ANyone tried the "I dont care" method?

Question

Here is a little bit of history before i get answers saying he is not ready, he is afraid of the toilet, he is constipated.
I started toilet training at 2 years old, he got the hang of it, except the pooping thing, then we stopped because i was pregnant and he started to regress so we stopped. We picked it back up at 2 1/2 and he loves it, we got rid of the diapers even at night, has never had an accident....except the pooping thing. He has now been 3 for a month and still is not pooping regularly on the toilet, i have seen him do it, i know he can. It is just a game, a power struggle. We have tried every approach, rewards, praise, making him sit when we knew he had to go, i mean everything and he still wont.
So my question is has anyone tried the i dont care approach? When the child poops you just say or act like you dont care, clean him up and change him and then carry on.
Does it work? how long did it take until the child wa doing it on his own?
Thank you so much for any help

Answer 1

I tried a version of it.....Mine was this, with both kids I put them on the potty every thirty minutes for ten minutes until they went and I had a strict "I don't care" if you want to get down rule.

Plus both were bribed a little with big kid undies featuring their favorite characters

Answer 2

Don't make a huge deal about it, yes. But don't just ignore it, either. Tell him without showing any emotion that when he has to go poop, he has to use the potty. Then have him sit on the potty before cleaning him up. Also, don't simply clean him up - he's old enough to at least help clean up after an accident. This will reinforce that he's a big boy, and he is responsible for cleaning himself when he has an accident. Doing this, along with getting rid of Pull - Ups (they're just diapers with a different name), putting my son only in cloth training pants, and having him sit on the potty every half hour with pants checks in between every 15 minutes, my son was fully potty trained in only three days. By the end of the week, he traded in his training pants for the cutest little size 2t boxers I've ever seen =) Don't worry, your son will get there. It's a process and takes time.

Answer 3

Let it go, my doc told me that only 1 in 3 three year olds is actually potty trained. My oldest didn't want to do it at all until he was nearly 4, and then he trained all at once in like 2 weeks went from diapers to big kid underwear with no fighting and few accidents. Just back off and try to let him go at his own pace. Boys train later anyway. i have a 3 year old now, he's been 3 for 3 months and doesn't even show any interest at all no matter what! You're not alone!!!

Answer 4

We use the "I dont care" method, basically because we dont care and didnt really know this was a method. Our son is just 3, also have a just 2 year old, and the 3 has pretty well got the hang of it. Now our biggest concern is getting him to hold it when he's at the park without potties or on a car trip.

Answer 5

It sounds like you are handling things appropriately. I would make sure he is in underpants, and if he has an incident (it's not really an accident if he refuses to use the toilet), he must help clean up. He dumps the poop into the toilet and helps to clean himself up. He goes with you to wash the underpants.

Eventually, he will want to do things that require he poop in the toilet (swimming, kiddo sports, etc.). He'll get it then.

Answer 6

For some children I think it's an issue of the act of pooping being freaky or nasty and they can see it in the toilet when they do it. For others I think they just need that "hide a way" sneaky place for the privacy..........
I have few suggestions.

For my first potty training experience, she potty broke easy, but the pooping thing was something that petrified her. Once I was able to explain that it ONLY touched her when she did it in her underwear and not when done on the toliet, and thats why we did it in there, she never pooped her pants again.

This might sound yucky, and probably best used as a last effort when all else does fail, but it did work the FIRST time.
I am not sure how "firm" your sons stools are, but my neices were very firm from I assume constipation??

My oldest daughter was babysitting her regular and she's daily poop her pants. She was past 4 yrs of age.
We, like you had tried the rewards, time out chairs, removel of toys, all sorts of things and none worked.

My daughter complained non ending about having to keep cleaning her up. That got me to thinking about what it was she DIDN'T like about it and how that may effect my neice as well if she had the SAME duty.

So I sat my neice down. I asked her if her cousin pooped her pants would she want to clean her up?? She said NO! I said well she kind of feels the same way when you poop. I allowed her to think about that a momment. Then I said here is the deal. If your cousin poops, SHE has to clean it up herself. If you poop, YOU have to clean it up yourself. Your cousin doesn't like it either so we will all clean ourselves if we have an accident.

I then told my daughter what I had said. I explained to her, her neice has rather hard stools, so if she just dropped the content into the stool real quick.....then handed my niece the panties to wash in a bucket...... she wouldnt realize it and would think the panites were still poopy.

Sure enough my neice pooped her pants. I asked if she remembered our deal. She made a face. She was taken to the bathroom (content dropped into the stool without making it a point to her it was no longer there of course), she was handed her underwear, and stood in front of a bucket of soap water. She barely had a hold of the underwear but she did the up and down motion about 3 times and was told ok.

She did NOT at all like cleaning the mess herself even though technically there was nothing in the panties at the time. In her mind she had just pooped them and it was all nasty.

I told her dad what occured. She NEVER pooped her pants at my home again, nor did she at her own home once her dad told her the same. ONE time going through the motions and it ended. Bascially thats all it was, the motions...... I would not suggest a child cleaning real soiled underwear and such. It might give you a larger mess, etc!!! As I said she had very hard stools that made this a rather easy task to get rid of prior to the dousing but it did work.
She was also a bit over age 4 . It was a bit easier for her to understand and recall the deal.

Another time I babysat a 4 yr old boy and his 1 yr old brother. They had a very young mother. The 4 yrs old needed changed more often than the 1 yr old literally!!! The mother had a habit of only packing extra for the smaller boy. This over and over became a problem for me as I would no more than get his clothes washed and dried and he'd pee them again!! He would even stand right outside the bathroom door and go. So I didn't think it wasa an issue of waiting to long alothough I still don't know what it was???

What I did, was set up a self made calender. I told him if he made it through at least 3 of the 5 days I had him THIS week, without wetting his pants, he'd get a special treat at the end of the week. I told him each day he didnt wet his pants, he's receive a sticker to put on HIS BIG BOY calender. When he got 3 he knew he'd receive a treat.

The stickers every day gave him something "physical" to see and do as to his own accomplishments and rewards. He was quite proud of all those stickers he earned. Within the first week our potty problem was resolved at my home although he continued to do it at his home where he didnt have stickers...............

You can also try the "Big Brother" routine if you are having another child. Explain big boys do not poop in their pants thats something babies do. When the baby does show them see they are still a baby they pooped in their pants. Then ask him if he is going to be a big boy today himself?? Most prefer to be a big boy or girl and will want to prove they in fact are.

Answer 7

I've never heard of this method, and didn't try it exactly, but I went through a similar phase with my son. He was around three before he got regular with potty BM's. I remember thinking at the time that I was going to have to go to kindergarten with him and wipe his bottom for him! He had a fear of the toilet I think--he was ok with facing it for #1, but didn't want to sit on it. I think he thought something could come up through the pipes and bite him on the butt. Seems like we found a story or something to help him work through that fear. (Look for children's books about characters that overcome fears of things, even if it's not the toilet and maybe he will on some level start making the connection.)
If it's truly just a power struggle, you are right that a more low-key matter-of-fact approach would work better than high-pressure.
I think if I were you I would modify the I don't care method to a "let's see if I can make YOU care" method. It will be tough and messy for a few days, but it might be worth a shot. Use old-fashioned training pants instead of diapers or pull-ups on him so he really feels the discomfort of poopy pants, and take your time changing him. If you know he's messy, put him in a safe place where he is contained and won't spread the mess until you get around to it, but let him sit in the mess for just a bit. In the meantime, think of things to say within his earshot that you wish you two could do together but only "big boys with clean pants" can do that. (Read a story, share a treat, go outside to play, etc.) Of course, if he has any success (BM in the potty, telling you he needs to go, etc.) make a huge deal out of it & reward him.
Watch for things that he says he wants and would like to do, and use them as incentives rather than something you come up with. Say something like, "Yes, that does sound like fun, but it is just for big boys that wear big boy pants. Maybe you can get/do that when you can go in the big potty."
Does he have a favorite superhero or other character? If so, the big boy underwear with that design on it might be another incentive. He would earn that by having X number of days without a BM accident.
If you take him to daycare or preschool, the toddler teachers often have a "special gift" for teaching this skill, and sometimes the combination of their more detached patient approach and the peer pressure from the other kids that are already potty-trained can work magic that you haven't been able to accomplish at home.
If you get to age 3 1/2 or 4 and are still dealing with this, it is probably time to talk to a pediatrician or child therapist to see if there is a medical condition or other issues going on.
It could be something as simple as him feeling discomfort when he tries to go that could be fixed by adjusting his diet.
When I did a web surf on this topic, I got lots of hits, so there's plenty of other advice out there if this doesn't work, the following link looked especially interesting.
Looking back to when mine were this age, I can't say that this stage is one that I particularly miss, but in the grand scheme of things it seems minor now. Trust me, before you know it, your kids will be wanting to be independent and all grown-up before you are ready for them to be--enjoy them while they are little as much as you can!

Answer 8

From 38 weeks on i attempted each and each organic technique obtainable from castor oil (which left me dehydrated, all day diarrhea and an particularly sore backside), to raspberry leaf tea, intercourse, squats, nipple stimulation, exceedingly spiced meals, and so on and that i finished up being brought about interior the tip. of direction all of this replaced into previously i replaced right into a nurse and knew extra clever, lol somewhat not something can velocity up mom nature. :-)

Answer 9

You mention constipation.Maybe he is not afraid of the toilet but afraid of the pain of passing poop.Try changing his diet so he isn't constipated and pooping comes easier for him.

Answer 10

I'm still struggling with potty training my 3 year old because he is resistant, but, if you know your son is constipated, it might help you both if you did what you can to help loosen his stool.

Best wishes!