Do people not realize that in some families the wife is the primary breadwinner and the carrier of the health insurance???? Not every woman is married to a man who is the breadwinner and can fully support the family. My husband is self-employed and we can't rely on his income because it varies so much - it either does well or he struggles. But he loves what he does and I'm there to support us and pull us through. I couldn't stay home after I had children because we wouldn't be able to survive on his income alone. Do people NOT get that every family is different? Why do some people have to keep putting down working moms saying that they are 'damaging' their children somehow? I say, mind your own business!
2007-10-05 00:47:16 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
The unfortunate fact is that not everyone lives in a "Leave It To Beaver" world. Anymore these days, it takes two incomes a lot of times. And that's just for the basics. I used to be a working mom until my daughter was 18 months old. It was hell. People wanna talk about a hectic day - they'd better talk to a mom who works full time outside of the home and then comes home at night an does a fulltime job there as well - cramming a full day's worth of housework, yard work, errands, cooking and cleaning, while trying to spend every precious second that you can with your children is no easy task! Working moms do it all - literally! The last thing that a working mom needs to deal with in her life is a condescending lecture from some "holier than thou" stay at home mom about how her children are suffering becuase she's "neglecting" them - which is totally false. Most working parents spend every spare second they have with their children and they treasure every moment of it. It doesn't mean that you love your kids any less that those old biddies - it just means that you're doing what you have to do to support your family. Working moms are doing the best that they can with what they have. What are you supposed to do, quit your job, have no health insurance, loose your home and live on government funds in a cramped apartment somewhere? Heck no - you are doing an awsome job! I think that THE nastiest comment I ever received from a stay at home mom while I was working outside the home was this "Why did you have kids if you were planning on having someone else pretty much raise them for you?" That's the attitude of most of the people where I live, thankfully I'm not one of them. Staying home is very nice for your kids, but, daycare is fun for them too, and they get to play with other kids, and a lot of daycares even have preschool, so that's doing your children a world of good. Don't ever let a stay at home mom tell you that she does more than you do in a day - it's totally false - I've been on both sides of the fence and I've been on the stay at home mom side now for almost a year with two kids and let me tell you - staying at home is a cakewalk compared to busting your butt all day at a stressful fulltime job dealing with deadlines, schedules, bosses, coworkers and customers, and then coming home and doing a whole days worth of work in a 3 hour time period. And I'm not one of those moms who sits on their butt all day either. Here's an example of my schedules - the first is from when I was working full time outside the home, the second is now with me staying at home:
Working full time outside the home schedule:
3:45 a.m. - Wake up, rush to shour, get dressed, eat breakfast
4:15 a.m. - Wake up kids, rush to bathe them, dress them, feed them, pack diaper bags for day at daycare
4:45 a.m. - load kids into car, drive 30 minutes in tons of traffic to drop them off at daycare (feel horribly guilty about it and fight back tears when I dropped them off), then rush off to work before I am late.
5:30 a.m. - clock in, start my 12 hour day of busting my butt at a day in the life of a nurse.
12:00 p.m. - grab a quick sandwich from my locker (don't have time for a lunch break becuase in a hospital - you're always working short)
5:30 p.m. - clock out, rush to daycare (in rushhour traffic) pick up crying kids (feeling horribly guilty again).
6:15 p.m. - arrive home, rush to make supper, do the dishes, laundry, clean the house, yard work, run errands, get groceries if needed, spend 15 minutes with the kids, put them to bed, then collapse in bed exahusted only to have to wake up a few hours later and do it all over again.
My schedule now as a stay at home mom
6:00 a.m. or 7:00 a.m. - wake up, get dressed, take a shower before the kids wake up (liesurely)
8:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. - kids wake up, get them up, bathed, dressed, feed them breakfast (no rushing involved)
9:00 a.m. - I eat breakfast, read the paper while my kids color or play a little
9:15 or 9:30 a.m. - play with my kids as much as I want
clean the house at my leisure, throw in a load of laundry at my leisure.
11:00 a.m. - pack the kids up to go meet daddy for lunch some days, other days we eat lunch at home
12:00 p.m. - finish up laundry for the day, play games with my kids, read, sing silly songs, go outside and play or to the park or to a friend's house for playgroup, maybe go into town to get groceries if we need them.
2:00 p.m. kids go down for their nap, I have 1 to 3 hours of ME time
5:00 p.m. - get kids up from their nap (if they're still sleeping), play, start to make supper
6:30 p.m. - serve supper when my husband gets home.
7:00 p.m. - wash dishes, straighten up the house a little from the day.
7:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. - play with the kids and spend time together as a family
8:30 p.m. - It's the kids' bedtime, read them a bedtime story and put them to bed.
9:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. - Time for me and my husband
10:00 p.m. - go to bed knowing I don't have to stress about anything tomorrow!
Okay, so honestly, I think that the workign moms need to be given a standing ovation for all they do - so here's mine to you! I stand and clap for ya girl!!!!!!
2007-10-05 02:31:07 · answer #1 · answered by ~*Mrs. GM2*~ 5 · 5⤊ 2⤋
I used to have to work when my oldest was a baby- Single mom. I understand what you're saying. I was always made to feel inadequate as a mother because I had to work. Don't let it get you down.
I'm remarried now and my husband makes good money, so I've been able to be at home with my youngest her entire life. I have enjoyed it & I know how lucky I am.
Being a stay at home mother is not a right anymore. If you can do it, that's great. But some people can't.
Just know that some stay at home mom's get the same treatment, though. I've had people think I've cheated my children by not bringing in extra money so they can do more fun stuff or wear more expensive clothing.
As mothers, we all make choices for our children. As long as they're cared for and happy, then who's business is it?
2007-10-05 09:06:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well I ironically get this from guys that I work around more than the SAHM. I am active duty military and chose to stay in when I got pregnant so my husband and I could pay our bills off and be well off for our child (he's active duty as well). Being a woman in the military especially my career field there aren't a lot of women to begin with. I think we have maybe 4 girls in our whole squadron. Anyways, all I've heard from day 1 of people finding out I was pregnant is, (and this is coming from guys who have wives who are SAHMs..) I think women should stay at home with their kids... I wouldn't want a daycare raising my children, blah blah blah.. these are the same guys who tell me that I should breastfeed because its best for the baby,etc when they don't even know if A: I will be able to or not, or B: they know nothing about my medical conditions... I try to take it in stride, but it does get old. "Good for you that your wife stays at home with the kids, that is great" (is what I'm thinking). Growing up I never thought I'd have a baby and have to put it in a daycare at an early age, but I am and I will.. seeing as how I only get 6 weeks maternity leave. I see it as I continue to work, and fight for these people to have the right to their opinions (no matter how much I don't agree with them). :) Work if you want to, don't if you don't want to, but the way I see it, working and not staying at home with the kids does not make bad parents... and I admire the women who can stay at home I'd drive myself crazy because I've working ever since I was 16.
2007-10-05 12:10:08 · answer #3 · answered by Sharpie211 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My Godmother is the same as whoever sent you over the edge today. She thinks that I'm not a great mom like her because I don't take my son to play groups, or to mommy and me classes or don't sit at home with him every waking moment. She told me this all at my son's birthday party last year! She's my mother's best friend, she couldn't have children of her own and had to adopt (she now has 6year old twin girls) I just put it as she is jealous that I was able to have a baby.... so maybe this person/or persons who think you should stay home are jealous that they can't get out? You never know.
2007-10-05 08:12:39 · answer #4 · answered by witchkat1883 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Maybe someone said something that now makes you feel guilty for not being able to stay at home? If children are cared for properly, they don't get damaged. Growing up I would have gladly exchanged my stay at home mom for a sitter just to get a break from her!
2007-10-05 09:22:29 · answer #5 · answered by blr8t2 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand where you are coming from...some people can afford to stay home and others can't! Also, some moms don't want to stay home. They enjoy working outside of the home. Like you said, each family is different.
2007-10-05 09:00:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
So, What about the single moms and dads that have to work to support their kids. They can't stay home with the kids.
I work and My kids are well behaved, and not being damaged. Hell, my ex-wife is an addict now and I let the kids know the truth. They are dealing with that but that is the mother causing their pain. They are old enough to understand the lessons of drug abuse.
2007-10-05 08:00:24 · answer #7 · answered by Bones 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If someone asks a question here on Y!A then anyone with any opinion can answer. That's the way it is.
I think it's ideal to have one parent [husband or wife] stay at home. I think that's great. Most of the time it can happen that way with a few sacrifices. A daycare isn't going to provide the same care as a parent would be able to. That's my opinion--hate it or love it ot's still the same.
I'm not going to say someone is a bad parent because they don't stay home and have to work. To each their own but when someone asks a question on Y!A I'm going to answer it the way I see fit.
2007-10-05 08:12:08 · answer #8 · answered by .vato. 6 · 4⤊ 3⤋
I never really got that when I worked. People questioned me more when I choose to stay home than when I worked. You do whats best for your family. As long as you are truly happy with the way things are, than don't let it get you down!
2007-10-05 10:31:21 · answer #9 · answered by Aumatra 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I had parent teacher conferences today....I am a working mom...my children's' teachers went on and on about how great my children are. (I call the conferences my hour of ego stroking)
Working will never hurt your children. Just spend real quality time with your kids.
Some stay at home moms won't even bother because they feel like being there is sufficient. Quality over quantity holds true here.
2007-10-05 07:54:22 · answer #10 · answered by blueink 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Who are you talking about? Ive never seen anyone bash working moms, more moms are working than not, and its generally the SAHM's who are looked down on.
I think you've run into one or two bad comments and based your opinion of the whole lot on them. And that alone is not fair.
Women should make money, and they should do what their husbands want them to do. Kids are a full time job, and raising them up to be the best possible does take 24 hours a day, but in some cases women just cant be home, and thats just all there is to it.
2007-10-05 07:52:04 · answer #11 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 3⤊ 5⤋