My mom gambles away most of her paycheck. She pays a few of the bills but that's it. She doesn't buy any food, gifts, or household products. She hasn't payed a cent towards my college tuition. She's a a smoker, and always borrows money for cigerettes. My dad is the main (and pretty much sole) provider in the family.
She lies about what happens to her money, and becomes VERY defensive when my dad or I confront her about it. She borrows money from people, and never pays it back. She's even borrowed 15K from her sister, swearing that she'd pay her back - but of course that had never happened. She's giving all of us a bad reputation. She even borrows money from /me/. I'm only sixteen years old, and she's been borrowing large sums of money from me since I was about twelve. I'm so upset. Our money is tight right now, too. My dad's really stressed out. I'm at a total loss as to what to do! Help!!
I just don't know how to talk to her without her becoming defensive. I really need advise!!
2007-10-05 17:10:53 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She's also a heavy drinker.. and, as already stated, she smokes.
2007-10-05 17:12:38 · update #1
I don't think I would be able to send her to rehab.. I think that's make our family issues worse... and it costs money that we don't have.
2007-10-05 17:16:12 · update #2
She needs to get help badly or your problems will get so bad you'll never get out from under them.
You and your dad have to tell her to get help or if nothing else you'll get rid of her.
Good Luck
It's usually not untill they have destoyed the entire family and lost everything including the house and the family that they start crying and wanting help.
She has serious problems and they need harsh reactions on your and your fathers part.
2007-10-05 21:40:23 · answer #1 · answered by NoGood 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry for you and your Father. First I would like to suggest that Aunt (your Mother's sister who lent her 15K) get together with her for a chat. Let her suggest to your Mom that she needs help (counseling) and then talk to a minister (or a spiritual advisor) of some kind. I believe the biggest problem is your Mom's drinking! This impairs rational thinking. And when she's irrational she gambles. Try to discuss Alcoholics Anonymous with her and the minister + your Aunt. Hope this helps. I will pray for you and your Father.
2007-10-05 17:22:15 · answer #2 · answered by CJ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i feel for your family, i know what you must be going throughbut, i also know what your mother is going through, i didnt have a drinking problem but, its it a wonder i didnt i know there is a lot of you out there who thinks you can control a gambling problem and at some point you can but only after youve hit rock bottom, there are people out there who get in so deep they think theres no way out, i think guilt got me more then anything, dont scream at your mother it might take your dad taking you kids for a while and just leaving , then she might come to her senses, i hope it does that sounds mean but it might be the only thing that will wake her up so she can see what she is doing to her family and herself.even though it seem i was enjoying myself,it was eating me up inside so just try to help her the best you can.good luck
2007-10-05 17:51:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wrote a very nice letter. It looks like your mother needs an intervention with the help of a neutral party. Why don't you send your letter to Dr. Phil.
I feel for you and your family. Money problems and being around a person who is so compulsive can really be stressful. I hope things work out well for you.
2007-10-05 17:20:18 · answer #4 · answered by darkdiva 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mom has a gambling addiction. Your dad needs to contact the state gaming authorities and they will help him get the help he needs. However, drunks and gamblers cannot stop themselves, and you cannot stop them. The best your dad can do is put down some rules with consequences, like her paycheck goes into his bank account and she doesn't get her hands on it. She needs alcoholics anonymous and probably gamblers anonymous but until she hits rock bottom and decides she needs help, she won't go.
You need to stop making excuses for her, and stop giving her money. Everyone in the family should be going to Alanon, which is a group for the families of drunks and gamblers. This will help you learn how not to enable your mom.
You can't help her, she has to help herself, but you can help yourself and be supportive to your dad. He may need to divorce her to save the rest of the family. Blessings to you and your family.
2007-10-05 17:44:25 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother needs professional help, but it won't work unless she realizes she needs it.
You and your father have to keep money away from her. Someone else should do the shopping. Since your father is the one with a job, he needs to open a bank account that she does not have access to. Don't lend her any more money, and tell your relatives to do the same.
2007-10-05 17:30:54 · answer #6 · answered by Amy W 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They have clinics now for gambling addictions.
2007-10-05 17:13:44 · answer #7 · answered by culture_killer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you all need to do an intervention with your mom.
2007-10-05 18:16:31 · answer #8 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs professional help. Call an interventionist and get her help IMMEDIATELY.
2007-10-05 17:14:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I GREW UP IN A SEVERELY screwed up abusive family. I needed to realize this, and it changed my life when i did, (I WILL NEVER CHANGE THE WAT MY PARENTS ACT, BUT I CAN ALWAYS CHANGE THE WAY I DEAL WITH THEM. If you can fully understand this, you will be fine
2007-10-05 17:19:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋