Should I do this or not?

Question

I was in a happy relationship for a couple of years until my partner started to get really stressed about every little thing. I know and he knows that he has a stress/anxiety problem yet he won't see a doctor about it. It is really impacting on my life now and making me unhappy.

We both want children. We have a lot of finacial problems that will make it very difficult for us to raise children. I just want a happy marige and to have a family of my own. I just don't see it happening despite both our efforts to improve our finacial situation and my partner's reluctance to see a doctor. Also,I don't have any qualifications beyond high school and my experience at work. I can't aford to go to tafe or uni.

I have a family but it is highly disfuncional and I cannot rely on them for any sort of support.

I am thinking that I should get pregnant then find work and a house in another state, go on social services money and study after having the baby, then go back to work.

Answer 1

I don't think you should get pregnant. You may choose to end your relationship and move; that might be in your best interests. In your question you don't mention even once your love for this person or your concern for him. If you don't love him, want what's best for him and remain willing to do whatever's necessary to make that happen you probably aren't the best partner for him, either.

However, it isn't right to bring a child into the world in this manner. Sometimes we have the legal right to do things that are ethically and morally wrong; that does not mean we should do them. It would be wrong to get pregnant fully intending to make your partner anything less than a full parent. Your child also won't thank you for deliberately damaging his or her relationship with his/her father. This plan is entirely selfish, and doesn't take anyone else's needs into account. If you suggest that any child of yours should not have this man as a father, the answer isn't to use him as a sperm donor. The answer is to either choose not to have children or to find the right person.

If you do happen to love this man, consider what you would do to protect him and care for him. If you won't stand your ground and do what it takes to get him to a doctor, you won't be a great advocate when you're both older and in need of medical services. You can explain to him that you need a full partner in parenting, and that means he needs to see a doctor right now. Refuse to have children until he gets medical help...and BOTH of you improve your finances.

Part of improving your marriage means taking steps to improve yourself. There are programs to help you fund obtaining further education, but you need to take the time to find them. Check out employment agencies, bureaus for vocational rehabilitation, and other places. Apply for financial aid. You won't get instant success with every inquiry, but if it's worth it you ought to have the tenacity to see it through. Having children is even harder, and if you can't work a bureaucracy you can't deal with a toddler or a teenager. :)

Don't use my taxes, the taxes of a disabled woman who has made the hard choices to do things ethically and at cost to herself, to carry out a plan of deceit.

Answer 2

Why don't you just see how serious he is by him going to counseling before the pregnancy occurs. Let him know it is not a threat but a strong support and you need to know that he loves you and one way for him to do this is help his family. Don't say it rude or mean but in a sincere manner for this will show concern and may lead him away from guilt and towards a better light. But for your question I would have t say that I would not start a family before things in the relationship look up. Oh yeah, your financial situation will never be good enough to prepare for a child so go ahead after the relationship is better and the finances will be good after the baby is here. have a good day.

Answer 3

No, don't do that. That will only add more stress to your life. If your partner won't see a therapist, maybe your local clergy will talk with him. But you should go see a therapist because the solutions you are considering are not very good ones. And, why do you have financial problems when you are both capable of working, and don't have children? Are either of you using alcohol or drugs? or gambling? Get a job where they will pay for you to go to school. Many hospitals, for example, will pay for employees (including nonprofessional staff) to go to school.

Answer 4

My dear if you are not economically safe why desire child ?
Don't you think you are doing injustice with it?
Suppose if you will seperate what will happen?
If you are not happy why thinking of pregnancy? The psychological health is also more important.
Pl try to do any course that will enable you earn something and can fulfil your minimum requirements, then only think of a child; it will be safer and pleasant for you too.
Thank you.
Best Luck.

Answer 5

I went by some thing comparable with my chum, i grew to become into her MOH and spent very lots of time/funds on the bridal bathe besides whilst she instructed me she wanted some thing diverse. Please use my suggestion and don't enable her administration this. this is a social gathering FOR her and not some thing she could have any component of organizing. She could be grateful which you're even offering one for her. i could tell her "sorry yet i don't think of you're able to have a hand in making plans this social gathering. I additionally placed very lots of time/funds into doing it a definite way, and can't have the money for to spend to any extent further on thoroughly changing the form. in case you % it at a rustic club, i'm going to could returned out of the making plans technique".

Answer 6

Your "plan" makes no sense. Here is a better plan: get a job, get an education, get a better job, get married, save money, have babies. Good luck!

Answer 7

I have only one thing to say to you: DO NOT HAVE A BABY!!!