Was I too harsh?

Question

I'm 17 and at college and there's a man from the Cez Republic in my class. He's 28 and doesn't work. Up untill 2 weeks ago, I worked as a waitress, but then the resturant closed down suddenly and I don't have a job anymore. The other day, I was telling a couple of people in my class how hard it was for me to get a new job, that I'd sent of loads of CV's and applications forms, but no employers were getting back to me, ect.... Then the CR guy began to say "Well, you have to keep trying harder, you can't live of mummy and daddy forever". That struck a nerve, and I replied "Excuse me, I'm not living of anybody, I still have money in the bank from my last job, and at least I'm not coming over here from a different country and sponging of British tax payers!" I'm not normally like that, but I count myself as a hard worker and was just frustrated because I couldn't a job interview. I feel a little bad now as I felt I was a bit harsh, and have to face him again next week. Was I a bit mean?

Ps- May I just say, to the people saying I don't know about him... I know he claims benefits because he's told me before.

Answer 1

absolutely not! good for you, he IS over here sponging (off you and your tax) so has NO RIGHT to tell you to stop sponging off your parents especially when you are so obviously not any way, what a bloody cheek, he is unemployed and you are between jobs where does he get off saying that to you? to be honest he sounds like an argumentative ****! don't feel bad you did the right thing, stand up for yourself and give him what for if he does it again.
He is probably bitter about the fact that he is 28 and unemployed and you are 17 and working and activley seeking work, it's his own embarrassment causing him to behave like that, he is ashamed of himself and taking it out on you.

Answer 2

Yes... your remark made it very personal.

It was deserved, but since you post in Etiquette: You were too harsh.

You have every right to respond, but next time refrain from making it soo personal. Especially the bit about the foreigner was very much directed against him. In addition to that, 'sponging of tax payers' is a negative way of saying 'wellfare' or 'benefits'.

A slightly more general remark might do better. In fact, it can still shut him right up. Something like "I am living off the money I saved from my last job and I am glad I don't have to claim benefits" might do.

Answer 3

It's a little hard to tell without the tone of the convo but I think maybe you were a bit harsh. You even admit that it struck something in you which would mean you were reacting to that feeling and responding to the person. It's possible he was encouraging you in his own way. I don't think it warrants an apology but maybe make a point of saying hi. Sometimes it's fun to have people in your life that push your buttons a little, challenges your status quo a bit. For me that's the fastest way to grow. There's all kinds of friendships. It seems to have made you think at least. My question would be do you harbor ill feelings towards him?

Answer 4

No, you weren't really too harsh. However, it sounds like you're normally a really nice person and so this is bothering you--even though it shouldn't. You will feel better if when you see him next week, say "I'm sorry if I was rude to you, but I'm used to earning my keep and trying to find a job had me a little on edge. I don't suppose you know anyone who's hiring?"

Answer 5

I would say you were thinking like an adult taxpayer. You're entitled. If you feel you did wrong, and apologizing will make you feel better, by all means do. But even though what the man said stung, it's probably something you would have agreed with while you were employed - you just didn't need to hear it in your present situation. It just wasn't his place to say that, especially since he knows nothing about you. But you're not responsible for his gaffes. He probably didn't mean to hurt you but felt he had to say something and chose something insensitive.

I hope you find something good very soon.

Answer 6

no you weren't harsh but what he said told you more about him and his problems than it applied to you. He's one of life's miseries so just ignore him..he shouldn't be hanging around people your age either. good lucdk with job hunting..it can be harder as you don't have the experience..get the qualifications and live off mum and dad if you have too..that's what parent are there for. In many countries you're not an adult until you are 21 so what's his beef?

Answer 7

The fact that you feel bad shows that you got a bit hot headed in the situation. We all do it, and most of it us do feel guilty about it. Most of us do make presumptions, he may of done the same about you.

He made a harsh comment, and you made one back - an eye for an eye.

I wouldn't bring it up unless he says something, he may not even be thinking about it.

Just ignore rude comments.

Answer 8

"Don't feel bad for standing up for yourself ." Why feel bad, this guy made a comment about you. The fact of the matter is he shouldn't say anything like that to someone he doesn't know. He was being an ignorant, arrogant ***. Maybe he will fhink twice befoe opening his big gob and saying things he knows nowt about. (That we are feeding) You told the truth.

Answer 9

Your harsh words were spoken in response to his words which were full of prejudice and assumptions. He made assumption without knowing you well. This is cause and effect so it was right for you to tell him off because you were speaking up for yourself and speaking the truth except that you had used a harsh manner to convey your thoughts. It's ok, no need to apologise as he offended you first without knowing anything about you.

Answer 10

Well, if there is a language barrier it's possible that you misunderstood what he was saying, and I think it's perfectly acceptable to defend yourself when someone says something like he said to you, but you stooped to his level by then comparing the situation to him.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it, but if it bugs you, go up to him and just apologize for your outburst last week and say that you were particularly stressed out and didn't mean to be offensive to him.

Chances are that he will be completely blown away by your apology and his 'quick judgement' of you might actually be swayed a bit.

But, if you really don't care, then don't worry.