I'm in a 3 year relationship with a man that has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I'm

Question

feeling like I at my end. I won't even try to go into all the details that have happened over the last 3 yrs. My question is how do I get out of this? I ALWAYS end up giving in and taking him back. We have a beautiful18 month baby girl together and that is part of the reason I'm still here. I do love him but, know that this is not healthy for me, him and most important our baby. I know that I am co-dependent and I just don't know how to make myself do what I need to for my own mental health and to stick with it. I don't want my daughter to grow up in this type of atmosphere. His words to me were that she is young and she would grow up just knowing that this is how he is?!?! HELP!!

Answer 1

There is only one thing you can do. LEAVE. Pack your undies and the baby and go home, if you can. I couldn't put up with that crap from anyone, either.

Answer 2

I have BPD as well and I know that I am very difficult to be around. I would get help though if it involved two other people in my life. There is this great book out there called, "Go away, come back". Is that what it's like with him?
If he doesn't want to even try to change I don't blame you for wanting to get out of the relationship. There are Anonymous groups for Co-dependents. It helped my mom get out of her toxic relationship. I hope you live in a city that offers them. You can look it up in the phonebook. The acronym is CO-DA but it should be under codependent anonymous.
Take it a step at a time, dont overwhelm yourself. You are already making a step by asking for help. Don't give up!

Answer 3

abandonment subjects are the appropriate area of borderline - in case you have not have been on condition that problem, it probable isn't borderline, is my understand-how (even however the dsm has a itemizing of issues, it sounds like abandonment is the biggest difficulty). additionally, yet another considerable difficulty is black and white thinking - the two somebody is on a pedestal, or they are the worst piece of crap conceivable. i think of splitting is what it fairly is talked approximately as. this is obtainable you have a character affliction. different possibilites are drugs area consequences, highway drug or alcohol use, PTSD from sexual abuse or intense emotional abuse, which contain intense bullying, as an occasion, bipolar affliction, melancholy, etc. given your present day issues, you should be seeing a therapist, and probable a psychiatrist - i'd say a therapist first, considering the fact that psychiatrists in basic terms prescribe pills those days, and commonly they don't seem to be that effective for the varieties of issues you have. If it seems to be bipolar, the meds do help that greater, yet antidepressants have grew to become out to be glorified placebos different than in intense melancholy, which they don't even help that very lots for many folk, seems.

Answer 4

I am in a similar situation with two children and nine years gone. I am finally seeing this for what it is--mental abuse. I have had countless people, therapists, police officers and family members holding up the red flag. I am codependant so I too thought and believed for the longest time that I was the problem or if I just changed. My sicko husband has called the police on me over and over for stupid reasons so he can try and make me look bad and take the heat off himself. The crazy thing is that he has two faces--the one he shows me and the one I am finally being shown by other people brave enough to speak up. I am in the process of getting a separation. I am scared because I have given up so much of my life for this person and don't know where to begin. But I am taking the first step to freedom. I have done everything I can think of to salvage--couples counseling, individual counseling--my conscience is clear and it actually feels relieving to know I may be out of this nightmare soon. You can choose. Choose you because you need to be healthy and strong for you and your baby. She needs to see you happy so that she sees a healthy relationship. Children are sponges and need clean water to grow.

Best

Answer 5

I know some what you are going through I have TSD and depression and I have a hard time saying no to people well I met a girl who appeared to be very nice and we started dating well she instead that I let her come to an appoint meant she went with me and Reviled to my doctor that she was a BPD well the next appoint meant my doctor told me that I should leave her and showed me the DST and after reading the symptoms of a BPD and I could not believe that she was a BPD she hide her strips well after a while her behavior changed she showed her true self if she didn't get her way she would pull the suicide card and it hard because if I didn't let her have her way she would do something and it would be my fault and if I told some one it would be my fault for her being certified well finally I had enough I took my doctors advice If I would of done what my doctor advised me to do in the first place I would have saved my self a lot of pain
BPD's target people like me because we are easily manipulated and can easily black mailed emotionally
what you need to do is set limits and stick to them I know its hard to leave him because you have a child and it brakes my heart that he has that emotional card to play one but you half to do whats in the best interest of you and your child I would leave him because if he hasn't changed by now he probably wont now.

Answer 6

You poor thing. That sounds difficult and complicated. If you believe in prayer, now would be a good time to starting asking God for some insights and clarity, and also for the strength to stick to your decision once you've figured out the answer.

Answer 7

I have suffered from BPD for my entire life and I know how difficult it can be to control. I have however learned to live with it and keep it under control. I find that when I am getting upset the best thing for me is to leave the room or the house and go "cool" down. When I'm completely calmed down I return to the situation and try to work it out again, when I return I remind myself to remain calm but that if I start to get stressed or upset again that I leave yet again. I am also in a three year relationship and have just recently been able to find this to help. My partner is very understanding and let's me go calm down and return when I am ready. She didn't understand at first when I'd leave and she would come and try to talk to me again which would get me even more aggrevated. He can control it, it's not just "how he is" it is part of him and you can control any part of you. If he is not willing to change I suggest leaving him and telling him that you will not return until he learns he has to deal with his problem or get help for it. My father has BPD, which BPD is a genetic disorder. He was very verbally and physically abusive towards myself and my family, it helped me because I promised myself that I would never be like him. Your husband can also go to therapy and there are medications out there for BPD. My father was put on medications for his and he was a much better person and didn't blow up the way he used to, but he decided that he didn't need it anymore and took himself off and became the same man. This kind of behavior in front of a child and around a child or directed towards a child can be mentally damaging, I know from experience and by growing up in that kind of household. I have many mental health issues due to the household I grew up in. Your childs mental health is most important in this situation and yours, if your husband is not at all willing to get help then he doesn't care enough for you or your child to seek out the proper help he needs. I love my partner enough to get the help I need and stick with it because I do not want her or any child we may have go through any of what my mom or I went through. I hope this helps you out. I know it's hard to leave a relationship like that but you don't have to divorse him just seperate from him until he get's the help he needs. Another thing is he can seek out a support group that deals with people who have BPD, this is a group of people who have what your husband has and can help him discuss how he is feeling. They will also know exactly what your husband is feeling and going through with this condition because they have been there at one point in time or another. To look for support groups in your area you can either contact a psychiatrist or look online for support groups near you. I really hope this helps you, your husband and your child. Good luck.

Answer 8

You understand what is going on so the issue is how do you deal with his manipulative behavior. I suggest you see a therapist by yourself to get specific ideas on dealing with this. I think it is very wise to look at getting out. This does not get better and the tendency is for this person to put the problem on you.

Answer 9

Sure and dysfunction is the family gift that keeps on giving.......

Seek support groups on the net.

One good information web site is www.bpd411.org and their yahoogroup email lists. You can join by sending an introduction to [e-mail]......

Answer 10

Axis II, my advice RUN. NOW RUN AWAY.