Can my stepdad make me come home?

Question

Now he's not my Mums boyfriend but they got married he says he has control over me and if he likes he can make me come home and I want to stay with my brother who my Mum let me stay with for more than two years now. But beause he might work nights and I be with our neighbour on those nights in my house not hers, my stepdad who doesn't like her because I say his racist. My Mum says she doesn't mind because she likes her. Sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I really really don't want to go back and live with my stepdad, you don't know what hes like.

Sorry I should have give more details. I am 13 and I am in England not US. And its not rules. In fact my brother is a million times worst than him for rules!

Thank you for all you answers, it did help because it stopped me getting panicked. I'm sorry the person who took his away because I agree it could be rules and stuff, but its not. I think it will be alright because my brother says no way will get me back there because he agrees he isn't right. And he agrees he's racist because he doesn't like our neighbour being with me when he works nights because she is black. Anyway thank you all very, very much and I will have a hard time giving ten points. And I agree you should be polite to all people and I try to be too. Thank you.

Answer 1

Unless your step-dad adopted you, he can't do anything through legal channels, but he still might try to go through your mom. Do your best to avoid any confrontation with him. The less you fight, the better things will be. I know it's hard to be around someone who doesn't love you and who treats you bad.

Your mom's decision is the only one that matters. If your step-dad has done anything illegal to you, tell a teacher or a police officer. Your mom either doesn't see what's going on or is blocking it out. I don't see any way out of a situation of abuse other than getting out and staying out however you can do it.

I'm sorry this is happening. I don't know your age, but there is an age where the court -- usually around age 12 or more -- will listen to what you want and make a decision based on things you say to the court. So, if there is something really bad going on, chances are you'll be able to live with your brother the way things are now.

I am having difficulty understanding exactly what the living arrangements are, but it sounds like your brother works nights and a neighbor comes over at night so you'll have an adult in the house. Is this correct? If so, it sounds like your mom doesn't mind the arrangement. So, things should go your way.

If -- for any reason -- you are made to live with your step dad, try to get your mom to understand what he's doing to you to make life miserable. Make sure you are clear when you make a complaint. Don't say things like, "I don't know, I just don't like him." Have specific reasons. That will show your maturity to your mom and should help her to listen to you better.

Take care. S.

Answer 2

Unless you have been legally adopted by your step-father, he has no rights over you. He is only your mother's husband and your step-father but nothing else. Your mother is legally responsible for you and can make you go home but as she is happy to let you stay where you are, he has no authority over that. As you don't say how old you are, the options can vary. If you are younger than 14, check to see if the neighbour would be willing to foster you. If your brother is over 21, you could ask him to adopt you. You could get an injunction against him to stay away from you. Regardless of what you decide, you have to think of your mother and how she may be affected. If you decide to go for adoption / fostering / injunction etc. you could alienate yourself from your mother. She may decide to stick by her husband and therefore despise you for what you are doing. While she supports you, have a good chat with her and discuss all the options available and find out what your mother would support and what she would not. You need her to be part of your decision as she could always insist you return home with her and the step-dad. If your school has a counseller, have a chat with him / her for more sound advice but do talk to your mother first.

I don't know the number but your school will know it, call "Childline" and discuss it with them. Other organisations that may be able to help are "Barnardos" and "Shelter". They will be able to point you in the right direction for the best advice and the best support available.

Answer 3

Every adult has the right to tell you what to do until you are an adult yourself. If he is supporting you, then he does have the right to tell you what to do no matter if he's your dad or step-dad. If you aren't making wise choices in friends and taking care of your self, then you probably need someone to tell you what to do. Until you're able to make good choices, are considered a legal adult, and can provide for yourself, you can do anything you want to with your life. Even then, you should respect him and your mom. You may not agree with her choice in a husband but you should always respect your elders...even if you don't want to. If you could come to terms with this, then your life might be a lot less stressful.

Answer 4

In the US, a 13-year old can decide whom he wishes to stay with. I don't know what your rules are. Can you go talk to some family advocate in a local court?

Answer 5

It depends entirely on what your age is (you didn't tell us) and what the laws in your state are (didn't tell us that either). You don't even tell us if you live in the US. You really need to give more information if you want an accurate answer.

Answer 6

If your mom is consenting he has no right to tell you what to do. If you have any problems I would call the cops to freak the dude out. Then he'll stop screwing around.

Answer 7

Unless he legally adopted you, he has no rights to tell you what to do.

Answer 8

no,call the protective services

Answer 9

I THINK YOU SHOULD TALK TO YOUR MOM ABOUT HER
BOYFRIEND AND TELL HER ABOUT THE PROBLEM.