teenage son?

Question

my teenage son got grounded for two weeks. But during his grounding he has not come home from school until late and sneaked out twice during the weekend. How can i make him stay home and accept his punishment?

Answer 1

If he is not in his bed and has left the house without you knowing call the police. Tell them you have no idea where he is and that he was "all of the sudden" missing. When they find him you shouldn't have to worry about him doing it again.

I know that the police have better things to do with their time, but if you really want to make an impression on him...

Answer 2

Abbey: I have just lived through what you are right now. Ours has finally grown up some and finally made some responsible decisions. May I offer my humble advice as all these guys are different, but maybe not so different.

Ours first was caught smoking cigarette on the roof. We are an extremely NON-smoking family so this was shocking! (Thinking about that now almost makes me smile knowing where we went from there) Then came drugs, (marijuana and sharing friends adderall) sneaking out the house at night and skipping school. The drug issue was the most serious as everyone around here seems to be playing with ESCTASY and/or heroin. Lecturing; screaming, pleading; grounding only seemed to feed his defiance. He used our angry energy to dish it back to us. I got to the place that when I caught him with cigarettes or a pipe or whatever the drug of choice that week was, I hold out my hand take the contraband and throw it out and not say a word. It didn't stop much but it did shock him. And, I think he began to see we weren't the enemy.
You really can't hold a 15, 16, 17 yr old hands and control everything he does at this point. If he does not want to abide by your discipline (which is really for instruction not uncomfortable inconvenience) there is not much you can do.
We spoke to many different people - even had him at weekly counseling; but the only advice that seemed to pan out was this: He wasn't a bad kid in general; we had not had any trouble from him prior to age 15. He did have some learning disabilities and these seemed to hinder his social growth and decision making ability as well. We were told we needed to hope and pray to keep him alive until he matured which may be a bit longer than most.
We have had a happier ending to these teenaged years. Asking him to leave our house when he refused to obey our guidelines at 18 yrs was the hardest we have ever done. But he came home after a month - went back to school part time and obtained a job the other half time. Doing a job he felt he succeeded at and very close calls with the police helped wake him up. Don't be afraid of the police; BUT don't every stop praying for THEIR wisdom and for your son.

John White's book is EXCELLENT. Practical, no-nonsence, covers every imaginable senario; lying, stealing cheating, drugs; most helpful is a parent's view of the role of the police in your child's llfe

I pray you and yours can weather the storm and that it is a small squall that ends safety. :-) .

Answer 3

Just make it harsher. Talk to him about why he is doing these things. Why did he get grounded in the first place? What do you want him to learn? If nothing else works watch him like a hawk and embarrass him if you have to. Drive him to and from school.

Some kids have an easier time with practical punishment. For example; Johnny didn't turn in his homework for an entire semester. Well, Johnny has to do all of the homework he missed without a chance to turn it back in. Lisa got caught smoking pot. Get her into community service. Show her what happens when these things really happen. Visit a jail.

I reacted better when there was a goal to accomplish whether or not I liked it. That way, while I was restricted I knew I had to to ____ in order to be off restriction. My future was in my hands. It was up to me to decide how long I was going to be 'in trouble.'


la puta de tu madre--I commend this woman for coming on here and asking. I think it's a very ignorant idea to think we should all know what to do in all situations. If she didn't care or if she wasn't in control she wouldn't be asking the quesiton. She wouldn't be trying to work hard in order to make the punishment work. So, if you don't have any advice why even answer a question? What is the point in kicking somone when they are down?

Answer 4

Teenagers are a tough cookie.. Sounds like your son has WAY too much idle time on his hands.. The best way to combat this is to get him involved in some after school activities whether it's sports, music, theatre he needs something to occupy his time.. OR he needs to get a part time after school job.. Either way he needs something else to keep him busy... Grounding isn't going to help with anything... I would be very, very worried if I were you... Speaking from experience I have a sister/brother that were basically allowed to do whatever they wanted.. They never participated in extra curricular activities or had to get pt. jobs and they ended up in jail multiple times.. .My sister got pregnant at 15 and my brother is 21 and gotten his former gf. pregant and now has a baby.. I on the other hand was always involved in extra-curricular activities/ and had a part-time job from the time I was 16 and I'm happily married w/ two planned children... I believe that NOT having idle time kept me from getting into trouble.... Good luck

Answer 5

Remove his bedroom door off the hinges...no privacy. Caulk his windows shut - he'd have a hard time getting thru that. Call the school and have him placed in detention until you're able to pick him up from school.

You have a lot more on your hands than making this boy stay home and accept his punishment. Be VERY proactive and possibly look into family counseling.

Good luck!

Answer 6

My Mum did with my brother when he was 15-16 his room was an absolute pigsty. I don’t even think it seen the light of day for 4years straight. He was out with some friends one day and my mum was sick to death of his room being a pigsty so she got in and striped his bed sheets, dooner cover, curtains, clothes from the floor, clothes in the wardrobe and washed everything. Through out anything and everything that she thought he didn’t need, cleaned his whole room top to bottom – found dirty clothes, mugs, cups, plates, old pizza boxes, drink bottles, beer bottles. She was less than impressed. When he came home he went psycho and my Mum said ‘if it gets that disgusting again, ill take absolutely everything out of that room, throw it on the front lawn, change the lock and keys and you can f*ck off else where because I will not have a disgusting mess like that EVER again in my house’. And his now 21 and I don’t think I seen his room a mess until the day he left after his 21st birthday in August last year! Sometimes its one smell combining with another, sometimes its just one disgusting smell.. Who knows, there is probably dead mice or something in there if it is that much of a pigsty. When his out just go through his room and clean it from top to bottom – he’ll soon learn to keep his room clean!

Answer 7

The truth is he is really going to do what he wants to do. I had two teen boys. When they didn't like the rules they ran away for a couple of days. When they came back with their tales between their legs I let them know the rules are the same and the punishment they thought they could elude was doubled. I gave them a choice, in my house my rules. I loved them to death and they knew it and I let them know how much they hurt me, but that they don't get to be in charge until they can get there own place. I had two really very good boys and I knew them and I knew this was the best way to handle them. This may not be the best for your son. Being a parent is a slipper slope.

Answer 8

pick him up from school and drop him off, keep an eye on him or have someone keep an eye on him all the time. Make him feel like he barely has any privacy, he'll hate it and probably not do w/e he did to get grounded again (and he wont be able to sneak out!)

Answer 9

It really depends on what he did. I'm only thirteen so I know a little bit of what it's like. Although I don't get grounded much, and when I do it's becuase my mom is stupid. And just yells at me for nothing and...well not my life story here.
IF it was something small or stupid, just make it accept it, there's no way you can just punish and hope it works....
IF he did something crazy you need to get a handle on your child! Ground him, take all of his electronics, don't let him go anywhere, lock his windows(from the outisde)and put a lock (outside lock) on door. He's not getting out anymore.

Answer 10

Get into family therapy. You can't "make" a teenage boy do anything. He's disobedient and disrespectful. Whatever you've been doing, it isn't successful. You're going to need help with this one.

LATER: Good lord! Check out Greener is Better's answer. The thirteen-year-old is the toughest one here. :)

LATER LATER: .vato.: Totally agree with your words to puta de madre. Kudos to the asker for caring and seeking out information.