if you have low self esteem, high anxiety problems, ptsd, borderline personality disorder, and have been?

Question

through alot of trauma in your life. In what ways can you learn to be confident,assertive & sure of yourself,& be able to hold your own outside?..im 30 years old & im a very nervous, unconfident character right now

also if your coping with all this, what is the best way to deal with hooligan type characters outside that try to make you feel threatened and intimidated, by looks and glances and stares?

what is the best way to deal with that and hold your own without losing control of your anger & getting yourself in trouble?

please i would like specific,detailed answers to this question im asking.

because often with high anxiety & low confidence, & not being sure of yourself. you have that ' fight or flight' , full of panic feeling and it makes me feel inadequete and ridiculous, because my mind tells me i should confront & stand my ground with these thuggish type people & be confident,hold my own...but obviously that can land you in trouble..

so how do you deal with them?

thanks for your answers, but with respect.. im not having specific answers to the question im asking.....which is how to be sure and confident......and also how to deal with intimidating, hooliganish type youths without getting in trouble...getting angry.

unfortunatly in the area im in there is quite a few of these hooligans...and im not in a position to move right now

Answer 1

Hi... i think that the first thing you could do is consider some therapy... it's helped me over the years. Realize that it has taken a lifetime for you to develop these symptoms, and it will take a bit of time to get through the "recovery" process.. or to manage these issues.

You can find a world of information using Yahoo Search... you can look up any of these - BPD HELP AND SUPPORT, BPD FORUMS, ANXIETY SELF HELP, PTSD SELF HELP, PTSD SUPPORT.

One more thing which i think is very important to remember -- other people's opinions of us don't really matter... and especially those who pass you on the street. The are actually going about their business, and there is no reason to give them a second thought.

Try not to let others control your emotions, as well. You are the master of your own emotions... it took me a while to realize this in my own life. So, for example, if Mary doesn't like me, well, i can't control her feelings, and i will go forward with my day. If someone else seems to find me inadequate, well, i know i'm NOT inadequate, so it's their problem, not mine.

YOU and those who love and care for you know what type of person you are.. that is all that matters.

If there are people in your life who put you down and who are not compassionate or caring, then it's time to think about removing yourself from them. If people in your life are negative and bother you, IGNORE them... most of the time people who are like this have LOW self esteem, so they have to put someone else down to feel better... think about it!

sending hugs... i hope you feel better. it does take work and effort on our parts to manage our illnesses. i know very well, i have a mental illness myself.

take care.

Answer 2

Well First of all, with all that negative talk that you are doing to yourself, it is no surprise that you feel so low and have such a self esteem problem. Borderline personality disorder is NOT a disease/chemical imbalance like Bi-polar or any of the other mood disorders. Borderline personality to disroder is caused by a person not dealing with situations prperly when they are a child. Usually a child that gows up with BPD has a homelife that is unsatisfactory and feelings emotions and concerns are not respected, and so the child has to ware a mask to help protect them from pain, because in essence they are ashamed of their feelings. A person with BPD can fit in with any group. The best solution for this disorder is Cognitive/Talk therapy. Medication can help alleviate some of the stresses but is really not needed and in itself is a mask, which causes a person not to deal with the issues causing BPD. PTSD - can also be treadted with medication, but really in the end the medication does not teach your brain how to think properly in times of stress and can be a hinderance to recovery pregress. Anxiety and panic attacks can be trained out of a person as well. Using specialized breathing techniques as well as the cognitive therapy, show amazing results. Agoraphobia - Are you really diagnosed as this, or is it a consequence of your other disorders? I believe that once you deal with the other problems, the agoraphobia will disapate and go away. The bad news, your attitude. SItting around wallowing in self pity will not change anything, all it will do is make you feel more sorry for yourself and even more distant from society and others. Just because your family isn't supporitve doesn't mean that you don't have supposrt. Their is pleanty of community support for people with mental illness. I know it is hard to get up, talk on the phone, make appointments and things, but seriously YOU are ONLY 30 years old. If you live this way the rest of your life, you are not going to have much of a life. You need to take responsiblity for your feelings and stop blamming others for where you are now. Pleanty of people have disorders such as yours and find the treatment and the help that they need. They move on to have happy successful lives with families. It isn't about what you do, it is about how you do it. No one is going to give you a chance if you continue to be this negative. Start finding things to be happy for. Do you have a home? A bed? Hot water and food? Those are things to be pretty happy about considering how many people do not. Why don't you start from there. If you look around at your house and ll you see is a mess, Clean it up. You have the time to live in a comfortable clean home. That is the first step to creating a happy existence. I am sorry, but sometimes people need a kick in the Butt, and you do. I never feel sorry for people and neither should you. We are the makers of our future, accept responsibility and things will start to change.

Answer 3

Why don't you go out and become a champion pool player. You know with the cube sticks, felt tables, 8 pockets game?
Some make money and the finals seem to get tv attention!
Money to be made.

Get better educated. The more money you make the more confident one becomes.

Set small goals like reading the Sunday Paper. All of it. Like by the following Weds.

Do not drink caffeine, alcohol, nictotine products, or anything thats addictive. They can make your behavior worse, and have you more nervous, anxiety.

Eat a well balanced meal. Meat, fruit, veggie, water, milk. Usually satisfies the soul. Unless your vegetarian.

Stay away from fast food places!!!! Sodium overload, artery clogging deep fried foods to be avoided!

Follow this advice and see how well you feel a month from now.

Answer 4

move to a better neighborhood i am bipolar and dealing with thugs is too much for me. I lived where it was dangerous to be out at 4pm on a nice day. I live now where there is a low crime rate. It was hard and expensive to make this move. I had to leave all my beloved items behind or sell them as I have very little money .I live on a disability check.

I am so much better living here and not being scared. It is a senior center as I am 64 and it is a real relief to be away from boom boom rock players that annoy me. If you can buy a small home so you have a bit of privacy and quiet.

I understand. If you Can have peace the rest will come and you will feel better

Answer 5

Your problems are all caused from unresolved issues in your past, caused from the abuse and bullying you suffered. It is sad that you continue to feel this way, fifteen years after the fact. You are not getting the closure you deserve, and I think it must be coming from family members that reinforce that they don't care as much as they should about the issue..this keeps you on your guard,..you need some xanax, for the anxiety and panic attacks. panic attacks is truly what you are suffering from...and it is a shame that they can't give you something to help you for now...while you await phsycotherapy. it isn't your fault that this is occuring. You just need the right meds to help you calm down, so you can at least concentrate on the therapy they give you, when they finally get to you. God bless, you are in my prayers

Answer 6

I am single mum. I have been suffering for panic attacks for some 15 years now, though it was not until recently I understood what they were. They were progressively getting stronger and more frequent, stopping me from some days even leaving my house. I read this book and it all made perfect sense.

I am not saying I was not terrified of putting theory to action, I was more scared of that than the next attack! But I decided to view it as a game, one I had control of and could therefore not lose!

Answer 7

all you need is to be brave. don't be afraid of what will happen. nobody has low self-esteem, it's only in one's mind.

since you're hanging out with thuggish people, join them in their activities and soon you'll be full of confidence...

Answer 8

time heals everything...just try and stay strong, read and educate yourself...good luck

Answer 9

Hey
Here are some steps to start empowering yourself:
Try to stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself. If you're used to focusing on your shortcomings, start thinking about positive aspects of yourself that outweigh them. When you catch yourself being too critical, counter it by saying something positive about yourself. Each day, write down three things about yourself that make you happy.
Aim for accomplishments rather than perfection. Some people become paralyzed by perfection. Instead of holding yourself back with thoughts like, "I won't audition for the play until I lose 10 pounds," think about what you're good at and what you enjoy, and go for it.
View mistakes as learning opportunities. Accept that you will make mistakes because everyone does. Mistakes are part of learning. Remind yourself that a person's talents are constantly developing, and everyone excels at different things — it's what makes people interesting.
Try new things. Experiment with different activities that will help you get in touch with your talents. Then take pride in new skills you develop.
Recognize what you can change and what you can't. If you realize that you're unhappy with something about yourself that you can change, then start today. If it's something you can't change (like your height), then start to work toward loving yourself the way you are.
Set goals. Think about what you'd like to accomplish, then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan and keep track of your progress.
Take pride in your opinions and ideas. Don't be afraid to voice them.
Make a contribution. for example: help clean up your neighborhood, participate in a walk-a-thon for a good cause, or volunteer your time in some other way. Feeling like you're making a difference and that your help is valued can do wonders to improve self-esteem.
Exercise! You'll relieve stress, and be healthier and happier.
Have fun. Enjoy spending time with the people you care about and doing the things you love. Relax and have a good time — and avoid putting your life on hold
And as you may have an anxiety disorder, you need to see a mental health specialist, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, for an evaluation. Don't wait to ask for help - anxiety can be overwhelming, and it can prevent you from enjoying yourself, your friends and social activities.
And for the moment these tips may help you deal with anxiety:
Think About Whether Your Anxiety/Panic Feelings Have Any "Pattern."
Sometimes, if there is a "pattern" to the anxiety or panic feelings related to a time or a certain activity or a thought, that is an important clue to alleviating and later eliminating the symptoms.
Realize That Anxiety "Attacks" and Panic Attacks Affect Many Millions Of People, And If You Are Otherwise Healthy, It Is Very Rare For A Person To Die From An Anxiety Or A Panic Attack.
Granted, it *feels* like you are smothering and can't get enough air, or like you are going to pass out, or have a heart attack due to your racing heart. The truth is, after many years of study, by numerous doctors and scientists, a person who is otherwise healthy is very uncomfortable, but rarely will have anything more than temporary discomfort, even though it feels like more.
When Feeling Very Anxious Or Panicky, Do Not Add MORE Fear To It!
Okay, you feel REALLY rough. And you KNOW you have felt that way before and survived after the severe symptoms pass. Talk *positively* to yourself. Sit down or lie down if possible and let the feelings subside, as you breathe slowly from your diaphragm, not the higher chest area. Remind yourself that the feelings and sensations WILL pass once the "fight or flight" hormones like adrenaline and cortisol diminish from your system. To panic or say "Oh no, not again!" merely will add more adrenaline or "secondary" fear hormones to your bloodstream, prolonging the symptoms.
*Accept* The Feelings And Wait For Them To Pass; They Will!
Perhaps the hardest thing to do is to "accept" terrible feelings. However, with anxiety and panic feelings, fighting them mentally or verbally will merely add to their severity by increasing your adrenaline output. Accept them, "go with the flow," breathe low and slowly, distract yourself with anything handy, and *let time pass.* The more accepting you become and the more you distract yourself and talk positively to yourself, the more quickly the symptoms will subside. Practicing this will help make the "episodes" less severe and make them of shorter duration.
Learn Some Relaxation Techniques To Use At Home Or When Out.
Relaxation tapes, music, meditation, and prayer are among the tools people can develop and practice to help them deal with anxiety or panic feelings. They can work to prevent the attacks themselves, as well as to make them less severe and of shorter duration when one occurs. Our mind can be trained to relax our body when we practice one of the many modes of relaxation and stress management techniques on a daily basis. There are thousands of tapes, books, CD's and other items on the market and in national bookstores and catalogues which can work wonders in eliminating the "fight or flight" snowballing sequence so often experienced when one suffers an anxiety or panic attack. Simply stated, find one you like and that works for you. Practice/use it daily especially when you are NOT anxious. Over time, you will be amazed at how you will be able to calm your mind and body *at will* when unpleasant feelings first begin. This practice will benefit you a lifetime.
Keep Your Body and MIND Busy!
When we are busy, our mind is usually concentrating on whatever we are doing and not on how we look, how our body feels, or if we "might" have another anxiety attack. The more we distract and concentrate on projects we like (at work or at home) and can really "get involved with," the less likely we are to have the super quick subconscious or conscious thoughts of doom or ill that many professionals who study and deal with anxiety and panic disorder feel cause or "trigger" each episode. If you find your mind wandering and thinking the "what ifs" or other "negative" thoughts, go back to your work, or get something else to do. Stop the thought by focusing your mind on something else. Some people find it helpful to simply say to themselves internally or aloud, "Stop!" whenever they find themselves thinking about something awful or scary that might make them anxious or panicky.
Start and Continue A *Daily* Exercise Regimen.
Exercise can serve several purposes in your life. In relation to dealing with anxiety or panic disorders, exercise helps to prevent the attacks due to the stress release benefits, as well as to help burn up the adrenaline and other stress hormones in the body that have accumulated due to stress or an anxiety or panic episode. Research by scientists, psychologists, and other professionals over many years has shown that exercise is truly beneficial in the prevention and treatment of anxiety, depression, and many other physical problems. The exercise needs to be something you can realistically do all year around. Treadmills, stationary bikes, and other at-home equipment will assure you that no matter what the weather is or how you are dressed, etc., you can benefit from using exercise as a way to burn up adrenaline and to increase your general health. When you are very physically fit, you will be *much* less prone to the effects of stress related symptoms, such as anxiety.
Educate Yourself And Your Family/Support People About Your Disorder.
There are basic paperback books, on anxiety and panic disorder written in laymen's terms which are very beneficial for the sufferer and their support people to read. One of the first people who studied and wrote about anxiety disorders and panic disorders was Dr. Claire Weekes, an Australian doctor. She has several books on the market still, and they are very easy to read, to understand, and to help people help themselves and others in dealing with anxiety or panic disorders. In reading one or two books which show how many people have the same frightening, confusing, often debilitating symptoms, a person can get a sense of "It's not just me!" "I have those same symptoms!" or "Gee, there really is a lot of help out there for me!" There are many books on this subject, but Dr. Weekes' are not only concise and inexpensive, but they are still, after 25 years in print, valid and very helpful for the sufferer and the family or support people of that person.
Hope my answer help you
Good Luck