this guy says he'll either kill me & himself or kill himself if he doesn't marry me. I no longer want to be with a guy like that. He says he'll change after marriage, but I know that men DO NOT change after marriage. So how do I break up with a guy who claims I'm his life & that no-one ever gave him love before? He has 3 sisters and a mom and his dad left him when he was young but he acts like a martyr & acts as though life has been SOO bad to him. I can;t put up with this melodrama anymore. Hell, even my dad has been having an affair with my aunt for 16 odd years & still is, but I;m not complaining ALL the time. He says he needs me he says I;m his life &on top of that if my dad finds out about this so-called 'bad' relationship (in his eyes) then him & soceity wil kill me. But my mom & the guy;s mom know of the relationship & say we'll HAVE to marry. If I refuse he'll post my intimate emails to him & give them to my society meaning I'll be 'defamed' n be called a ****. How to break up
2007-09-28 08:14:37 · 59 answers · asked by Jealous 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You know guys (and girls!) I'm breaking up with him. There is no love that's bigger than life (unless it;s your kids, your husband or your mom) and he's NONE of those so he can just go to hell.
Any advice about the bigot society?
2007-09-28 08:27:21 · update #1
there is a psychological name for this kind of emotional blackmail and its more common than you think. i recommend calling your local samaritans or getting online to find out how to get some information about how to deal with this situation. you need to get out of it, but in such a way to protect yourself as much as possible too. speaking with professionals who understand this type of personality will be the best advice for you on how to handle this situation. good luck.
2007-09-28 08:17:40 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah J 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
What he is doing is abusive and (obviously) controlling.
It is trying to take you as an "emotional Hostage" - don't fall for it!
Here are the steps I think you should take:
Call the police and tell them that you would like to file harassment charges against him and tell them the whole story.
I would also file a No- contact Restraining order against him.
In addition inform them that he is suicidal and is threatening to take his own life and that you are afraid for yours - often a jealous ex- will take out the other person first and then themselves- so this is NO joke. You have to report his behavior.
The Police will go and make a visit to him and inform him that he is not to have any further contact with you.
2. You are a free woman and you don't HAVE to Marry anyone you don't want to.
3.Disarm him by taking away his threat - tell your "society " about anything that he is holding against you.Your version, even lie and say that he has threatened to Lie about you. Then if he does come to them - they will think is possibly lying.
Tell them that he is also threatening to "kill himself" - tell his MOM !
4.Call a Abuse Hot line and ask for help with this situation they will be bale to refer you to a local agency that can assist you.
5.
Pat yourself on the back for NOT putting up with this BS anymore!
Great courage and your life will be much , much better once you get this guy out of your life.
6. If you family isn't supportive - then you may need to find people who are until they take their head (s) out of their As*
Good Luck
Peace
2007-09-28 08:35:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't be held hostage. What's worse, going thru a little humiliation for a short time or living a lifetime with someone who holds you responsible for their very being?
Odds are he's bluffing but it really doesn't matter. You can't allow someone else to run your life in this way. Quite frankly he sounds wishy washy. I mean if he kills himself then how will he be able to post your e-mails?
Just tell him straight out that it's over and that he should do what he has to do but you are moving on. Then do not talk to him or contact him. Do not respond to him no matter what as any attention good or bad is attention. Get a restraining order if you must.
By the way, this guy is a coward and any time you give him will be time wasted.
2007-09-28 08:25:04 · answer #3 · answered by m_c_m_a_n 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to his family member and anyone close to him, either he is serious (and will need help), or he is just trying to manipulate you (and you don't need to be around him). Tell his family that he has made the threats, tell them that you are concerned that he is suicidal. Ideally getting him into a mental facility for treatment would be best. Also, call the police and ask if they can do anything for you since he has threatened your life. Do not let him manipulate you, and do not think that any of it is your fault no matter what happens. Put as much distance between him and you as possible.
2007-09-28 08:21:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definately need to break up but the suicide thing is most likely an empty threat to manipulate you into staying. In the off chance he does happen to kill himself, understand that it is not your fault. It was his decision to do it, not yours and there is nothing you could have done to stop it, not even staying together. Eventually he will have found another reason to kill himself. Secondly, if your society frowns down upon you because of a few mistakes, then you need to change societies. They are not your family if they do not love you for your mistakes.
2007-09-28 08:20:04 · answer #5 · answered by Chris 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best is for you to find a job in another city and go away for a while. He will not kill himself and you should get help from your mother and tell her that he threatenend your life.
If you are away he will cool down after a while. You have no other choice to stop this because it will not get better. You can not marry somebody because he blackmails you to do it.
If h post your mail then charge him by the police. He is for sure not so clever as he thinks, otherwise he would not be so childish in his actions.
2007-09-28 08:25:15 · answer #6 · answered by torosorogoro 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to phone the police and report this. Also get a restraining order. Don't marry him just because he says that. The guy is obviously a psycho and it wont' stop with marriage. The guy will just get more possessive and will make your life like hell.
If he posts your emails then he's an @sshole! You really need to report this to the police.
2007-09-28 08:19:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The suicide ploy is a ridiculous meaningless scheme he's plotted to emotionally blackmail you into staying with him.
Emotional blackmail isnt against the law yet but it should be.
If he does harm himself, thats NOT your problem, its his.
Tell him its over.
Tell him you are going to approach the authorities about him & your concerns for his health, because (and make sure to tell him this) they can do something about it nowadays if someone threatens to kill themselves. They can be taken and kept in hospital for their own safety. Im sure he will change his attitude after you said this.
Also, tell him you ARE going to call the cops anyway, because threatening YOUR life IS AGAINST THE LAW in the UK.
The 'society' you are worried about, well, I think you need to put them right to the back of the queue of the 'things that are bothering me today' pile, and get on with your life. I'm sure many people have written many emails, texts, etc etc in society before now. Its nothing special. I wouldnt give it another thought. You should try asking him what he feels is so damned precious about yours...
Tell him to do what he likes with your mails, as it doesnt bother you in the slightest...he can shove them up his own backside and set light to them for all you care.
*!* In regards to the mails etc., theres a lot you could tell him that you could do in retalliation, but in my honest opinion, I wouldnt do any of that. I think it would bother him a lot more, if you did nothing. Then you could tell him that you are not going to do anything about it, cos he wasnt worth your time, effort and energy. That will hit home more than every retalliation you could think of. (Reverse the roles & think how you would feel...?? See.There you go!)
Im sure, tell him, that if he is prepared to do all he wants to do with your mails, then you can do the best by everyone in your town, by informing them of what a psycho he is. I'd do that regardless!!
He WILL NOT CHANGE after marriage. They NEVER do, they get decidedly worse. After the verbal & mental abuse, comes the physical. EVERY time. & thats no lie.
I know you dont need this in your life. People who marry this sort end up completely downtrodden & unconfident. And that takes years more to heal. So please dont even go down this route.
2007-09-28 09:09:26 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to someone at a crisis center and tell them what is going on. Their has to be a 'behavorial' center or something. He needs help before he hurts someone. If he is threatening to hurt you, Then speak to someone at a sheriff's office, and get a restraining order. Then move. You dont need someone like that in your life. Think about how much peace you will have once this guy gets away from you. He needs help. Maybe one day when he is better, he can find a woman to be with, but right now he isnt doing so good mentally. Please go talk to someone. Your life could depend on it. Good luck, Please keep me updated.
2007-09-28 08:20:53 · answer #9 · answered by AnimalLuver 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hunny, first you must get out of this relationship, call the police and let them know you fear for your life he has theathed you and who cares about what you do when you are in love. If people want you to stay with this person they are just as crazy, you are right HE needs you You don't need him, there are plenty of abuse shelters around go to one, or you can pack your things and go live somewhere you have always wanted, Please Please get out, he is has a mental problem, and nothing can be done unless he wants to get help, and marrying him holy crap that is just more pressure, don't marry him, pack your things and get out and if its your place call the police and get a restaining order against him right away, my heart goes out to you...Please stay safe.. and by the way delete the emails.. and if they come back to haunt you say that he made them... please take are of yourself
2007-09-28 08:24:54 · answer #10 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give the details to your society?? are you Rom?? Get out now honey, contact the police- this is a threat against your life and that guy is crazy. Go to a women's shelter and they can help you get a clean SAFE start. Don't worry about what a few low lifes have to say about you. Your safety and your life are more important
2007-09-28 08:21:09 · answer #11 · answered by dances with cats 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋