for old offences that he committed 9 months ago and since then he has sorted his life out, got a job and we have a baby on way due in feb! now he has gone to jail for 15 months and i feel so alone and angry at him! i know i have to be strong but its so difficult! he is the love of my life, we are even engaged! i love him so much and i am scared how will i cope without him around when babys born as i have a disability and im scared that social services will steal my baby?
2007-09-28 22:06:27 · 20 answers · asked by blonderosey 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
There is no way on this earth that I would put my child up for adoption!
2007-09-28 22:12:40 · update #1
Social Services will not steal your baby. They can only do that through a court order and they would have to prove that you are somehow causing "neglect" or "abuse" to your child (which I'm sure you would not).
Can you get some support - do you have a scheme such as SureStart in your area? that way if Social Services accuse you of not being able to "cope" or whatever rubbish these people like to trot out you can show them that you have got support.
Just do the best you can for your baby. Your boyfriend will be out of prison soon enough, but really all that matters now if your little one. If you can show Social Services that your child is well cared for and happy they can do nothing to you!
My partner's brother has just gone to prison for 3 years and his situation was the same. After a long stretch of getting into trouble and screwing up he'd finally got a job and was sorting his life out, so its a real shame. However, your partner has something to look forward to when he gets out - you and the child you have together. This should be enough motivation to knock himself into shape and get on the straight and narrow (if its not then cut him loose).
You can still be really good parents, don't let this knock your confidence. Just put your baby first and show everyone just what good parents you can be. By the time your baby is old enough to say 'daddy' I'm sure your boyfriend will be out.
Good luck.
2007-09-29 10:19:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, figure out if these are offences that will happen again, and if you think they might in the slightest way, leave him alone. He isn't worth putting your baby and yourself through the pain. And your fiance obviously needs to go to jail. He may have sorted his life out, but he still made a bad mistake ( hopefully a mistake) and now, he has to deal with it in the mature way and face his consequences.
I'm sorry that things are so hard on you, and i can't exactly preach to you about leaving him because he's going to jail for a bit. Since that doesn't in any way, make him a bad fiance or father, or member of society, ( unless it was something like murder, than i've got a totally different answer for you).
I can't express enough how sorry i am your in this predicament, but just keep your stick on the ice and take care of that baby. Is it possible you could hire someone to help you raise the baby? Like a nanny? Goodluck sweetheart, and make your decision not according to your emotions okay? Because they are usually make matters worse. Name that baby something nice you hear?
And tell your fiance, to work on being the best man he can be for you and his baby while he's in prison and out, and to keep his stick on the ice as well. You and your family are in my prayers <3
2007-09-28 22:52:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not going to be easy but from what you say, you intend to stand by your boyfriend. It will be hard for him too. Sadly you will not get much sympathy so now's the time to find a support network. From family members, friends who will be there for you.
You say you fear social workers might take your baby away because you have a disability. I don't know kind of disability you refer to but if you are in Britain you can contact prisoners families associations. Most prisons have a poster with a contact number (If not all of them) and calling them means you will get support as well as advice on issues that cause you to worry.
You can also contact Gingerbread the one-parent family association. I had a few contacts with them when patients of mine had a partner in prison. They were very helpful to them.
I can imagine that right now it looks to you as though your whole world's crumbled down but it is only a temporary feeling and you can redress the situation, both for yourself and baby who can sense his mummy's worried and stressed.
So check out those contact numbers, call them and get advice. Become pro active for yourself and baby and when you do that! You'll feel more energetic and show social work and any other official body/Person that you can not only cope! But cope very well.
Best wishes
2007-09-28 23:39:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be positive - you should ask for help from social services for you and your baby, if they understand your anxieties the last thing they will do is take your baby away but will provide support for you to cope on your own. Your boyfriend is now paying his debt to society and there is no reason why you can't get your lives together again when he comes out. He may be out in less time for good behaviour and I'm sure he will want to for your sake and his unborn child's.
2007-09-28 22:11:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont listen to the adoption ****. Wot an arsehole that said that!!! You will cope(even though its the hardest thing in the world), when you have the baby, things will fall into place. Then eventually your fiance will come out and go from there. Try not 2 worry and think 15mnths down the line, take each day as it comes and concentrate on you and the little one.
All the best.
2007-09-29 02:22:25 · answer #5 · answered by kl240 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have a son who is 3 and disabled i have no family and his dad walked out last year believe me you find it in yourself to cope you get days where you think you cant cope but you have to for the sake of your child.
Social services wont take your child off you unless they think you will be a risk to your child.
im the same im very angry at my husband for walking out not only did he walk out he cheated on me and got some old tart pregnant too this is his 4th child by his 4th different women im just the stupid sucked that married him.
I promise you, you will cope just think to your self your fella is the one who will be missing out on the first months of his child and you need to keep strong for him too.
So chin up and just look forward to yur beautiful baby.
2007-09-28 22:44:29 · answer #6 · answered by smiff78 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as long as you are a good mother and dont do anything stupid they cant take our baby... and as for the guy, dont be mad at him, its not like he choose to go to prison,i mean yeah he commited the crime but like yousa id a long time ago and he has straightened out since then, he will prob do half the time and be home to help you bfore you know it.. yeah you will have the baby befor ehe gets out but not too long before, so just be strong for you and your baby, and for your old man and the relationship you have with him , be faithful and stick by his side, let him know you are waiting for him and dont be mad at him, give him props for cleaning up his life and doing right, its just old times catching up and now that it has, it is taken care of, would you rather your child be 3 or 4 and have to watch th ecops arrest him? no!!! so its water under a very very tall brifge..let it go and keep your head, sorry for your luck but congrats on the baby and finding a "good" man!! or at least a man who is finally good!!!
2007-09-28 22:41:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if u have a disability should u really have got pregnant? but its to late for that now , you need to read Dr Spock and have faith in yourself, do you have family support? if you keep your self , your baby and home clean,tidy and healthy then social services will have no reason to take your baby away , best of luck
2007-09-29 00:48:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
once a Cheater continuously a cheater. You reported so your self "i'm in order that bored stiff with him" you understand your answer. chop up. interior the rustic him having sex with a 15 old is rape even if she had to have sex. Who is known with of ways many different females he had sex with formerly he met you.
2016-10-20 03:56:33 · answer #9 · answered by mcgoon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SS have NO reason to take your baby unless you put him/her at risk. In fact, if you keep in close contact with them they will arrange help for you!! They arn't ogres! Good luck with the birth :)
2007-09-28 22:11:29 · answer #10 · answered by Sal*UK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋