My Fiance of 3 years split up with me in June stating that she needed to find herself. It was an EXTREMELY DEPRESSING summer for me. I miss her everyday. Two weeks ago, I signed up on Match.com and the response has been astounding, I now have 8 girls that I will be going out with. But I am scared, why is dating so hard after a long term relationship, breaks up?
2007-10-05 06:05:37 · 19 answers · asked by Jennaba9048 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I believe it's hard because you were so comfortable with the person you had been with for so long. Now you have to start over. The unknowns are what is scary. Putting your guard down and letting yourself go and be vulnerable is always an extremely hard thing to allow yourself to do.
However, you also can get excited. This is new! Those first kiss and first date sensations (among others) you will get to experience all over again! Embrace the change. :)
I know it's a lot easier said than done...I was with a guy for 4 years and then he left me and I had to start all over again as well.
No worries - "Miss Right" is out there and you have to let yourself be open to finding her.
2007-10-05 06:12:07 · answer #1 · answered by Kiara 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's exactly why dating sucks after being with someone exclusively for a long period of time...you have everything invested in that person, then all of a sudden they're gone. And where as when you dated before it was for discovery and "fun", now your agenda is different...now you want to date so you can heal and be able to say that you're "out there" again. It's a much more tentative arrangement this time around, so it tends to "suck". At first it makes you miss her even more because in place of all the familiar things you knew about her, things that were comfortable and felt like home, now there's this blank page sitting across the table from you, and you're not sure if you even want her to be there or not. It feels like starting everything all over again from scratch, and you haven't really decided whether you're up to that task or not, (or if you are) if this person is going to prove to be worth that effort....after all, you were just as sure as you could be about the last woman and look how that ended up? That's scary. Am I close to accurate?
2007-10-05 06:17:47 · answer #2 · answered by Captain S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your break up. For me, dating sucks after a long term relationship because we are so used to having that other person there and it's kind of like starting all over again. But it should also be exciting for you at the same time. You get to learn from your mistakes and really figure out what you want out of a relationship... and since the last one didn't work, through no fault of yours (or even if it was... it really doesn't matter) this will be the perfect opportunity to relfect and really focus on your wants and needs so you don't dive into something new unprepared. Good luck. Put yourself out there!
2007-10-05 06:15:36 · answer #3 · answered by sorrow2serenity2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be scared playa, it's a world of women out there. You are probably nervous because you are not with the one you are used to. Just take your time this go around and be more careful. It can be fun, you can come and go as you please and do what you like. Make some female friends also. That will give you the companionship of a woman that you probably don't have now. It can help to ease your pain. Then you get a woman that you can have fun with, this will help build you back up from a sub par feeling of nothingness. Then if I were you, I woul dcontinue to date different women until you can find one that you are going to be happy with.
Peace and Good Luck,
The Truth
2007-10-05 06:19:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's because you miss the familiar. Your heart wasn't ready to leave, and when she left, she took all of your dreams for the future. Now you are having to start all over again at square one with new people, learning about them, learning what you want and don't want, and reconnecting. Getting that certain feeling you had with her takes a long time. I hope that your next girlfriend is a keeper, but keep in mind, internet dating is like a giant Sears catalog, and some people don't know when to stop turning the pages.
2007-10-05 06:09:31 · answer #5 · answered by Sassie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through the same thing after a failed marriage. I think its good that Ur going back out there. I think after coming out of a relationship for so long makes u blind to allot of things. Jus be careful take things slow and have fun. This is for the best you probably don't see it now but u will.
2007-10-05 06:11:30 · answer #6 · answered by KORIN 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just REMEMBER that U have to start somewhere. just have fun with it for a while. Have some physical relationships only but if u find a good one don't pass her up just because, sounds like u have been split for a while so need to move on the best u can.
2007-10-05 06:14:11 · answer #7 · answered by killster 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're probably not over your 3-year relationship. But dating is hard because it is like an audition for the part of your girlfriend. You must keep going out and auditioning more and more ladies before you find the right one.
2007-10-05 06:12:07 · answer #8 · answered by Newly Eloped 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dating is hard if you haven't done it for a while, because you are used to being in that comfort zone. When you date someone new there's all the things they have to learn about you, and you about them...it can be exhausting to date many different people because you feel like a recording, talking about your life, career, history, family, etc.
Hang in there...it's part of how we meet people and hopefully find someone we want to hang with for a while. ☺
Anything worth having, is worth putting in some effort toward.
2007-10-05 06:09:05 · answer #9 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because it was so comfortable with her- you knew what to expect when you were with her, and now you are facing something outside of that comfort zone.
But, going out can be fun and exciting too - meeting new people, getting different perspectives/opinions on things, and having the stories to talk to your friends about: "Man, I went out with this girl the other night, and she hummed the theme to Jaws all through dinner!" Stuff like that, you know...?
2007-10-05 06:12:37 · answer #10 · answered by IJToomer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋