should i stay with him even after this treatment?

Question

last night i came home from a party to my boyfriend and he was very hard to get along with and very rude, he told me that i should just go to bed and leave him alone. i thought this was mean and uncalled for so i attempted to turn his chair around (he was on the computer) and he got really angry and grabbed my arms, so i told him not to grab me and pushed him away, this went on for a bit so i punched him in the ****. this didn't really help but it stopped him touching me. me and my boyfriend get along and have never been physically abusive towards eachother, this was really scary. he blames it on me drinking but i don't see that as the problem. i don't really know what to do, i've been with him for two years and this is the first time i've seen him like this. i'm so confused. i know i don't deserve to be treated like this but i don't know if i should forget and forgive or just leave. PS he was playing an online game on the computer, just in case you were wondering.. :S help

ok, i know in his defense he has the 'i told you to leave me alone' thing but the reason i didn't was bcos he had no reason to be mad at me when i came in. i think he has an addiction to this game, a lot of his friends do too, & he often gets angry at people who interupt it. i'm trying to get him help to stop because it is making him less and less himself. i know it sounds bad, but i had been drinking, doesn't mean i was drunk. i hit him because it was the only way he would stop pushing me and holding me down, so i was defending myself, not the other way around. he recently got a new job and is very stressful, and his home situation in under pressure too so he does have a lot to deal with. he has apologized a lot for his behaviour and made sure i knew he loved me. so we're ok atm but i just don't know if i should stay. he had been alone all day so this wasn't about needing space and it wasn't like i was swinging his chair in circles, i was just making so he wasn't facing the computer

Answer 1

Maybe he couldn't tell you that he felt kindof left alone - almost like you had gone out and had a grand old time without him - and he might have been stewing just thinking about you out on the town. You didn't say how much you drink, but that could have affected things, too. You and he need to have a conversation when you are both in a better mood. Ask him if he will share with you what's bothering him - try to listen and not interrupt him while he's talking, even if you think he's saying something untrue. After he gets it all out, then carefully choose your words. Don't get nasty, don't call names and try to hear what he's saying. You said that he blames it on your drinking, so that's something that you should quietly look at - he may be hitting on a truth that you just don't want to hear from him, because after all, you're a "big girl" now and he shouldn't tell you what you can or can't do - but you really should examine it before totally pushing that idea away and getting angry at him for it.

Answer 2

Had you been drinking, and how much? I ask because this could "color" your perception of that night's events.
Could it be that:-
When you perceived that you were talking to him, you were in fact slurring and yelling, so he told you to go to bed, perhaps hoping you would sleep it off.
Perhaps as you thought you were just turning his chair around you were doing more - being rough or tipping him off, so he grabbed your arms in self defense.
Then your attitude continued to be belligerent, and the fight escalated to the point where you felt justified in attacking his genitals.
In the morning when everything had calmed down , your boyfriend told you it was due to your drinking, but you don't want to believe him. You don't believe you have a problem.

Now what you have to ask yourself, with some honesty, were you that drunk, did you instigate a bad situation, did you in fact attack HIM. If so you need to stop drinking and get help before you ruin this relationship, and the rest of your life.
If you truly believe that your boyfriend just turned on you for no reason, then either get help for him, if not, then back out of this relationship.
Its really up to you.

Answer 3

First of all, everyone has a back side. You being out drinking may have been the issue. Now that you are sober, see what he was upset about. It hardly is what you think. People that act like that have another issue that they may not even be aware of. Look him square in the eye and ask. What really is bothering you. Maybe he needed to talk to you about something and you were out having fun and he wasn't. Do you do this often? It may hurt him more than you realize. Before you go out, do you make it clear to him what you are up to? Do you ask him if he wants to go? Or does it bother him if you are going? Open mind, open heart. This is a long time to be with someone and not clear the air!

Answer 4

Abnormal behavior is a big sign something is VERY WRONG in his life. If he never was like this, not even close verbally or any way, something is very wrong and he is suffering depression.

It could be drugs, money or work problems. Maybe he is having trouble at home. Maybe he just received bad news from the doctor and is embarrassed to tell you what it is. Someone may have died in his family. Something is wrong and you need to get him help or least get him to open up about in a gentle caring way (aka without nagging.) This will be difficult for men have a tendency to keep their feelings inside because they feel expressing it is a sign of weakness.

Whatever it is, he may be thinking of suicide. Be more supportive for him , it may save his life. If he gets too much to handle, get him help immediatelty.

Answer 5

Did you ever think that this is maybe your fault? You came home form a party, you had been drinking. Now he stayed home, seems not drinking. Do you think that maybe you were being the aggressor here? It seems like he doesn't like it when you come home crap faced, & then you want to get in his face.
Why don't you ask him how you made him feel when you come home from partying (& I am sure you said something to him that got him going).
Maybe you need to make some life changes, or not go partying without your man.

Answer 6

I understand when people playing games on computer or where ever they themselves become a character, and to get them diverted is infact difficult untill they are off, i think u did try to get his attention at rong time..

Secondly i think this really pis a guy off when specially a girl shout back at him, and u hit him back thats rong, i bet if u apologise he would start loving u, and u really should go back to him
Best of luk from bottom of my heart

Answer 7

did you ever stop and think that he was upset that you were at a party with out him and you came home drunk that would be enough to set me off and don't you know better then to interrupt a man when they are playing games

Answer 8

You were in the wrong. He needed his alone time and you wouldnt give it to him. That wuld have got me angry aswell. Grabbing your arms isn't all that bad, he wasnt hurting you he was just stopping you from pushing his chair around and hurting him. that is self defence and not abuse. and you didnt need to punch him in the **** . You were wrong not him, i cant believe you think that its all his fault

Answer 9

just to let you know you provoked that whole incident. when he said leave him alone you should have and waited until the next day to see what the problem was. drinking may have caused your bad judgment.

Answer 10

i reckon that game was something like "days of prohibition"... all bout gangsters and stuff. and kinda uses abusive language and things. (i play it too...err.) soo yea. once when i read till the drinking part, i thought that this was just his way of saying "stop drinking!"