what would you do in my situation?

Question

i would like to know what people would do in my situation. I am from France and my mother seems not to like my fiancee. I think it is because of her past with my father. I was born in France but my mother was born in Tunisia. She is very old school. I am currently visiting my fiancee in new york and I am only here for 10 days because my mother told me that I would not be welcomed back home. I love my mother and i love my Fiance. My mother thinks that My fiancee is trying to put me against her. That is not the truth. He wants me to do what i think is best for me . He love me and I love him. I want to marry him. I just wish my mother would like him. HE wants me to make the decision because of my age. I am 28 yrs old. I have close ties with my mother and my family but I want to start my life with my fiance but I do not want to lose my mother. I also don't want to lose my fiancee. we have been traveling to see each other for 4 yrs now we want to start but my mother does not agree

Answer 1

Tell your mother that you refuse to choose between her and your fiance. That you want both of them in your life, and that if she chooses not to have you in her life, there's nothing you can do about it. Then if she chooses to cut you off, there's nothing else you can do. But, you can tell her that you will always love her, and that you will always be there for her - if she chooses to allow you back in her life, it will be on the condition that she accepts your fiance too. You are an adult, are you willing to let your fiance go? Your mother is being controlling and unreasonable.

Answer 2

I think your mother is acting more in the way of, she feels if she agrees with the relationship with your boyfriend, that she'll lose you,because you'll move to his country and she won't see you as often then, and it could also be a motherly instinct that she see's your boyfriend totally differently then how you see him, and she may be afraid of how the relationship will be down the road!!! Like you said your father!!!

But you are 28 years old, so you are an adult and must make your own choices in life now, You can't live the rest of your life on what your mother feels is right for you or not! You are your own life now, and your free to do what ever you want, and your Mother must respect your wishes in life!!!

She has to learn to let go of you! And to let you be happy and not interfer in your relationship that you want so dealy! Her days of raising you are long gone! Everything you do in life now are your own choices and you don't need mom's approval anymore! She will either have to except it, or lose out on grandchildren etc. it's her choice to not except the relationship! but it's also your choice to keep the relationship! it's not her right to interfer!

Answer 3

Sweetie, at some point, you have to stand on your own two feet and make decisions as an ADULT, not based on a childish need for your parent's acceptance. I understand it's difficult but you know you've really grown up when you can make decisions for yourself. You're old enough at this point. Your mother has to understand that it's not HER life to live. You are an adult now and all she should want is for you to be happy. If she can't accept him, then I would have a very harsh talk with her. I would say "this is the man I love and will be spending my life with. He will be my family and you can either love him as I do or we will not be in your life." There comes a time to stand up to one's parents and form your OWN family.

Answer 4

You are 28.
If you plan on getting married, please do so when the opportunity arises. If you plan on having kids, you need to do that when you are relatively young.
You can't do either one of these things while living with your mother.
Chances are, after you are settled in wedded bliss and have a child or two, your mother will accept him. You just gotta jump. This is your life.

Answer 5

You cannot be your mother's little girl for the rest of your life. Sit down with her and explain why things are going to be the way you want them to be. You are going to marry your fiance. You are going to have your mother help you plan the wedding and to sit right up front. His father will escort you down the aisle and she will escort your fiance. Tell her all of this nicely. If you can't convince her, it is her loss. Tell her you love her and you want her grandchildren to know their grand-mama. That is her choice. Your choice is to offer to include her or to just exclude her.

Answer 6

The hardest thing for a mother is to lose her kids to marriage. your mother will not only lose you to marriage but a whole ocean apart! I really feel for your mom. but, at 28 you are old enough to make your own decisions. assure her you will come back to visit, and you will count on her to visit you too.
good luck!

Answer 7

Your mom is too attached to you.You can't control how she feels or what she does, so don't feel guilty about living your life. You've been doing this thing for 4 years. Time to move on with your fiance

Answer 8

I would be with the fiance. If your mother really loves you she won't disown you. If she does then she has some major issues and ultimately will be the one to suffer the most.

Answer 9

I understand and respect your dilemma. The best solution is to have your fiancee family to meet your family. Your mom has to really experience your man in person. If she continue to demise him, then you have to promise your vow to him.

Your mom shouldn't put you in this position to begin with. If there's any truth to it, then she needs to talk to your fiancee about it...
God bless.

Answer 10

your mom is pulling a guilt trip on you, because she doesn't want to loose you. Tell her she will not. But you need to spread your wings and fly.