I think I want to change who my maid of honor is?

Question

I told one of my friends that she can be my maid of honor, but I dont think that she can be up to that duty, shes always busy, and seems a little distant to me these days. I want a different friend of mine to be the MOH now. How can I let her down gently? or should i just give her a chance?

Answer 1

Has she incurred expenses yet, such as buying a dress? If yes, you may not ask her to step down unless you are prepared to reimburse her for all monetary outlay connected with her MOH position.

Usually these problems are rooted in differing sets of expectations. The MOH expects to pay for her dress, attend the rehearsal, and be available all day on the Big Day. The bride expects the MOH to help her address invitations, shop for cakes, host a shower, assemble favors, organize a staggette party, and just generally be a "go-fer." The MOH, unpleasantly surprised by these requests (demands?) for services and monetary outlay becomes "always busy" and "a little distant."

You need to make a detailed list of every task, every expense, every duty, that you expect your MOH to assume. Tell her that the miscommunication was YOUR fault (when there are conditions attached to an honor, you should make sure those conditions are understood when offering the honor) and that there will be no hard feelings on YOUR part if she'd rather be a beloved guest than a member of the wedding party. You apologize for putting her in this awkward position.

It is not a matter of "letting her down gently" or "giving her a chance" -- it is a matter of your (accidently, and without malice of course!) not being quite clear what you expected of your MOH and being sorry for it.

Answer 2

You really shouldnt do that. First I would ask you if perhaps you are demanding a lot of her, and thats why she is "distant"? Shes your MOH, but the only requirement of that job is to stand next to you. So you shouldnt expect anything more- if she does more for you, bonus! If she never returns your calls and hasnt bought her dress, that sort of thing, then I think you should have a talk with her and give her a chance to step down, rather than you demote her. You could say something like "I would understand if you cant commit to being my MOH, I realize it is a big job and you are busy."

Answer 3

Unless you have very good grounds, it would be INCREDIBLY tacky to revoke such an honor. If you're feeling insecure as to her being 'there' for you how you think you'll need her to be...simply ask her..." Hey "Julie" you know how excited and nervous I am about this wedding. I am totally going to have to rely on my MOH to be there to support me during all these different occasions (list your expectations, shopping, fittings, showers, dinners, whatever you expect). I asked you to be my MOH because I love our friendship and you are just perfect at helping me feel good. But I have to ask, are you sure I can rely on your being availible at all these events? I'm starting to get overwhelmed just thinking about things and well, if it's too much for me to ask you to continually drop everything else than I could understand. You could still be in the wedding party, just...I REALLY need to know my MOH is gonna be SOLID for me...everyday until this thing is done, you know? So what do you think? It's not too late to switch things up a bit, if that's what YOU would prefer."
Something like that. Just let her know how freaked out YOU are and just really need a solid commitment of time, time, time...Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

I have a friend who had a similiar situation. She had several bridesmaids so what she did was she asked on of the other bridesmaids to be her MOH. But she still kept the other one as well. She had two and everything worked out perfect for her. One did all the work (the second one) but she didn't have to hurt anyones feelings that way.

I also had another friend who had a MOH who wasn't cutting it so she picked one of her bridesmaids to be the Chief Bridesmaid to basically be the MOH's assistant which also worked out very well.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

You shouldnt really change your mind now... but I guess you could bring up the situation to your current MOH... tell her that you are concerned that she doesnt have the time for it... she may agree and say "pick someone else, I'll just be a bridesmaid" or she may say "no I will work hard to do what you need me to do"... your problems may be solved then... but definitely dont just flat up say, "I'm considering another MOH".... its not a job interview...

Good luck!

Answer 6

First talk to your current MOH. Let her know if she is too busy to fulfill the duties you will NOT have any hard feelings towards her backing out of the position.

IF she says she can do it, give her a chance.

IF she steps down, then go ahead and ask someone else.

Answer 7

well the first thing you need to do is talk to her personally, be honest to her & tell her the things you want to say. For example, You know what I miss you now a days... I'm wondering if you have time for helping me in my wed, (make a joke) coz your not doing your duty being my MOH. Hehehe.

I do hope i helped. Good luck! : )

Answer 8

The MOH's job is to help throw shower and be there for you the day of the wedding. You don't replace her because she happens to be busy with other things in her life. If you need help, hire a wedding planner.

Answer 9

Let her try. Ask her to help you with some things.you might find that she prioritises for you. If not and you really need her input just say to her "I'm finding this really overwhelming and feel I need alot of support, I know you are busy and you can't just leave off your life for me, would it be easier for you if I get .....(insert name of other girl you want) to help me out with the maid of honour things?"
She with either step up to the duties or let you change MOH.

Answer 10

enable me ask you this do you care approximately your friendship in any respect? Are you comfortable with hurting your dating together with her? in case you do no longer probable care what happens on your friendship then by skill of all skill replace her. believe me in this one you attempt changing her on your wedding ceremony you may replace her as a pal besides. If she hasn't executed something incorrect different than for no longer assisting you intend your wedding ceremony (making plans the marriage isn't her interest, it is your and your fiance's interest) then i could heavily re-examine asking her to step down. All she rather has to do is get her gown and manifest. a astonishing maid of honor could have the skill to do errands and such for you once you ask and an amazing MOH would be excited and in a position to help you to plot the marriage. My fiance had an argument along with his superb guy. the excellent guy replaced into my fiance's brother and he had problems with their father so the besat guy stored giving my husbands situations (I.E. i'll basically get waiting with you if our father isn't there). So ultimately my husband informed him "no it is my wedding ceremony and you may handle the shown fact that our father would be around, in case you may no longer then you definately can't be my superb guy" He left the alternative as much as his brother and his brother elected to no longer be his superb guy. they at the instant are not conversing through fact his brother felt like my husband kicked him out, which replaced into no longer the case in any respect. the two way even being given the choice to step down drove a wedge between my husband and his brother. that's totally unhappy and if he wasn't being so unreasonable the alternative could have by no skill even been posed to him. My element is this would reason a ton of unnecesarry drama you're able to do merely slightly something greater to your cousin or supply her a particular present or make a toast on the rehersal dinner or the marriage the place you thank your bridesmaids, thank your MOH and then say slightly something greater approximately your cousin and how she helped you the completed time.