My wedding day was the worst day of my life. I was very young very naive and very stupid?

Question

I remember walking down the isle and thinking why on earth am I doing this. If the truth be known I knew a few days before when I went to my doctor and told him I was deppressed because I was getting married, He and many other people said it was just nerves, He gave me a bottle of tranquillisers which I took a handfull of before I left for the church, I dont remember much about the reception. But When I got to the alter I had a tremdous urge to turn round and run, but I thought all the people would be disapointed in me and didnt' what a shame. The happiest day of my life was giving birth to my children, the second happiest day was the day I got Divorced should have done it years before I did, fancy giving the best years of my life to a horrid man. Now single for 20 years and very happy. Next time I would have lots of children I dont need the man? what was yours like?

Answer 1

I'm sorry you didn't find anyone you really wanted to married and that you got married even though you wanted to. Honestly I don't have any reservations about my wedding or marriage.

Answer 2

Fiona, I'm sure regular Answers readers/viewers are familiar with you. It is unfortunate that you have been dealt the lot you have but guess what? There are thousands, if not millions who are in much worse situations than you have ever been in. Yes, life has been hard on you, yes you don't get to see your children for reasons which you have yet to clearly explain and yes I'm sure you feel that everyone is out to get you at times. However, you had and still do have choices. You just said yourself in the above statement that you made the choice to stay at the altar. It might have felt as if you didn't have a choice but in reality you know you did, we all do. Being angry, bitter and hateful is not going to change anything that has ever happened or any of the choices you've made. It won't make the future any brighter either for you. I think you must exude the most negative and self-loathing vibe that getting even visitation with your children will be nearly impossible. You really do need to grow up and get over it, honestly. Enough is enough. If you've been single now for 20 years then those years have been an even bigger waste than what you think your marriage was.

You need to find a good psychiatrist, bite the bullet and admit that you need serious mental and emotional help. You will eventually die a very sad and lonely woman if you don't.

Answer 3

Yeah! Me too! I never slept a wink the night beforehand, kept thinking,how can I get out of this? I finally plucked up the courage to say to my dad, " I hope I'm doing the right thing". He took me seriously, said "better to call it off now than wake up in a week's time and know you are tied for life"(there was no divorce in my country in the 70s). My mother overheard, and said, "you are cancelling this wedding over my dead body. You made your bed, you can lie in it"

And so I got married to a man I hardly knew, and I knew it was a mistake. I stayed married for 11 years and had four lovely kids, until I could not take the charade any more. Just like you, that was 20 years ago. I finally got my divorce last year. I went on to have another child by someone else, who chose not to stay with me. In my 50s now, I have found happiness with someone, but I will never, never marry him.

Answer 4

God that sounds horrible, i am referring to your wedding day. At least you are happy now, you are happy arent you? I like the fact you refered to the happiest day in your life when giving birth to your children that is so sweet. My wedding day, which was just over a year ago, was a short and sweet day, we married in a registry office, had only close family and friends, which totaled to around 20 people. Walkin down the rather short aisle, arm in arm with my dad i felt nervous as hell, and then once facing my now husband my legs couldnt stop shaking, and in result my dress was swaying lol. I made a mistake in my vows, and was terribly distracted by the sound of camera's and my mum sniffing and crying. From the "i do's" til the resturaunt i dont remember much except 20mins full of camera flashing in my eyes and a bundle of confetti being dumped over me. The best part of my wedding day was getting back to my parents house, just them, my kid brother, my husband and I. We ordered an indian delivery and talked about non specific stuff and later that night i snuggled in bed with my husband and completely forgot about the whole day. dont get me wrong i lvoe being married but the wedding while nice, was to camera involved, and nerve wrecking for me. xx Good luck in your future and i hope that your new guy wwill make you happy the way you deserve. x

Answer 5

My first wedding was exactly the same way - minus the tranquilizers.. I knew I shouldn't be marrying him but felt so bad that everyone spent so much money I went through with it. Luckily we didn't have kids, got divorced about three lonnnng years later.

I got married again two years ago. It was the BEST time ever. We had a HUGE wedding (he hadn't been married before) and danced the night away with all of our friends and family. I got pregnant three months later - so for our first anniversary we got a baby girl.

I am glad that you are happy with life now...some times staying is good, even though you hated it...you got your kids out of it. Now these years can be the best years of your life too...I hate to use that cliche, but Life Is What You Make It.

Answer 6

I have had 2 terrible marriages, I felt the same way you did on the way to my first wedding, I had had serious doubts but knew that it was costing money and I didn't want to shame and embarrass my family, so I went ahead with it, I barely saw my husband on the wedding day, he was too busy drinking and having a laugh with his mates, I hated it, and I started to hate him too! He had an affair with a 16 year old behind my back, I caught them in bed and that was the end of that marriage. My second marriage was equally bad, and again my husband had an affair with a work colleague while away on a conference. I have finally managed to break the cycle of users and abusers, and am very happy in my current relationship.

Answer 7

What's sad to hear is that you didn't have enough courage to follow your own gut intuition. Everything inside of you was screaming no but you chose to submit to someone else's expectation. Just because you didn't have the strength to follow your own instincts doesn't mean that marriage in general is somehow flawed. Despite your experience, I believe that children should only come in a relationship with marital commitment. Kids need stability and families bring that.

My wedding as hectic and stressful but amazingly beautiful at the same time. I knew right from our first date that he was going to be my husband. It's different for everyone.

Answer 8

I too was very young and naive. The stupid thing was I had been thinking of dumping this guy, then somehow we got mixed up with this church group. actually I think it was more like a cult. They told me we were both going to hell because we had been sleeping together unwed. I remember being so scared....they convinced us to marry without telling our families. Then once we were married legally by their church, it all turned weird. We left their church,then planned a wedding with our families, so they wouldnt know we were already married.
I remember putting on my wedding dress and crying and my Mother came in and saw me so unhappy and told me I didnt have to go thru with it, it wasnt too late. But it was too late, we were already married. So I had to go thru with it.
We stayed married for a few years. Had some beautiful children.....but I was unhappy....eventually I left.
Now I am with a beautiful man, who I love, and we are planning to marry next year.
While I will always regret marrying so young, I was barely 18...I wouldnt have my beautiful children if I hadnt married....so something good did come of it.

Answer 9

We married because I was pregnant. We had a civil ceremony when I was nearly 9 months pregnant! No ring, no family, no friends. But we have been together for 8 years. LOTS of ups and downs but 2 amazingly beautiful daughters. If we make it another 2 years then I'd like a church ceremony (I'm Catholic so it's necessary for me) to commemorate our 10 year anniversary so it'd be a vow renewal yet our official ceremony before God. I've been hesitant to push the church ceremony because to me, if you do it in front of God then that's really committing for a lifetime. And I'm not sure if he's the one. We caused each other too much pain yet I can't picture myself being with anyone else. So I give it another 2 years.

Glad you freed yourself from a life of unhappiness and pain. It's better to be happy alone than to be miserable with someone else.

Answer 10

Fiona, not all men are bad. You sound very depressed NOW LISTEN GIRL, get over this downer that your on and just enjoy the life you have left. Make an impression on this world that says FIONA WAS HERE OK. Only you can snap yourself out of this if hit helps email me some tI'me and perhaps you just need a private chat . I have had a varied life full of good and bad experiences and im still plodding on...

Answer 11

Gee, that's really sad. My wedding day was one of the best days of my life, I'm still very happily married to him almost 20 years later. But, everyone I've ever known who has a story like yours usually winds up divorced, because they never should've married that person in the first place.