Life has gotten worse for me... help?

Question

Ever since my brother left for Japan (school thing, lasts 3 months - til end of November), things have been odd around my house. My mom's been working twice as much since she's gone back to working in her old area of nursing as well as what she recently trained in. and as a result my ex-military-commander-of-30-years dad has been around. Within the last month we've fought and bickered and yelled more than we ever have altogether.
I went into a sort of depression because it felt like no one wanted to listen or cared. It lasted a week, but it comes and goes now.

It seems like everything I do is wrong to my dad, like today we fought twice in under two hours (more like yelling back and forth). He doesn't realize he's intense and thinks it's just everyone else that has a problem, not him. He's been retired for 2 years and hasn't been out much, just some Rotary and occasional errands, and as a result he's been worse.

What can I do? I feel stuck in an off an on depression...

My dad was never around much when I was a kid either, the occasional baseball game (like, the Ottawa Lynx when I lived there), but now since he's retired he's been like, trying to do more...
He was more into work, focused on it and such, so we never really got the hard end of his intensity. My mom's broken down a few times because of it as well (it's not just me, it's my mom, me, and my brother).

We've contemplated ganging up on him, but that would make it worse most likely because he doesn't believe us now, and he wouldn't be very happy if we did end up doing that... he'd get even more pissy than he can get.

Oh, and my dad gave up on telling my brother what to do, yelling at him, etc. because after 3 years of attempting (from when my bro was 13 - 16), since my brother was quick (witty and just quick to find loopholes).
I'm 15 now, and my dad's been all hard on trying to FORCE me to be responsible since I was 12. He did the same to my brother but gave up (like I said), and now I'm being compared to how 'self disciplened and motivated' he is (by my dad. My mom comes to defense when this pops up).

sometimes when I do everything and I'm just lounging around, my dad will walk in and start yelling about how something's wrong (it's just since retirement. I think it's out of boredom on his part). He takes it to the next level... once he said 'get the recycle done at a normal time for once!' and I was like 'I'm sorry if I'm different', AS I am finishing the recycle, and he said, and I so can't believe it (but I ignore these kinds of comments from him, as I'm constantly told even though I know)... he said 'Then quit being different and be normal for once!'

one of our MANY fights is about exercise. He's on the treadmill (in this room), every day unless he takes his daily 4 mile+ walk with our dog (it varies day to day depending on how often he feels he has to take her out).
On many occasions he's made it clear how I appear...
Once he bluntly said I was fat and needed to get out more (and I do, but nothing I do meets his expectations unless it's like, a concert in music. Almost everything is 'That was great BUT...'. He's like, never proud unless I'm doing something I worked for months on that I never wanted to do in the first place (my Grade 4 RCM exam, music fest, etc, mainly my music).

I'm 15 (just turned 15 a few days ago).
My mom doesn't like working so much actually (we talk a lot when she's off). We've got a few trips coming up (we're going to France with my school for example. She's already got enough from what she's told me but she keeps going), and she openly says that she feels down and busy every day she's off (busy every day, occasionally down in the dumps). Honestly, if it wasn't for her, I don't think I'd be living in this house with dad anymore.

Answer 1

As you said, your Dad is an ex-military. Military people are kinda intense as they are trained to obey their superiors without qustions. It'll be hard on your Dad as he still hasn't got used to the fact that he's living a normal life now and that he got other people to care for. I suggest to talk to your Dad, get his point of view and please try to understand him. It would be best if you and your Dad have a counseling sesion together, then the both of you will be able to understand why the opposition thinks of you this way. And get him to exercise more, play some sports even. Or even better, get him hooke up with other ex-military people and let them talk about their old times together. This would loosen him up. Good luck!

Answer 2

Your dad needs something to fill his life... and TAG you are IT until your brother gets back. Perhaps you could suggest that he run a boy scout troop or little league team? How about volunteering at the school ROTC programs?

I don't know how old you are, but you should consider spending as much time away from the house as you can... it looks like your mom is already doing just that.

You can participate in more school activities, you can study at a friend's house, you can get a job (or make one) that will take you away from there (and make some $$$).
The trick is to get your chores at home done, and keep your studies/grades up so you don't get in trouble, and do your best to keep a low profile.

Answer 3

Since your dad won't listen to how you feel, try writing him a letter. Fighting is stressful, so instead of trying to be right, choose to be happy. If your father and you have a disagreement, ask ourself if being right is more important than avoiding the fight. Also tke into onsierationthat your father may be suffering from an empty nest type issue since your brother left.

Also, maybe call a family meeting and ask everyone what is goign on and how they feel. Giving everyone a cance to tlak about how they feel may help.

Answer 4

Your father is probably wondering why the two of you fight also. He has spent years having people obey him without question in the military and may just not know how to relate to you. try not to take it personally (which is hard). And if you are missing your mom and your brother write them notes (or e-mails/texts) it may sound silly but it will give you a connection with them. When my wife and I were working opposite shifts and didnt see each other much we left little post it notes for each other and it really helped.

Answer 5

you and your family need to have a talk ... your brother being gone for 3 months for school has put a drain on everyone ... your mom is hiding her loss by working and your dad by getting on your last nerve.

sit down and talk to your dad tell him how your feeling ... tell him that you feel as if your walking on eggshells around him and that you can only be one person ... yourself and that he needs to try and adjust to family ... if he hasn't been around much than he has no idea how to deal with family.

Answer 6

I would leave and never go back.. if possible