HELp my son is white?

Question

Hello, I am a black young man that was happily married to a white woman. However we have gotten a dirvorce,(due to her drinking and drug problem ) and now I have custody of my son. My son looks pure white, hair, eyes everything, and has no traces of black. I first really seriously doubted that he was my son, and thought she cheated on me. But I was wrong, and felt really bad. blood testes were positive i am him the father. What makes me mad is when people tell me he's not my son. I have been harass at the mall, and walmart twice, by a cop and a manager assuming that I was trying to kidnap him. I am regular black, however And it is so annoying when people just say oh, is that your friend son, or is he really your son? no way, hes not yours! I am so really hurt. I am only a 23 years old single parent, and look 19 at that. I was only only 17 when he was born. He is now 6, and I love him with all my heart, could not trade him for all the money in world

here is his picture
http://www.bob.robles.com/images/River%20white%20shirt.JPG

What advice do you have? People are staring staring like I killed somebody, when we are together

do you know anyone that was or is in my situation?

Answer 1

Be courteous to those who are just curious, ignore the total idiots. Carry a short form birth certifiate in your wallet in case it is needed for a police officer who is really concrned. Have same situation in my family, except the parent is white and the child is black. You owe no one an exlanation. Just be as courteous as you can as an example to your son. He is a gorgeous child and very lucky to have such a loving daddy.

Answer 2

Well, since you've been approached by cops I would suggest carrying around documents that identify you as your son's father.

As for everyone else, well you can't change the world so why even try? You know he is your son and he knows you are his father and that is all that's important. Show your son, through example, how to ignore these types of people that way when he becomes more aware of it all he will have the tools to handle it well.

There has actually been more than one case in which a very white looking child had a very dark parent.

Answer 3

First of all your son is adorable. And he does have characteristics of an African American. I am sure it is frustrating and makes you very mad when people say those things. Just don't let it bother you, your son is unique, very special, and there are believe it or not other white children born to African american's and vice-versa. It is ok that you aren't look alikes, you have an unbreakable bond and that's what makes a father and son. People are so judgemental and superficial, perhaps you could come up with a comeback of your own. Like is that really your _______? (Fill in the blank.) Have a happy day!

Answer 4

I kind of get the same thing, only the other way because my daughter is mixed and I am white (blond hair/blue eyes).

The most important thing you can do is to let your son know that you are proud of him and love him even though you look different. I often tell my daughter how her chocolate brown eyes remind me of my mother's eyes (my mother died when my daughter was a baby). Comment to your son how his eyebrows look like yours or his ears are shaped the same way.

Also, use this as an opportunity to let your son know that we don't all have to look alike to love each other. There are lots of people in the same boat you're in. Hang in there and don't think about what others say. Just keep standing up for your little man!!! :)

He's a doll! :) Good luck! :)

Answer 5

I have almost the opposite situation. I'm a 14 year old girl and me and my dad are the spitting image of each other. If I wear 'guy clothes' people can't tell us apart. However he's a alcoholic, and isn't legally allowed in the city I live in. I've been brought into court 7 times because of it. What I've learned is not to give a damn about all the looks people give me, hold my head high and be proud of who I am. And to always carry identification. Good luck.

Answer 6

I have been through what you are going through. My family is like a rainbow. My children are biracial (1/2 Mexican and 1/2 white), my niece, whom I raised for the first 5 years of her life is all white with blond hair and blue eyes and I also took care of and partially raised my husband's cousins children that are 1/2 Mexican and 1/2 black but looked all black. People used to give us the funniest looks.
Once, my husband, was walking with my very white niece and everyone gave him such dirty looks he stopped in the middle of the mall and yelled, "I am not her father, she is my wife's niece!"
I learned to smile and ignore them and their ignorance. It isn't any of their business.
I also have friends that have adopted children of different races that get the same treatment.
Make sure that you carry some proof with you, in case the police stop you again. As mad as it makes you, at least they are trying to look out for the kids. Let them know that things are not always black and white , no pun intended and just keep on keeping on.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

Okay, so your upset that people ASSUME things that they don't know about you? You don't have to explain anything! Even if you try to explain, people hear what they want. Why even give them the satisfaction in knowing they have offended you with their assumptions? All that matters is that you love your son, no matter what he looks like.
If you are being approached by a police officer, asking if this is your kid, I would get his name, badge #, and ask what precinct he works in...call and report this. Now of course, unless it looks like a child is being forced out of the store, or is crying, then the officer has a right to interject. There are alot of biracial families out there, I am sure people look, stare, point, whatever it is they do - WHO are they to think they are any better? What really defines a family? So stop worrying about what people think about you or your son, you love him, that's that.

Answer 8

For your sake & the sake of your son... Please laugh this off as best as you can!! When you are called out - laugh & say "I know! But hey - we have the same feet!" He looks old enough to know that these comments are being directed at him & you. He'll feel the same as you do & will be fighting it the same as you - forever... Figure out what works best for the both of you to be able to handle it... You both are in this for the rest of your lives... And you know what? - Their are a great many "white" people who have no idea that they may have a tiny smidgen of black in them & if so - they are considered to be black. Do some research - you'll be amazed at how this was characterized way back when, kept undercover, & how people like your son are unsure of were they fit in. Fanny Flagg wrote a book on this, "Welcome to the World Baby Girl!"

Do you love your child? Are you proud to be a parent? Would you do anything for him? Take him into consideration & make the best of what you have... eachother!

Answer 9

So what exactly is your question? As a black man you should already know that people have all kinds of predjudices and you should have developed a thick enough skin to ignore the more mild forms of this.

So your son looks white? so does my brother. He has white skin and blue green eyes and red hair. my great grandmother's husband was white and that is where it comes from. Ignore the ignorant, carry id for both you and your son for the authorities and keep on loving that boy. If you think you have a problem think what waits for him so be strong and teach him to be the same way. God bless you both.

Answer 10

The simpliest thing to do would have been to have a family portrait done before you were divorced to have in your wallet. Since that is no longer an option you might want to carry a picture of your ex to show cops when they harrass you. Have a picture taken with your son. Better yet the next time someone accuses you of kidnapping get a lawyer and file a defamation suit. Each time you are accused of kidnapping is a slander against your good name. Get and keep the name of a good lawyer on hand. When someone accuses you give them his card and tell them they can surely get this straightened out in court and this is your lawyers name