I love my mother in law, I just don't agree with her lifestyle. She left her husand for another man, and now left this new guy. She has no place to go right now and has occasionally stayed with us. She sits on my couch, drinks wine and smokes cigarettes constantly (she does it o our patio, but it is a small apartment and i am pregnant...it bothers me) She tries to give me advice and bad mouths her ex's all the time,drunkinly rambles and tells me how great of a son she has and how lucky I am (not saying I am not lucky, but her baby boy ain't that perfect....) all while she is drunk off wine. How do I nicely say "you can't stay here" and "I don't need your help with my baby" with out sounding too bitchy?
2007-09-28 17:04:36 · 9 answers · asked by Lexie J 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i would sit down with your husband first and tell him how you feel in case she asks him about all of this to get a second opinion. Then I would tell her that you can no longer afford to have her staying with you, you are sorry but it's getting hard....(she sounds like my grandmother withe the whole guy thing, so I have kinda been through this kind of thing....). I would also remove the wine and cigarettes from the house and tell her that she can no longer do that in your home or on your property....
2007-09-28 17:12:57 · answer #1 · answered by amyhwoods 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is your husband's department, and the first thing you should do is dump it all in his lap. Let him know exactly how you feel. It's hard to come between a man and his mother, but you're his wife, you're pregnant, and soon he's going to be responsible for you *and* your child. He has to step up now.
It's hard enough to live with a relative even if they're the perfect guest, especially in a small apartment. The cigarettes and drunkenness and rambling only make matters worse. You shouldn't have this type of stress in your home right now. She's his mother, and it's his responsibility to get her out.
2007-09-29 00:12:31 · answer #2 · answered by Lauren Em 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have your husband talk to her about it, she might be less hurt if it comes from him. You could give her an option to stop drinking and smoking in your apartment or leave. Or you could just express your concern for the environment in your apartment and how it could be affecting your unborn child. Let her know that her lifestyle just isn't working with yours and your husbands. Good luck.
2007-09-29 00:15:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ouch... this is tough, isn't it? I think you need your husband's help. If you are able to talk to him about it honestly, then maybe he can give you some advice as to how to approach her. Or maybe he can communicate to her himself.
In any case, there is no use trying to talk to her when she has been drinking. It has to be BEFORE she shows up the next time. Just avoid being with her so much... then the few times she does show up you may be able to handle it. Good luck.
2007-09-29 00:16:41 · answer #4 · answered by mmmark 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have your guy talk to her. It will sound better coming from him than from you. Have him let her know that both of you have discussed the situation, and that she is not welcome to stay with you if she is drinking and smoking all the time, as that is not the kind of lifestyle you want your (unborn) baby exposed to. Let her know that you are not pushing her out of your lives and the baby's life, but that you are just pushing her out of your house until she can get herself together if she chooses to do so.
2007-09-29 00:09:15 · answer #5 · answered by AnnaBanana 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like she just does not care. you need to talk it over with your man and you 2 need to site down with her and talk to her and maybe that will work because from what you said it seems like she doesnt care that you are pregnant and doesn't care about the health of your baby and if you and your man talk to her and she doesnt listen tell her she has a few days to leave and if shes not out you will make her get out. i know that you love her and doing that would be hard but you need to think about your unborn baby. well hope this helped. email me if you need more advice.
2007-09-30 19:36:40 · answer #6 · answered by john 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You remind her that you love her, and then you tell her to get a grip and get on with her life. The first thing she needs to do is get her own place and you have some suggestions from today's paper. You'll even volunteer to go with her to look at the place.
She'll be upset at first, then she'll thank you.
2007-09-29 00:10:41 · answer #7 · answered by ipi4u 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hubby's got to get off his wimpy butt and take care of this for you. The smoking thing is easy to get across. That alone should do it. Hard drinkers don't like being without their cigarettes......
2007-09-29 00:26:54 · answer #8 · answered by Carl R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way to say it is to have your husband tell his mother.
It is his mother and his Job to speak to her about her behavior. No matter how nice or what you say you will be
wrong. It will work out better for all if he tells her.
2007-10-02 10:33:47 · answer #9 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋