My father during my wedding referred to my new wife using my ex girlfriends name. I believe he did this on purpose as he was very fond of m ex (who was also at my wedding with her fiance). He also started his speech with a few hanging Jokes(Jokes about being hung by the neck till dead) I was humilated and feel very angry. He is a lifelong drunk who refuses to take the blame or any responsibility for his screw-ups. We haven't spoken since. But I stay awake at night seething. What should I do?
2007-09-28 07:46:25 · 43 answers · asked by afridaytoofar 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
In public no one would think he is a drunk. He is a medical professional and pillar of the community. I expect him to be an *** in private but not in public.
2007-09-28 08:56:37 · update #1
at least he did it and not you during the vows ("I take thee Rachael"). if your wife is ok with it - then relax...its over and done.
2007-09-28 07:53:04 · answer #1 · answered by mender_bender2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a jerk. If he did this on purpose to annoy you, don't talk to him until he apologises. That was way out of line and so disrespectful on your wedding day. He should treat your new wife with respect.
When he asks what is wrong, you need to tell him that his comment was very off and tasteless and tacky. Not that he can do anything about it now, but at least he would understand what you are feeling. Ask him how he would feel if you did the same thing at his wedding? It is not funny, it is not nice.
Even if you know he acts stupidly normally, he should at least have made a big effort on your wedding day. It is not hard just to give a nice speech and save the dumb stuff for latter.
If he offers an apology, accept it. While it was a bad thing to do, you don't want to ruin your whole relationship over something you may not remember in a few years time.
2007-09-28 15:08:01 · answer #2 · answered by BTB2211 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry his happened.
At first I thought your father might have been nervous speaking but not after what I read about his drinking behavior. There is a movie released in the year 2000 called 28 days with Sandra Bullock. It glamorizes treatment but it also shows a big time party girl ( Sandra plays her) you is so advanced in drinking she has blackouts. There's a wedding scene toast and I thought of it when I read your post.
Maybe check out some of these books at the library and ot the Internet.
It's human to feel the anger you are feeling. "He is a lifelong drunk who refuses to take the blame or any responsibility for his screw-ups." This next sentence may sound very crass from me.
Your father isn't capable of facing anything without alcohol and he wants to waste his life. I had a grandfather like that and he took booze over his family and died an old lonely man in 1958 when I was 4 years old.
2007-09-28 08:10:36 · answer #3 · answered by Will 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's over. It's done. You are the one losing sleep, not him. People are not critical of you, they would be feeling sympathetic for you and your bride and keeping so much anger inside will just eat you up! Nerves can play funny tricks and I truly doubt that the old man did this on purpose. I've been married 36 years to the world's most wonderful guy and last year at an emotional funeral I referred to my husband with my ex's name (They are similar names). Your experience also makes a very strong point for people WRITING OUT their speeches at special events! At most weddings, the best man and parents show the bride and groom their speech for approval just in case something needs changing or an adidtion. Then they read it out loud ahead to someone. This makes the speech clearer and easier for the eprson who may get emotional, drunk, or just stupid. You knew your dad had a problem with alcohol (you said "lifelong") so you have to take some responsibility. Sorry, but that's a fact. Alcoholics don't perform well in emotional situations and your dad is no exception. If anyone mentions the gaffes in the speech, just shrug and say "Well, that's my dad and that's his big problem. I don't intend to carry on with his legacy so best that we all forget it. Please don't bring it up again as I love my wife dearly and never want her to be hurt again."
2007-09-28 08:01:17 · answer #4 · answered by Wifeforlife 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't change the past so try and let it go.
If he is a life long drunk and your ex was there,it was pretty risky on your part to let your father give a speech in the first place!
Your wife loves you and can't hold you responsible for your father's actions.It is her feelings you should be worried about.If you are humiliated,imagine how she feels?I know he is your Dad,but that certainly wasn't making her feel welcomed into the family with open arms!Talk to her about how you both feel.Sometimes just talking about something can make you feel a lot better.
2007-09-28 07:55:45 · answer #5 · answered by Hope 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did you talk this over with your new wife? Obviously, what's done is done and cannot be reversed. You need to let go of your anger somehow and recognize he's ill and really isn't in his right mind. That, however, excuses nothing. I'd still avoid him for a very long time, or until he gets help for his drinking problem and apologizes to your wife.
2007-09-28 08:13:06 · answer #6 · answered by melouofs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to release this anger. Since you already know that he's not going to accept responsibility for his actions I'd just write him a letter letting him know exactly how you feel. If this includes excluding him from your life then make that clear to him also. There's no point in meeting him face to face only to cause a scene. You won't get any resolution out of it.
2007-09-28 07:56:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just remember he made a complete *** out of himself. Everyone at that wedding was probably horrified for you. If it would make you feel better, talk to him in person about it. Tell him the anger it's caused you, ask what he has to say for himself. Eventually though, you have to let it go. It's not your fault he said what he did. Say your piece and then move on..or else your dad will always be in the back of your mind.
2007-09-28 07:53:28 · answer #8 · answered by Eraserhead 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Take a deep breath and forgive him. He's an adult... he embarrassed himself, not you. You've already apologized to your wife, I'm sure she knows the situation, so now I would just let it go.
If you're having a lot of demons you're having a hard time letting go of I would suggest an Al-Anon meeting.
I would try to sit down and have a conversation with your father about how his drinking is hurting you and how you want him to go to AA. Expect it to go poorly, these conversations tend to go poorly. People at Al-Anon can help you with this too.
2007-09-28 10:08:45 · answer #9 · answered by Meredith 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Afridaytoofar, this is an awful thing that your dad did to both you and your wife. Hopefully your new wife understands and wasn't too hurt by these mean spirited remarks. If possible when you have cooled down try and talk with your dad and let him know how inappropriate you thought his remarks were and how hurtful they were to you both. Another suggestion may to be honest with him about how his drinking is hurting his life and that he probably even embarrassed your ex. I honestly wish both you and your new mrs. the happiest of lives together. As well hopefully some day your dad will realize how he has hurt everyone and attempt to make amends.
2007-09-28 07:54:46 · answer #10 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel so bad for you,and your new wife,I'm so sorry!
It might be time to put daddy in his place,
All that sarcastic B.S. is uncalled for,it's childish,immature,stupid,and just plain unnecessary.
He sounds like a pain in the @$$.
You have every reason to be angry,I think it's time to give him a piece of your mind,
Make him take responsibility for what he's done.
2007-09-28 07:59:26 · answer #11 · answered by Lady Luck 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋