to her own folks too.

Apart from being wealthy hope your Dad is also intelligent enough to safeguard his wealth, I would suggest that he talk with his solicitor if he contemplates marriage so that you and your sister are not left penniless as well as your father should she decide to stay for two years spend most of his wealth and then say tara.

Try to book a private appointment with your Dad to discuss your concerns and give it to him straight. Say you feel a need to book time with him because it seems he is always otherwise occupied.

Good Luck

Answer 7

WRITE HIM A LETTER!! just dont be judgmental about his new girlfriend though, because in doing so, he'd be over protective of her, cause he knows his gf cannot and is not in a position to fight..you probably are showing too much negative vibes to the girl that's why your father is the one acting in defense of her... just tell him that you miss the times you were together, and would entertain the idea of going fishing or camping with his new gf.. if you show that you are open to the idea of his having a new gf, then i guess he'd change too. talk about reverse psychology!! be nice to the girl, even if you're fuming inside, because slowly then, when you gain her confidence, she might just show her true colors...

Answer 8

It appears that your father is going thru a 'midlife crisis' sort of thing. I would imagine that he is afraid this 'young hottie' will not stay around if he's not totally attentive to her.
I'm sorry that he's ignoring you. You probably need to sit down with him and tell him exactly how you're feeling. It's YOUR life as well - not just his - he's suppose to be caring for you. Maybe you could send her out for something and have a heart to heart with your Dad.

Answer 9

You should talk to him about it and tell him how much you miss things the way they were before. The relationship is obviously serious, so maybe you can find ways to include the girlfriend in some of your activities to get to know her better and also set some time aside for you guys to hang out without her.

Answer 10

i think u should show him this letter u poured your heart out to all of us,he should read it minus the last part,u both should take time out and sit down and talk this out maybe hes very lonely,and maybe u feel like your loosing your dad ,but i do know if you and dad dont talk about this its only going to get worse for you and him, good luck honey ! keep us posted .... p.s. sometimes life gets rough but tell dad keep the comunication open your family depends on it !