I can't stand this deployment?

Question

My husband just left for Iraq. He joined the army against my wishes, and he has hated it personally. It's been terrible for our family. He doesn't believe in the war. I don't believe in the war. I have no friends. No family. My proffessor threatened to flunk me in class because I spent the last week with him and didn't attend lectures which I already understood. People won't listen to me. They don't really care. He's going to be gone for 15-18 months. I can't do it. I want to hurt myself. I want to die. If I starve myself, will they give him back? What if I break both my ankles? What if I make myself sick or try to induce a heart attack? Will they give him back? I'll do anything. I can't stand this. I came from an abusive home and now my husband is gone and I'm alone. I just want him back. I hate this war. I wish my family never got involved in it.

Answer 1

I understand how you feel. I'm sure a lot of people here will attack you. Like the guy who said you need professional help, whatever his wording. But this is really difficult because you didn't ask to be in this position, but you love your husband. It takes time, patience, strength and branching out to other people. There is support out there for you.

You can get through this. Send me a message and we can either chat through e-mail or myspace somewhere.

Answer 2

So there has been a hasty desion made ~Obviously~ and now their are all these issues and you are left with a huge mess that you feel like you are unable to deal with. I totally understand. Their was a massive short in your comunication, but the fact is you can't do anything about it. You can't get your husband to come home. You are stuck in a situation you don't like. You feel like you have no friends, and you have no family around you. You had a crappy childhood and you feel like your only way of cooping is to hurt yourself so you can finally release some of the pain.
But here's the thing, that wont help you honey. I'm sorry. I've been in your shoes and it's a lot. And it sucks. And what sucks worse is you can't do anything about it so you are stuck. You are stuck in this situation and you are stuck trying to figure it out. But you wanna know the good news? You can. You can trudge though all of this, you can reframe from hurting yourself, you can make this bearable. Is all you gotta do is ask.
Obviously you've been hurt in the past and from the sounds of it you're still lugging some of that around. You should take these 15 to 18 months to get counseling on some of your underlining issues so that you can deal with all these things in your life without feeling so over loaded. Try some yoga or a really intense work out to help relieve the stress your under.
Facing the facts is a good start. Now you just have to work your way out. keep your chin up and keep on trudging. The best of luck to you.

Answer 3

You need to get some counseling first of all.

One, no they will not send him home if you hurt yourself. They will commit you however.

Two, when you signed up for classes for college your professors usually gave you a detailed syllabus on what they expected. And they can lower your grade for attendance and it doesn't matter how much you already know in the class.

Three, if he doesn't believe in the war, why did he enlist? Did he think he was going to be one of the chosen ones that wouldn't deploy. In this time and age, you would be foolish to think you are not going to deploy.

Four, You need to get out more and make some friends. See about study groups with your classes, go to the gym, go to your FRG meetings, seek other military spouses, go to church, volunteer and meet some people that way.

Five, really get some help and talk to someone. Because he can't be worrying about you hurting yourself or you being depressed where he is going. He has other things he will need to concentrate on and your mental health is not one of them things he needs to be worrying about 24/7.

I am a military spouse for almost 13 years and am on my 3rd deployment to Iraq, not counting Korea tours, Egypt tours, and other field problems. We just go day by day and sometimes minute by minute. Just keep busy and keep focused.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I think you need some help girl ! They may send him home for emergency leave if you carry out one of these threats, but you could also drive him away. You are what can be called as 'high maintenance' and no soldier needs that to worry about when he has got other responsibility.

Many of us do believe this war is necessary. You are one of those who might agree if it were not so close to home. it's amazing how perspectives change, depending on how one is affected .

Your best bet would be to talk to a doctor, because you have some issues that will not be resolved on YA. I believe you are suffering from the pains of your childhood, and you feel like you are the proverbial victim. In some respects, you are. I can feel the pain in your writings, and you need a sympathetic shoulder to cry on.

I started this message with a some anger towards you, but as I re-read your story, I could feel your loneliness and sense of abandonment. I am leaving my earlier words in, so you can see the transition of my feelings for your sadness.

I don't get the impression that you have a actual question, but more the need to tell of your frustration and anxiety. I believe most of us can sympathize with you, and who knows, maybe someone will actually have some help for you. I sure hope so !

Answer 5

There should be plenty of support you can get through the local ACS or from www.militaryonesource.com. Yes deployments are hard but hurting yourself is not the answer.
If you hurt yourself, you are not helping get your husband home in anyway.
You need to try and be strong for yourself and him. Write a journal. You don't need to put your life on hold while he is gone. Take the time now to do your college, try new hobbies. You will see time will fly.
In the meantime get some professional help. If you need additional help from professionals call 1-800-suicide they can help.
The Army offers plenty of support and help for the spouses left behind please seek out and use these resources.

Answer 6

If you are in college use this time to finish as much as you can! This is what you should do, finish your degree before he finish his time with the army so you can get a good job and Support him when he is done.
I did 4 years in the Marines and 3 tours to Iraq, that is the best thing a spouse can do! Most of the Marines made the mistake of not prepare to get out of the military and guess what happen when their time was up?! They have to do another 4 years just to support their family and they get stuck in the same trap again and again and they end up being a sad lifer.(By the way I have nothing againest the Marine I loved it but I choose to do my 4years then move on to something else) And please if he just joined the Army he knew he is going to get send to Iraq, I bet he didn't against the 20k they gave him for enlistment.

By the way if he is on a 15months deployment he should station at somewhere safe. He should be able to contact everyday(all the army bases are nice in Iraq compares to the marines -_-)

Answer 7

IF your husband didn't believe in the war then way did he join? As for you I do believe that you need to talk to someone about what is going on in your head and get some help. You hurting yourself will only make your husband fell bad that it is his fault and its not. Even if you don't believe in the war your self you should support your man in what he is doing. And be a good wife I understand it is hard be you have to be Strong for your family and get through this. Good luck and thank you to your husband you are in my prayers God bless

Answer 8

no dont do anything crazy.my husband is deployed now but he will be home in december[[hopefully]] i know its not what you want to hear but he made this decision and i think he shouldnt have joined if he doesnt believe what the miltaryy stands for.when you sign that paper you always know that there is a chance our country will go to war and he may have to fight.i completly understand exactly how you are feeling and ontop of all of those feelings i have two very samll children one who doesnt even know his dad.and is already 16 months old.all of us military wives go through and its a part of this life and some of us didnt sign up for it but when you marry a man in uniform thats what you have to live with.and he did this against your wishes if you both had a chat about this and he knew how you felt and he did it any way i think thats selfish and i would be pissed.joining the military is not like joining the boy scouts.this is a serious job and should be taken seriously.im sorry your going through all this stress but please get yourself into a military wives support group,start counting your days as "one down" not "so many days to go"try to wrap your self into other things and pick up a hobby but please do not act out those crazy thoughts.becasue thats what those are and if you countinue haveing those kinds of thoughts please seek medical help.yes if something like that happend he will get sent home,but you dont want to put that kind of pai on him knowing his wife is laid up in a hospital,and sometimes the doctors will know its self infliced and then you will be put into a mental instituion.please dont be scared to ask for help.

Answer 9

This isn't about the war - it's about you wanting to hurt yourself. You are more important than anything else and if you feel like you are going to hurt yourself you do need to get help - and there are people that are there just for that purpose.

Speak to a military Chaplain or Chaplain Assistant as soon as you can. Some will have emergency contact numbers to talk to someone no matter the time.

If you don't want to do that or you feel like you need help right now, go the emergency room or hospital.

Answer 10

You need to be positive for him. The more he has to worry about your well being the less he is thinking about what he needs to be doing to stay safe. You will be all he is worried about and that could get him or his buddies hurt. You don't want that. I know that it is really hard to be apart for so long, but if you survived an abusive past then I know you are strong enough to survive this. I have faith in you that you can do it. Try to find someone to talk to about your difficulties with the situation you are in. They have support groups on posts. Talk to one of the other spouses from his company. All my prayers go out to you and your husband.