When my dad died, my brother let's call him Hank, did not want to help pay for any of my father's funeral. He refused. We as a family all helped pitch in the cost of the funeral as dad left us nothing. On the day of the viewing, my whole family was there for 9 hours except Hank--he went out with his girlfriend. Mind you, before my dad died he gave Hank $$$, important documents various things including things of my mother's and our family. My dad broke the living trust savings which meant each family member was supposed to get something, and gave some to Hank, and no one else. Hank was entrusted with a lot of documents that my dad should have given to my mother, not Hank the youngest child. After 2 years of dad being dead, Hank refuses to relinquish documents up to my mom.
Is this behavior strange in all his doings here? Is there something you think is very wrong and he is hiding something? Your thoughts.
2007-10-05 18:15:41 · 10 answers · asked by DREENA 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
My parents are married of course up until the death. The family trust composed of my mom and dad's savings was meant for everyone til each parents passed. Dad BROKE the trust and gave all of it to Hank.
2007-10-05 18:43:02 · update #1
No matter what any papers say, your mother should contact an attorney and force Hank to turn over any papers. My thoughts are that there is money somewhere and Hank wants it all.
2007-10-06 01:22:57 · answer #1 · answered by Classy Granny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like Dad had some issues before he died, and sounds like Hank came out the winner, he now has [had] all the money. If he turns over the documents, you will all know what was there, and what Hank has spent. He does not want you to be able to prove there was money there, and that the documents exist that you had some right to it. He may have had instructions from Dad to hold all the documents.
Only thing you can do is get a copy of the will, and a lawyer, and go after Hank. You might get some documents, and some keepsakes, doubt you will get any money, unless it was tied up so tight that even Hank couldn't get it.
2007-10-06 01:59:55 · answer #2 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, my. Hank is a scoundrel. He has to live with his scoundrel self every day. If he has a shred of conscience, he is suffering. He should. and leave him out of your lives. Forgive him, forget him and move on. Shun him. He has done a cruel and egregious thing. You have to let it go. Probably on a daily basis, but let it go. Let your feelings of betrayal by Dad go too. It is self corrosive to ponder his actions too much. He did it, he was in cahoots with Hank, they had a devilish deal, but let it go.
Shirleykins is right. It isn't about the money. Love your mom, love each other, get family therapy. But until he can confess, repent and be penitent, just ignore him. Leave him out of all family activities until he gets right. He is acting like an addict or a gambler. He needs to feel the consequences of his actions, and that is not an unloving thing to do, To help him by rescuing him in any way, or giving him any excuse for being so rotten is to harm him, so leave him to the professionals and to God.
Peace to you and your family, Stay strong, be happy in the love of each other.
Culture Nurse
2007-10-05 18:56:41 · answer #3 · answered by culture nurse 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a classic to me. The rest of the story usually goes like this:
You couldn't pry anything out of him no matter what, because he's already spent it. Within another five years he'll be in financial trouble (again). Another eight and you'll all miss him. Ultimately, you all reconnect, sort of, but that usually takes 18-20 years.
For you, it is literally not healthy to stay mad that long. If you think Hank actually killed your Dad, still realize that that money is simply not available any more, and consider the cost to your health of pursuing this. Consider who else is in danger, if anyone, and protect Your self. Your life, your happiness. Take care of your mom. It's not about money. It really, really isn't. Whoever loves the most, wins.
2007-10-05 18:39:14 · answer #4 · answered by shirleykins 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The only logical link here, is him behaving this way out of spite, if your dad instructed him to do so; which is hard to beleive if your parents stayed married till his death, if you think about it or, if he had/has an addiction to drugs or alcohol. Otherwise that's pretty selfish and a strange way to show gratitude.
2007-10-05 18:53:22 · answer #5 · answered by Big B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is Hank distant since it's been two years? Has he been making large purchases and you don't know how he's been able to afford it? Does he act funny when asked?
In my opinion I definitely think he is hiding something. I also think that Hank and your father has shared some sort of secret...I dunno I think it has to do with money.
2007-10-05 18:28:11 · answer #6 · answered by jane d 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
it must be an illustration of a few thing extra happening along with your brother, i might consult from a lawyer to work out what's fairly happening, the papers could desire to have long gone to your mom. he has no' awesome to maintain them.
2016-10-10 09:45:48 · answer #7 · answered by megna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe "Hank" is hiding some thing your dad asked him to hide.
2007-10-05 18:20:42 · answer #8 · answered by Shh_its me 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your dad fu(ked you and your siblings. No will means he could manipulate your mom too.
2007-10-05 18:23:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow that is very strange
2007-10-05 18:20:48 · answer #10 · answered by ihurtmyhand 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋