I want to hear you opinions on this.?

Question

Would some one who is adopted be a better adoptive parent then some one who wasn't adopted?

i am just wondering this as i want to eventually adopt a child of my own, and i know how hard it was on me when i was growing up being adopted and knowing that my adoptive mother has no idea what is going through my head or how i feel, i thought this would be a good question, i really would like to hear all of your different opinions on this subject.

thank you in advance

i dont mean better like that im saying it more like this
i am adopted and its extreamly hard growing up wondering why your "real" parents just left and gave you away to someone else my mothers not adopted she never really understood how i felt
what im really trying to say is this
would it be easyer/better living conditions for an adopted to have 1 or both adoptive parents who them selfs were adopted

P.S. im not from the USA i live in dominican republic and will be moving back to canada.
i would rather adopt from birth

Answer 1

I think you have wonderful insight and would be able to relate to an adopted child differently and perhaps better than a parent who was not adopted.

Answer 2

I don't know. I wasn't adopted, and I want to be a foster parent. I was in foster homes growing up... and I know how it feels to go thru that and I think I would do an awesome job.

You should adopt if you have it in your heart to do so. I think you can better identify with them from their point of veiw and on their feelings and wondering about their birth parents and it would be a wonderful thing for you to do, just in general.

I don't think that you would necessarily be "better" but you would be able to connect the emotions of a child you were to adopt because you already know how they feel. You can give them a sense of worth in the world from your own experience. What make a great parent great is the love they have and the morals they instill in their child, adopted or not. As long as you have that your adopive child would be fine.

Answer 3

I do believe an adoptee as an adoptive parent likely would have a slight edge in understanding the deep wound that lives in our "abandoned" souls. My adoptive dad was an 'adoptee lite' - adopted by his step dad and didn't know his father. He had a better understanding and could sense when I'd been triggered by the types of things non-adopteds wouldn't think twice about.

That said, knowing how it feels - WHY on earth would you want another person to experience what we have - loss of our mothers at birth? It almost seems a tad sadistic. Yes, you may be able to understand and help the child navigate the waters better - but why be a consumer of the industry that does this extremely cruel practice to mommies and babies?

And to the previous poster who said that couples who can't have children might be better because they are so desperate for a family.....desperation is not a healthy way to "build a family." Gaining another's child to fullfill some personal aspiration of being a parent is ALOT of unfair burdensome pressure to put on that kid. Parents need to be whole complete adults before bringing a life in to raise

Answer 4

I don't think that they would be better, rather they would just now what to expect. See when the parent has also been adopted, there is more understanding and i believe patience, and more love. See if the child comes to the parent with a problem, that the parent went through in child hood regarding there adoption, they could help them with it. I do believe that you really can't compare the two, cause every adoption is different.

Good Luck

Answer 5

I am adopted and now 37yo. I "always knew" I was adopted, my brother and I both were and we were never sat down and told, it was always known. It was hard growing up, I suffered from severe depression all throughout my teens and 20's, so I always wondered if it was from my biological family. It was also hard in school when we did projects to see who we got our traits from, because I knew it was neither of them. When I was 15 my parents had a natural child. She always thought we were loved more and us vice-versa.

As for parenting, I have a natural child. I don't think I would be any better parent to an adopted child. I would love any child. I would like to adopt now, since my health was bad during my pregnancy, but I firmly believe it is still a binding unbreakable love, either natural or adopted. Once that child is in your arms and yours, he/she is stamped in your heart forever!!

Answer 6

That would depend on whether the adult adoptee has faced her issues and worked through them. (I use the feminine here for clarity.) If she refuses to accept that she experienced any loss or trauma by losing her mother and family - a loss no matter how necessary it may have been - she will not be able to acknowledge and validate those of her adopted child.

So, no, it's no automatic. But an adult adoptee who HAS worked through these things and acknowledges the downside of adoption we well as the potential upside would probably make a better adoptive parent than a non-adoptee who cannot fathom such issues.

I would go so far as to say that an adult adoptee who denies the downside of adoption would make the worst adoptive parent.

Answer 7

I don't think anyone can say for sure.

If the adoptee/adoptive mom has truly worked on her own feelings from being adopted, and hasn't just repressed them, then I think she'd stand a good chance at being an awesome adoptive mom.

If the adoptee/adoptive mom has NOT worked on her own adoption experience and feelings, and IS repressing them, then I think she's actually likely to be worse.

Just my gut feeling, especially from reading the writings of some adoptees-turned-adoptive parents.

Answer 8

My mothers best friend (and her husband) adopted a child. They already had two children of their own, white, and adopted a child who is black, white and native american. Neither of them are adopted. You could not ask for better parents. They are the best. I think it has more to do with the type of people and how much love they have. As an adopted child, having a parent who was also adopted will definitly give the child someone to relate to, so they wont feel so alienated. But that doesnt make them better

Answer 9

I think you would have specific insight into the emotional needs of an adoptive child that might be lacking in someone who hasn't had the experience.

Answer 10

being adopted would give you some insight that someone who was not adopted may not have. I don't know if it would make you a better parent or not. It certainly wouldn't hurt. To me, the person who makes a good parent, is a parent who will love the child and put the child first. Like Jesus said, the greatest of these is love. Good luck