Should a teenager give up her seat to her father?

Question

In our home everyone has a "place" they sit in the living room when watching tv. When my husband is not home, my daughter sits in his "place". Last night my husband and I went to the living room to watch tv (my daughter was already sitting) and the controversy started about who's "place" it actually was. She basically refused to give the seat to her father then stormed out of the room saying I'll just watch tv in my own room. To which we replied...that's a great idea! Are we wrong to expect a child to give up a seat to an adult?

Answer 1

No you aren't wrong you should teach your child to have respect for adults and even people older than her like her siblings if she has any You shouldn't spoil her with love and let her go undisciplined Teach her to respect and obey her seniors especially you her parents. you should let her know its bad to behave or talk rudely to people. She needs to learn that like all children so don't let her go unchecked.

Answer 2

No. If the place had been allocated to her father in the 1st place she should not have minded - as for dad he must realise that when kids are in their teens they will respond to jocularity or rationale rather than the usual heavy male 'that's my seat move' attitude. Why did you not have enough sense to ask her to come sit by you, suggest that she would be comfortable sitting somewhere else in the room, or gently point out that to show deference and politeness to an older person than herself is a sign of maturity? Besides which I wonder just how much spoiling she has had. Politeness and respect need to be on the agenda right through, it is no good now moaning about or asking advice on something that you should already know and been teaching her

Answer 3

There is no patern for such a situation. It all depends about the relationship between the chair-sharers. Just take me as an exmple:
I live with my mum and step-father together, When i`m at home and happen to watch TV in the living room (which happens very seldom) I always sit on the couch I know that my stepfather won`t use. We never talked about this, but we always had our predetermined positions.
As for the time i`m beeing together with my real father... When I`m at his house, I literally feel that there is no order about who is sitting where. It doesn`t count at all, because we see each others as equal, I guess. He always treated us like equal human beeings, from the begining
There is a certain feeling your parents are emitting or not, which make you know if you "are allowed" or not to sit on any spot.
In your situation, I agree with the others: it was rude of her to refuse giving up her seat, since there apparently is some ranking in your family.
What I want to say is not that you should treat your child more liberal. There are more than enough spoiled children in this world. You should be strict with him, make him learn from its own mistakes, but also be fair to him and make him feel equal to you.
I sense some tension in your family, and it certainly isn`t good for a child to hear from both parents that it would be a good idea to go watch tv in her own room.
Just think about why she probably was watching tv in the livin-room and not in her own: 1) probably better tv-qulity :)
but 2) also probably, she was seeking some company.
Okay, I`m difting off the topic, and acutally I said everything I wanted to say. Good Luck to you in educating your daughter!:D

Answer 4

Teens have a rough time of it, remember when you were one yourself.......

So it is awkward when you have a teen who often locks themselves in their room to begin with, once out in the open do you give them the seat or drive them away.

How you were raised influences your opinion too. I grew up believing elders deserved respect including allowing them to have the chairs, we sat or lay on the floor (to watch T.V.) when the seats were taken, and it was fun, never an issue.

Even with that being my belief I might have sided with the teen because sometimes a teen needs to feel special and equal to others in the house too (even if it is an illusion).

But if there is disrespect for the dad, or a day when dad is just tired and wants his favourite place then shake awake the queen I say. All daughters are queens, don't you luv them they put you through it don't they.

Answer 5

Here's my opinion. The fact that your husband is probably the main person that brings in the finances in the home and he is the Man in the house and your daughters father earns him respect.

Your husband doesn't need to be forceful at it also. Who's seat it is or who's place it is shouldn't even exist in a home. If your daughter was sitting in her father's "seat", then as an adult what's so hard in sitting somewhere else?

This whole situation seems like "ruling with an iron fist " to me.

Answer 6

YES, you should have labeled the seats

I think that HAVING a spot, that she is prohibited from sitting in is ridiculous

your husband can sit on the sofa,

why does he get the special spot and not her,

on the other hand, if he gets home later than her , you could explain that its not fair to daddy because she always gets home first,

How bout make a special seating rotation, this way she learns how to share, and you learn that it can't always be Your way or the Highway.

FYI I am the mother of 3 boys, We don't have special seats,
but since my husband comes home late around 7-8pm I let hi take over the tV REMOTE, REASON is because, I have had control of the TV all day,he should be able to enjoy it aswell.

OH don't forget kids don't have it as easy as you might think.

Answer 7

I went through the same thing only that I was the teen and my stepfather has "his" seat that when he was home he sat in. I got angry at him and my mother when they made me move when I was there first because I felt that it was wrong. They preached to me about how I need to share and that nothing is mine unless it had my name on it and then they turned around and did that. But now that I am older I see that an adult deserves respect all the time and that I lived in there house with there rules that I had to respect and follow them. I have my own house now and when they come to visit, they do not sit in my seat at the dinning room table or on the sofa because it is my home. So try to sit down with your daughter and explain to her that it is OK to sit there when he is not, but when he wants to she needs to respect that and get up. She is a teen right now and all they want to do is rebel and they do not even notice it. So don't be shocked if she still does not understand it once you speak to her about it. She will one day. = ) good luck.

Answer 8

In our house, whoever is there first has the seat unless a person needs that particular seat for something such as sometimes I need the seat closest to the big lamp to read.

Its going to be different in your house though. But I think its unfair that you made her move when she was already there. How would you feel if your parents stormed in demanding you shift when there were other seats for them to sit on? You wouldnt be happy about it and you would be angry, jsut like she is, plus on top of that, she is raging with teenage hormones which is just magnifying the response.
Try not to alienate your daughter over something as petty as a seat.
She wont be bullied and intimidated into respecting you so dont so dont go down that road. And you just taught her that if you are bigger then someone and you outnumber them then you get your way all the time.
This isnt the time when you grew up, this is 2007. Its a different way of thinking, respect, true respect cant be demanded, it has to be earned and you wont earn it that way. I dont run my house like a democracy, but I am not a dictator either and it gets results.
I think everyone in your house needs to grow up.
If you were on a train and someone came up to and demanded your seat and they were a few days older then you, would you give it up to them?
By your arguement, they are older so you should bend over for them.

Answer 9

No she shouldn't have to "give up" the seat. It's her home too. Men expect women to bow down to them in every way. Let him sit somewhere else. Why does everyone in your home have a "place". It's everyone's home. You are a family supposed to share almost everything. I think your husband is a jerk. When she gets married she will think all men are like that.

Answer 10

Is the chair really the issue? Is she a teenager? Sounds more like she is testing the water. Youngsters need to interact argumentatively to prepare them for today's modern world. The old platitude of a little tolerance all the way round will help but I'm afraid its a case of weathering the storms until they fly the nest or grow up a bit.

Answer 11

when i was a child, yes i did have to give my dad HIS seat. still to this day when i go to my parents house HIS seat is always made empty when HE walks in the door. now i have my own house and family, we dont have a particular seat that any of us sit on... lol mysel,husband,9 year old,8 year old and 2 babies all have to fight for a seat but my children usualy offer their seat anyway.....although some generations see things diffrently...stuck in a rutt id say so move on in2 the 2007 and share alike....