was he just spooked?

Question

my now husband and i have been together since we were 15 we are now 25, i recently found out he probably had fling before we got married. it tore me apart, he's the only guy i have ever been with. he wont admit it, but the chick had some pretty hard to deny evidence. i love him with all my heart and really dont want to leave him, but cant be with someone who will do this. some people say though that he was just spooked, that we have been together since being kids, we had our first kid when we were 18, and that maybe he was just scared to know that that was it, just one woman in his whole life. that is no excuse i know but it does make it tolerable for me. if thats all it was i can deal with it, but if there is a chance he cared for someone else i cant. i keep trying to figure out what happend. he treats me like a princess. on top of that i am young, pretty with some much going for myself. this woman was chubby, 10 years older, run down factory girl that looks like she still in the 80s

Answer 1

Just to clarify - this fling happened while you were together, not before you got together, right? I am going to assume the latter, because if it is the former there really isn't a problem...

If you can forgive him for being spooked, and you two can get through this TOGETHER, I say good for you, way to weather an almost inevitable storm. Being together for so long at so young must be really really difficult.
The only thing that bothers me is that he still denies it after "hard to deny evidence". If you are sure that this happened, and he won't be honest with you at the very least, then that spells huge trouble. How can you deal with something together, as a good married couple would, if one of you denies that something even exists? If he is denying it with such strong evidence, it also suggests the problematic thought that he might still feel entitled to what he did, and therefore might do it again. If he insists on cheating and not being honest, then you HAVE to leave him for health reasons.
If you really can't decide whether or not it happened, because the evidence is strong but you want to trust your husband, you can measure his reaction to a kind attempt to discuss the matter... ask him if he knew the girl, if anything happened, tell him that you appreciate truthfulness, that you want to make this work but you can't if he lies to you... and judge his responses. If he seems dismissive, he is almost certainly lying. If he is able to have a real, calm conversation about it when you are speaking calmly without appearing uncomfortable in the "i feel guilty" kind of way (you know what I mean), then the girl might just be trying to break you two up so she can have him for herself.

And by the way, if he did this, the reason he probably chose this other woman was precisely because she wasn't a "serious" thing - she was someone he could experiment with and walk away from, to "sow his oats". In my experience, the "other woman" is very rarely prettier or nicer or more fun or kinder or better in any way than the current girlfriend / wife - it's actually usually someone who has no possibility for becoming a serious relationship at all and was just fun to experiment with in the moment. so don't feel so badly about yourself. If he did this, he didn't do it because you were lacking in any way.

Answer 2

I know you are upset, but I don't think picking on the girls looks are going to make the situation better. The problem is that you are at a crossroads concerning trust. You have to find a way to trust him again, or it's just not going to be a productive relationship. I don't know how you can go about regaining your trust for him. Being that this happened many years ago when you were both much younger it may have been an isolated incident. In my opinion, people have no business being married at such a young age. Neither one is usually ready for the commitment of marriage and this is one of the sad consequences of early marriage. If you really care, then I would suggest couples counseling for both of you. It's totally feasible that you can hash out the details and become a happy couple again. It's simply a matter of him being completely honest and you doing the same. Sometimes you have to let the past be the past, and you have some serious history to just walk away from this relationship.

Find some help, sometimes it's even free though a local church. I'm not an advocate of religion, but if you can salvage your marriage, then whatever it takes is my opinion.

Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 3

It sounds like you guys are really in love with eachother. You have a lot of history and a great relationship. There is a good chance that he was just spooked as people said. He obviously doesn't want to cheat on you since you two are still together. You need to talk to him about it and ask him to be straight with you. Don't say anything to persuade him to say what you want to hear. Just let him talk first and get all the answers. Then you have to make a judgement call. Give him up and throw away all the time and effort or keep him if it didn't really mean anything. It's really up to you two to talk it out. Best of luck.

Answer 4

Have you had his eyesight checked. He would have a trouble that comes and is going. Had a bit mare that had a equivalent trouble-used to be forged as a rock so much occasions then could simply spook and pull again while tied handiest to the silo. On the ones days she used to be additionally spooky while ridden. About 3 months later she went blind in her proper eye (no different signs). Now that she is blind always-no issues in any respect.

Answer 5

If this happened before you got married, let it go. He loved you and married you. If he wanted to be with this other woman, he would have gone with her. It sounds like this woman is trying to cause trouble between you guys. You can fall for this and make a big deal about it , or be happy you have a guy that treats you like a princess. I know of several woman that would kill to be in your shoes, and maybe thats what this woman is doing, trying to kill your relationship with your man. Don't feed into it, just love him, and take the royal treatment he gives you. Don't forget to treat him like your king.