New girl and herpes (aka: I really don't want herpes!)?

Question

OK, so I started seeing this girl. And I really really like her. Like, a lot. I slowly feel myself following in love with her...

But... she has herpes. Said she'd respect any limits I care to place on what we do, etc... She's had it awhile, takes medication for it, always uses protection, hasn't had an outbreak in a very long time, etc... None of her previous partners have caught it (partners she was with for a year or more).

Does anyone have experience being with a partner with herpes (and NOT catching it)? Normally, this would be an instant dealbreaker. But I really adore her. Obviously we could only do "safe" things (ie: no intercourse, mostly just manual)... but I wouldn't want her to feel like I was always keeping her at arms length. In time, that could cause major emotional problems.

Experience? Advice? I like her so much, and don't want to break it off. But if I'm going to break it off, now would be the best time before we get more attached.

Thanks!

Yes, she takes the daily suppressant type of meds... the anti-viral that reduces the risk of partners catching it.

And yes, she told me before we did anything, which gives her like a million points and further ensures me that she's awesome and I can trust her.

I'm just so prudish and unaccustomed to worrying about STDs (I'm 22, have only had 2 sexual partners, both very long term, both of whom I knew for a long time before and knew their complete history). So it's kind of a new dilemma. That said, I know many couples are together for years without one infecting the other... and as long as we use protection, it should be OK (and obviously she's really responsible about it). I'd just really like to hear from others with experience to back that up a bit more! heh. So thankyou to all who have respond and will respond! xo

Novel: Um... I met her a few weeks ago. Trust is gradual. I trust her as much as I've ever trusted anyone in the time I've known her (more, actually). Thus... blah blah blah. If I didn't trust her and care about her, then I wouldn't care this much, now would I? Given I'm probably being a bit of a baby about this, but... new info, new problem. When all is said and done and researched, I'm sure I'll stay with her (I just need to go through this process). So whatever.

Mutherluv: Thanks! And yeah, HSV 2. And yes, it's under control and she's never spread it to anyone else (or at least they haven't gotten symptoms), so... thankyou! And I knew that many people had HSV 1, but HSV 2? Wow.

Answer 1

If a person has sex with another person who has genital herpes, there is ALWAYS going to be a chance that the virus will spread, even if condoms are used. Condoms ONLY cover the penis and not the entire genital area. Herpes can be spread by DIRECT skin to skin contact. So, just the rubbing back and forth of the genital skin during sex or foreplay is enough to spread the virus.

Condoms HELP prevent the spread of the virus, her taking antiviral medication HELPS, and not having sex or doing anything sexual while she is on an outbreak can HELP prevent spreading the virus, but nothing is truly 100% effective except for abstinence.

There are several couples out there though who have been lucky and haven't spread the virus. One partner has genital herpes and the other doesn't. I was personally in a 4 year relationship with one of my exs and he never contracted the virus from me. So, it can happen! Unfortunately, the man I am with now (my fiance) contracted the virus from me a few months after we started having sex. I hadn't had an outbreak in over a year and he still contracted it from me.

If you are planning on staying with her and having sex with her someday then you need to be aware, like I said before, there will ALWAYS be a chance that it can spread to you. Good luck to you and take care!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

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Answer 4

Yes, there isn't any. Herpes is caused by a virus. Actually, there is little cure for viruses nowadays. The only thing that you can generally do in the case of a viral infection is strengthen the immune system and hope it fights it off. Not with Herpes, the immune system can't win against it. Thus you only get to treat the symptoms. Once you're infected, it stays with you for life. So don't get infected.

Personal experience. I have had genital herpes for over 5 years.

The #1 Herpes Cure Program?

Answer 5

I am also a girl with herpes, and I have to tell you that even if I liked you, the fact that you felt you couldn't come near me would just make me feel so awful I couldn't go ahead with it. Being made to feel like a leper would be a deal breaker for me. I have genital hsv-1 and my boyfriend has oral hsv-1 so we don't worry about it at all, don't use protection etc, but I decided a long time ago that if I met a man who couldn't handle the herpes I couldn't handle the relationship because it would make me feel too bad to feel untouchable, however much he said he cared for me. You are right, long term that would cause huge emotional problems.

It is also true that one in four women have genital herpes in the US - she isn't exactly one in a million for having it, and having herpes physically is a breeze, it is the way others make you feel emotionally that makes it so hard.

As to the other answerer, herpes does not mean you have slept around. With it being so common, you can catch it from your first partner. I caught it from receiving oral sex from my partner of eight years, who got cold sores on his mouth from being a small child. Having herpes is no indicator that you are promiscuous at all, that is an extremely unfair stereeotype.

Answer 6

I got clinically diagnosed with the herpes simplex virus (type 2) about six years ago, when I was still attending college and had a stupid one-night stand. I just made a massive mistake that one time and suddenly I felt like I was going to have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life. The worst part was feeling I could never date guys again. In the end, who wants to go out with someone that has sores around her you-know-what? But since a friend shared this video everything changed https://tr.im/CuresHERPES20152DOH

Not only was I able to clear away all traces of the hsv from my body in less than 21 days, but I was also able to begin dating once more. I even met the man of my dreams. This method provided me the opportunity to be happy and experience real love. Now I want to enable you too by sharing this with the whole World.

Answer 7

It is great you are getting more information on this. Believe it or not, herpes is very common. It is estimated that 25-40% of the population has genital herpes. 25% have HSV2 & about 70% have HSV1. 90% of those do not know they have it, because they either have no symptoms at all, or their symptoms are so mild they do not realize they are herpes related. Many are out there believing they are negative when they are in fact positive.

Do you know which type she has? Each type has different risks associated with it. Have you been tested to confirm that you are negative?

For sake of discussion we will assume it is type 2. With suppressive medication and condoms, the risk of spreading it is 1% over the course of a year. That is less than the risk of her getting pregnant while using birth control. Having sex with someone who knows their status and is taking precautions, is far less risky than having sex with someone who believes they are negative but has not been tested.

I have been with my husband for almost 20 years. For 19 of those years, I did not know that I had HSV2. Like you, I assumed that I did not have it, because I did not sleep around. Even with no preventative measures he is still negative for both HSV1 & 2.

You need to do what is best for you, but you need to remember something. At your age about 33% have type 2 genital herpes. (this does not include those with type 1 genital herpes) The chance of finding someone you really connect with is going to be less likely than finding someone with herpes.

Continue to educate yourself before you make any decisions.

Answer 8

just practice safe sex. If you really like her you will have to get over this issue. She had enough respect for you to let you know what was going on. So be honest with her and tell her how you feel. You wont get herpes if you take precautions. Alot of people out here would have never told you. So be thankful and if you are enough of an adult you will be able to love her and accept her as she is.

Answer 9

actually.. my boyfriend caught herpes last summer and it was the hardest thing he had to go through.. when we started dating he told me about it.. and i was relieved that he told me coz i know it was hard for him to confront his secret.. i didnt know what to do at first.. whether to stay or leave him.. im scared myself coz i dont want to get herpes.. herpes is uncurable.. meaning even if i get treatment for the outbreaks the virus is still there.. i cried when i told him i was going to leave him if i caught it.. time passed.. and i fell deeper in love with him.. we're getting married next week.. we don't use contraceptives.. its safe as long as your partner is clear from outbreaks.. but if its there.. try to refrain from direct contact.. if you really love this girl would it matter if she has herpes? i think you already know the answer to that dont you? you just dont trust her enough thats why you have all these doubts..

Answer 10

You said she takes meds for it. Are they the daily suppressive treatments to lower the likelihood of a sexual partner catching it? If so, and you use a condom, I wouldn't worry about it. If you do catch it, at least it's not a fatal disease. It just causes some sores every now and then.