My mother in law has moved in and I"m turning into a troll.?

Question

She is driving me crazy, she's 71 and gets into my business. Everyday she asks me the wife if I'm going to work, tells me to comb my hair, comes into the bathroom and talks to me , looking at her watch and telling me what time it is. I tell her to get out of the bathroom and mind her own business. Im no spring chicken. I want her to move out and get her own place so we'll all be happy. She can live close by but not inside my house but my husband does'nt want to hurt her feelings. She's been here 5 weeks.

Answer 1

Go to your husband and say, "Either she goes or I go to a hotel until she is gone, OR we have to stop her nagging me."

He has to sit his mother down and the three of you have to come up with some ground rules. Like: "I am an adult, I can read a watch and I know what I need to do when I need to do it, I don't need you reminding me." Actually you should be kinder than that and just tell her things like.
1. I am an adult and I want to be treated like one.
2. When I am in the bathroom I don't want an audience.
3. “What has happened to you is not my fault and I am the one suffering for it, because you are an inconvenience and you are driving me crazy.”

The first thing she is going to do is feel like you are ganging up on her, and if you don't have your husband in on this discussion then she will complain to him and bend him to her will. So you need to say, "No we are not ganging up on you, and yes you are welcome here, but this is my home too, owned by me and my husband and you have to respect that; you are a guest here.”

Then you need to find her something to do. One reason why she is bugging you is because she doesn't have any responsibilities or job, or a husband. So in boredom she nags you.

It is possible to make this 3 person arraignment work, but it is very hard and the best course would be to get rid of her, but that probably won't happen any time soon and your husband won't want to kick her out of the house. Would any good son in his position want to do that? But, then you need to make her feel if you came into her house and told her what to do or nagged her. She wouldn't take it and would demand to be treated as an adult; you deserve the same rights. Make her understand how you feel, not by nagging her, but by asking her how she would like it if you did nag her in her home, or told her how to raise her son...

None of this is going to be easy. Does she have any income, can she work as a greeter at Wal Mart or at a fast food restaurant. You don't want to force her to live on her own, but if she is contributing to the house and has a useful job to do then she will feel more wanted and less like her only job is to nag you. It can also give her some time to work so you two can be alone. That is going to be real important. You will also have to find some things that you can do as a trio, things you and she can do and things that she and her son can do. If you have her help you with something as simple as the grocery shopping then she will be doing an important job and contributing; not being such a drain. If at some point she can move out then great, but if she can't; and with today's prices that is more likely then she is going to be with you for a long time.

I don't know what she is able to do, but there is something that she can do, some hobby, some activity; even it if it is answering questions on Yahoo Answers. She needs to do something for herself and something that matters. The more of this she is doing the less time and less energy she has to use to nag you, and the more valued she will feel.

You need to get her on your side so find something that the two of you can do, like grocery shopping or going out to lunch together; something that you can enjoy, look forward to and do together. She has to be bored and day time TV can only absorb so much of her attention.

You need to talk with her on this, not at her. No lectures, no long lists of rules and regulations, get her to admit that she needs to treat you as an adult first. Even if she doesn't think you are an adult, she is a guest in your house and you work so you have paid for it that makes it your house too. She has to honor that and make her realize that it is something that she would expect if the roles were reversed.

If that doesn't work then give her a taste of her own medicine and then ask her how she feels when you nag her. The critical idea here is summed up in the old saying, "Before you make a judgment, walk a mile in their shoes." This is how I over come prejudice and things like that. This is how I can give some advice like this even though I have never had to live in the situation myself. Once you get her to admit that you have rights and need to be treated as an adult you have half the problem solved. Once you find her something to do that is important then you have 3/4 of the problem solved. The remaining 1/4 is what the three of you have to work on.

Answer 2

It's too late for her to change, scratch that. I think that a lot of mothers-in-law do a lot of things they think as perfectly OK and appropriate, or they have the right to when it's nothing at all like that. The only thing you can do is to get your husband to absolutely understands that you feel very uncomfortable and that cannot last long. His mother comes after your family and he needs to convey that to her in a way that will be clear to the old lady. He probably doesn't want to get into an unpleasant conversation with her or confrontation, but he has to make a choice and your family comes first, at least it should...good luck to you, I am also fighting a similar battle

Answer 3

Well what you can do is have a talk just the two of you and tell her if she is going to be living in your house then these are the rules she will have to follow,(in a nice way) and tell her all the things she does that you do not like and then tell her you are on your own schedule and you know when you have to do what and than her for her help but you have down what your daily activities are, she thinks she is being helpful but she is only being spiteful and domineering, good luck!!!!

Answer 4

You should be nice. What harm can she do by asking you to brush your hair and asks you what time it is what harm is there? You tell her to mind her own business. Don't be cruel you have it in your hands to chose nice or cruel and you are choosing cruel? Here is a story to remember when your eye try to turn evil'

There was once a very old man, whose eyes had become dim, his ears dull of hearing, his knees trembled, and when he sat at table he could hardly hold the spoon, and spilt the broth upon the table-cloth or let it run out of his mouth. His son and his son's wife were disgusted at this, so the old grandfather at last had to sit in the corner behind the stove, and they gave him his food in an earthenware bowl, and not even enough of it. And he used to look towards the table with his eyes full of tears. Once, too, his trembling hands could not hold the bowl, and it fell to the ground and broke. The young wife scolded him, but he said nothing and only sighed. Then they bought him a wooden bowl for a few half-pence, out of which he had to eat.
They were once sitting thus when the little grandson of four years old began to gather together some bits of wood upon the ground. "What are you doing there?" asked the father. "I am making a little trough," answered the child, "for father and mother to eat out of when I am big."

The man and his wife looked at each other for a while, and presently began to cry. Then they took the old grandfather to the table, and henceforth always let him eat with them, and likewise said nothing if he did spill a little of anything.

Answer 5

Wow, I'm sorry. Maybe you could find some senior activities in the area. At least that would get her out of the house for a few hours and hopefully she can meet some new people. The local hospital or even your city office should be able to direct you to the right people. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Tell her how you honestly feel. Say, we love you but if you are going to stay here, then we have some rules that need to be followed. Then tell her those rules. Further if you want you can charge her rent, she is after all in YOUR house. She might also be sticking to you like glue cause she feels lonely. Perhaps have her join a Church group or Red Hat group or get her out to meet some people.

Answer 7

You don't state your age. I have to guess--20's ??? You have your husbands mother liveing with you,he has his mother,she has her baby. Unless it is financial ,which is unlikely,or a health issue,,I would send her packing. She'll ruin you and your husbands relationship. At 71 she should have her own place ,maybe a male friend to go out for dinner with,sit and visit or heck " just shack" with. Thats common now.
Anyway she has no right to intrude into your life.
Who's idea was it for her to move in ?? It should be yours and your husbands idea to send her (nicely) on her way.

Answer 8

Have some compassion, this woman is either bored out of her mind or in the early stages of dementia. Have a talk with your husband and get her moved into someplace where people care about her. You obviously don't.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry!!! That isn't good for ya'lls relationship. Talk to him and tell him exactly how u feel and try helping her find a place that she will enjoy and want to move into. Good Luck! It will all work out for the best!

Answer 10

Do you know what it's LIKE to teach all day? It's hard to keep your patience all day. Trolling at night is a way to let off steam and enjoy an escapist fantasy.