Sex - be honest?

Question

Once you start having to force yourself to spice up your sex life, isn't it really all downhill from there? I hear people say that their sex life is still awesome after 10 yrs with the same partner, but aren't they really just lying to themselves? Don't we all know that sex is the very best it's going to be in the first few years of a relationship? You don't NEED to try and spice things up then, they are pre-spiced, ready to go. I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of answers saying that there are a lot of things a person can do to "keep the fires burning" but my point is that once you consciously start working on keeping those fires burning, you've entered into the downhill territory, haven't you? It doesn't mean you don't love that person anymore, of course. It's just that the sex is NOT going to ever be AS HOT as it was in the first years of the relationship. (Not that I expect that kind of sex now, 10 yrs later. I'm just saying it seems like no one wants to admit that the fire fades)

Rachel J: My partner and I have tried all kinds of things over the years, things that even our wild friends have been shocked by. I don't ask this question because either of us are boring in the sack or because we lack creativity. My point is not that you cannot have wonderful sex after a long time in a relationship, but that later on it sometimes takes actual work and you have to put in effort to keep up the pace and passion you originally had. Show me someone who has been married for 10 + yrs and has not had to work at keeping the fires burning at times. I don't think that person exists. Just my opinon.

MJ's Girl: Not saying that only new sex is good. Just saying that as time goes on you will find yourself having to put effort into something that was once effortless. But to reiterate...I do not mean to say that good sex can't be had later on in a relationship. Just saying that most people HATE to admit to themselves that sex does change over the years with the same person. They think saying that means you've given up on your sex life or there's no hope left. Doesn't mean that, its's just being honest.

Answer 1

I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING BECAUSE YOU BECOME SO USED TO YOUR PARTNERS TECHNIQUES AND 'NEW' THINGS. :)

Answer 2

I suppose it depends on how you really look at it. To me, it's all part of the relationship to spice things up..i mean, it's natural for the fire to die a little....that's what makes relationships such a challenge. And no..i don't think things are pre-spiced and ready to go. If you're really in love with that particular person..and still are after 10 years...then u shudn't look @ the relationship so negatively. It's all a learning process...think of it as getting to know that person all over again and you'll find that spark that was once there, u know? It's different for everybody...but it's not always the case when things are HOT within the first few years...to me...it's later on in the relationship that could be the best part coz u know that person really well..know how to please them & they know how to please you back.

Answer 3

It's not that things go downhill, but that things change. And no, that's not a way of saying that they suck in code. Of course, new sex is great, because it's new. But old sex can be great in a different and even better way. If you have true compatibility, sex after, say, 10 years with someone could be even more awesome because you know each other and what the other wants. It's like customized, fine-tuned sex - perfect! I think that only truly compatible people are capable of it and that's why you don't hear about it too often.

It's too simplistic to say that only new sex is good sex.

Answer 4

The fire fades only if you let it. And adding spice doesn't necessarily mean that things are going downhill - though in lots of cases it is. Some people just need that extra oomph to keep the fires burning and some of us are so into sex that the fire never dies down. i guess it all depends on how much keeping the fires going in the first place is to you. To me starting spicey and staying spicey is the key - never to let it get into that down time.

Answer 5

The longer your SO has been with you, the more they will understand precisely what works best and is most pleasurable for your heart, soul, mind, AND of course, body,and vice versa.

Practice makes perfect, and just as any instrumentalist will tell you, the longer you are acquanted, not just with your instrument in general, but the specific instrument that you purchase and play on everyday, the better you get, the better you get to know it, and the more your technique, tone, and musicianship will increase!

So to with relationships. Good luck. You can't really diss it (good sex in a long term relationship) if you haven't yet tried it!

Answer 6

Um, your wrong...and small separations are kind of fun if you realize that the time spent away for a couple weeks or so will make your passion re-ignite...as will someone else showing intrest in stealing your mate. You have no idea the depths and changes that are within a sexual relationship if you are even asking this question...get out and play more. Sex gets BETTER with practice, and with knowing what stimulates your partner and continuously diving into new adventures together...hehe, your so funny.

Answer 7

Consider.

The longer your SO has been with you, the more they will understand precisely what works best and is most pleasurable for your heart, soul, mind, AND of course, body,and vice versa.

Practice makes perfect, and just as any instrumentalist will tell you, the longer you are acquanted, not just with your instrument in general, but the specific instrument that you purchase and play on everyday, the better you get, the better you get to know it, and the more your technique, tone, and musicianship will increase!

So to with relationships. Good luck. You can't really diss it (good sex in a long term relationship) if you haven't yet tried it!

Answer 8

oh, sex changes, all right. It gets BETTER!! When you are a kid its all awkward fumbles, jam it in hard, thrust a few times and coming too fast. Fear, embarrassment, pain, shame and danger.
But with my husband we grow more involved, more intimate and aware of each-other all the time. As you grow more mature and aware of your sexuality, the world of sexual experience gradually opens up for you. As we get deeper in our relationship, everything just adds to our great sex life. Sometimes we have sex for days at a time. DAYS. It isn't a matter of "spicing it up" or "keeping the fires burning" its about giving yourself to your partner, growing closer and more intimate as time goes on, becoming part of them in a way that isn't possible when you hardly know anything about them.
I feel sorry for you if your sex life is going down hill, but not everyone's does.

Answer 9

I've been married for 10 years. at about year two through year three, our sex life went to nearly nothing. I figured out that she liked it when I forced myself onto her and it got a lot better after that. She started listening to Dr. Laura and some how or another that made her feel bad and she got a lot better about a lot of things. Now, we have a great marrage. Since I got laid off, I've gone back to school and I'm out of town during the week and you cant imagine the friday nights we have. :)

Answer 10

Don't work on the sex. Work on the love. Being together and doing it right doesn't just happen. It takes effort and time. Put the time into building the love every week. The payoff is constant great sex. No toys, no fantasies. Just fantastic love and the fantastic sex that naturally follows. Yes really!!

Answer 11

It depends on what you mean by needing to spice it up. Many people love and have fun with the same person for many years. Add new games, watch new movies together, try new toys together. The key is communicating your needs and desires and enjoying the company of the person you promised to love forever.