Will I ever get over my mother's negative influence?

Question

My mom and grandmother went shopping and my mom disappeared leaving me with my grandmother. She didn't come back for a while ( a few years).

And when she did come back, it wasn't to be with me. She was hooked on drugs and needed to stay with my grandmother.

When she was around (she went to prison twice) our relationship was more of brother-sister (and barely that).

And since she was on drugs and hooking, one thing she instilled in me was that looks were everything. When I was 14, she asked me if I was hard (down there). I said no. Then she said, "I hope you have it better than your father." So, from that point on, I came to believe that women cared only about your physical appearance and sexual prowess.

So that's why I'm such a shallow bastard, if any of you have checked out my other posts.

I was sexually abused, but definitely mentally. These are only some of the early experiences with my mom.

Will I ever get over it, or am I scarred for life?

Sorry, I meant to say I was NOT sexually abused...

And I have to admit, I hate my mother with all of my heart and I hope she dies a horrible death...

Answer 1

I'm so sorry to hear that your past experiences have been so painful but you are not damaged for life. Please connect with a very good and reputable professional therapist to help you heal from these negative influences. While you may never forget the things that happened you can learn to deal with them and move on with your life. Now that you are no longer a little kid no one has the power to influence your life without your permission. Also, if you insist on hating your mother then you are continuing to allow her to hurt you and forgiveness never means that you have to connect with a negative person as long as you live - it only frees you from that person. Forgiveness is not about her but it is about you and your future well-being. It's not going to be easy nor come quickly but you can overcome this thing!!!
Surround yourself with positive friends and family members and stay as far away as possible from anyone or anything that may not be in your best interests. I wish you a wonderful life filled with peace, joy and sincere love.

Answer 2

I Believe I Understand Somewhat It Is A Language Battle Amongst Others My Preference To The Extent I Can Engage In These Discussions Is To Assume That The Correct Label If Any Can Only Be Fairly Applied By The Labelee This Forum Suffers From A Surfeit Of Labellers

Answer 3

Its up to you if you carry the remains of your childhood around for life or if they bother you enough to do something about it. It is possible to grow beyond your experiences with time. A better, and definitely faster way is, to get some help from a counselor to work through the issues and get to the point where you make your own choices. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Wow, pretty harsh, I don't get along with my mother, however I would never wish a horrible death on her...... I just want her to get the help she needs.............. it's not so much that you get over it, your scared, you going to have bad memories of certain things, the thing that is important to remember is........ the choices you make, you can ask yourself the important questions.... like, the decision I'm about to make, how will it impact my life........ is what I'm doing productive...... what do I want to do the rest of my life......... etc........ then move on from there........Some people like to make the excuse , I had a horrible childhood and that is why I did what I did, or not do... I didn't go to college, because...........
That isn't a valid reason for me, i had a sucky childhood too, but the choices I made were all me.......... not my mothers, but my choices........
good luck with what you choose to do and become.

Answer 5

I'm sorry you had it so hard. It's tough when our parents don't give us what we need but instead hurt and disappoint us.

I think that the challenges you've faced are an opportunity for learning and growth. You could probably benefit from therapy. It won't be quick or easy, but it will be worth it.

Good luck.